


Make You Feel My Love

by Lazarus163



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Adoption, Alex Is Also A Doctor, Alpha Benny Lafitte, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Angst, At Some Point Tooth Rotting Fluff, Bed-Wetting, Benny And Dean Are Really Starting To Care About Each Other, Benny Cares About Dean, Benny Hated Victor, Benny Is Broken, Benny Is Grieving, Benny Is Sad, Benny is a sweetheart, Caring, Charlie Missed Dean, Crying, Dean And Benny Kiss, Dean Has A Stutter, Dean Has Memory Loss, Dean Has Mental Breakdowns, Dean Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Dean Has Self-Worth Issues, Dean Has Withdrawals, Dean Hates Himself, Dean Is Afraid To Get Help, Dean Really Needs A Hug, Dean Really Needs A Hug Now, Dean Speaks About Where He Was, Dean Trusts Benny, Dean Wets Himself, Dean cries A LOT, Dean is afraid, Declarations Of Love, Denny Is Official, Discussions About Having Kids, Dr. Gabriel!, Ellen Is Like A Mom To Dean, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Even Though He Doesn't Know That Victor Hurt Dean, F/M, Fluff, Graphic Description of Corpses, Graphic descriptions of violence, He Really Needs A Hug Right About Now, I Apologise For Making Them Sad, I promise, I promise there will be fluff, I'm Really Trying Here, Knotting, M/M, Male Omega's Are Rare, Marriage Proposal, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Minor Character Death, Miscarriage, Missouri Is A Sweetheart, Missouri Is Too Smart For Her Own Good, More Stuff will be Added, More characters to be added, Mpreg, Omega Dean, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Other Ships Not Mentioned in Tags, Past Abortion, Possibly Some Romance..., Romantic Walks On The Beach, Sadness, Sam Comes Around, Sam missed Dean, Sam's Child Is Adorable, Sex, Song Lyrics, Suicide Attempt, Sweet Kisses, The Truth Is In The Open, There Is Probably A. Bunch Of Tags I Am Forgetting, Things Are Finally Looking Up, True Mates, Unplanned Pregnancy, Victor Is A Douche Nozzel, Victor Is A Horrible Person, Victor Is Sadistic, Victor Lives In Jackman, Violence, With No Regard For Human Life, but guys, jess ships it, more sadness, more tags soon, this is not a drill
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-23
Updated: 2018-02-16
Packaged: 2019-01-04 11:16:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 17
Words: 80,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12167781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lazarus163/pseuds/Lazarus163
Summary: Benny lost it all. Now, grieving the loss of his mate and pup, a stranger pops into his life that may change everything. His name is Dean. A Male Omega who ran into the road one summer night broken and bruised.How a stranger could change everything.Dean was in trouble. After spending ten years locked away in place where regaurd for human life was none existent. Where you were given a number and your name taken from you. Where the cocaine and heroine ran rampant and every choice you made could possibly cost you your life. A place he could only describe as hell. One of dirty beds and nice suites where people in high government positions would go as an "escape." One where he had seen murder, where he had felt knots ripped from his body.He finally escapes, unknowingly falling in the path of a life he never knew he wanted. One where it smelled like home with every inhale of breath and every shared glance with a man he thought he couldn't trust. A place where he could finally see a future that wasn't cut short by the barrel of gun waved in his face. A home. Somewhere where he felt loved. Someone to love. His Alpha.





	1. He Is #38

**Author's Note:**

> So... This is the first Alpha/Beta/Omega fic I have ever done.
> 
> I have altered birth years for the purpose of this fic. It starts off beginning of June, 2017.
> 
> Benny is 35, Dean is 27
> 
> I ship Dean and Benny hard core. It is kinda sad to me that not more people ship them because their character chemistry in the show was absolutely amazing and that character chemistry being written and reshaped by wonderful author's out there, and from the few I have read, they have just brought tears to my eyes they were so wonderfully written.
> 
> Instead of using them as a platform for Destiel like I have read before, I wanted to do something that wasn't strictly Dean an Cas (don't get me wrong I love me some Destiel). 
> 
> This Fic is named after the Bob Dylan Song, Make You Feel My Love. 
> 
> Not only does it work for these Characters, but it is also a song very close to me. 
> 
> So, here endeth my ramble. 
> 
> (Disclaimer: None of these characters belong to me, I wish they did but they don't.)

Benny never thought he’d mate again. Find anyone again. As he watched his beloved in the casket lowered into the ground. He broke down into sobs. Benny wasn’t old, but he wasn’t young either. At thirty five, the chances of re-mating or finding anyone was practically out of the cards. He felt bitter, angry. How one careless act had taken his pregnant mate away from him. 

How his niece, Elizabeth, was the only one who cared enough to come for the funeral. Why would any of his family care anyways? He was an Alpha who didn’t understand how to be an Alpha, well, according to them. He was caring, not submissive by nature but definitely not a pushover either. He took passion in other things that really didn’t involve thinking with his knot.  
He loved art, reading, cooking. He gained infamy in New Orleans as head chef at The Gumbo Shack. Where Guy Fieri had commented that he made the best gumbo he’d ever had. But his family problems eventually drove him from Louisiana, a year later, with the money he had, he bought a plot of land in Jackman Maine. Houses were few in far between, seeing as the town sat fifteen miles away from the Canadian border, but the center of town, in actuality, was only fifteen minutes away from the modest home he had built. 

It was a drive to get to doctors appointments but it was worth it. It seemed as though this was one of the last places on Earth where you could say it was peaceful. And this is where he met Andrea. He had gotten work quickly at restaurant in town called The Four Seasons, where he met her. She was a waitress, she was also an Alpha. But their scents matched, though uncommon, they were mated within days of knowing each other. It had taken almost six and a half years for them to conceive and when they had it had been the happiest news of Benny’s life. And now he hated himself.

Alpha's… they weren’t supposed to mate, let alone have children together. It wasn’t legally written, Alphas could mate and marry, but biologically speaking they didn’t work. The chances of an Male/Female Alpha couple conceiving were slim, conception even rarer, and a pup carried to term was practically unheard of. Why? Because it was dangerous to the female Alpha. Extremely dangerous. It caused massive health risks. 

And that’s how Benny found himself sitting in the cemetery, bitter and angry. Angry at himself. He’s the reason she died. He’s the reason this happened. If he hadn’t insisted they keep trying she wouldn’t be dead. She’d be alive still. They easily could have adopted but both of them were stubborn. They wanted biological children, and they ended up paying the price. Andrea lost her life and Benny lost his mate and pup. 

“Uncle Benny, it isn’t your fault. You didn’t know.” Elizabeth tried to assure him. 

“We did… we just didn’t care… I didn’t care.” Benny whispered, 

“Look, I’m in town for a few days before I’m going down to Portland to catch a plane. I’m gonna stay with you. I’ll make Grammy’s cookies and I’ll take care of you. Please uncle Benny, let someone help you.” He let go of a few tears,

She ended up staying a week instead. The week Elizabeth stayed with him was a myriad of tasks. She wanted to know about the nursery which was a deep green, he had said to shut the door, forever. She practically kept his head above water and as he drove her down to Portland, she made him promise to call everyday. Reluctantly he agreed and set back for the four hour drive back. Can’t Help Falling In Love played softly through the speakers and he she’d a few tears as he hummed along to the lyrics. This was their song. The song that was playing the day they met. 

_'Wise men say, only fools rush in, but I can’t help falling in love with you._  
_Shall I stay? Would it be a sin, if I can’t help, falling in love with you.’_

_Benny stood in front of the stove as he put the finishing touches on the braised venison. As the song played a smell walked into the kitchen. One that smelled like mate almost instantly._

_Then he saw her standing there, with long hair and tanned skin and he was in love_. 

* * *

 

_**Run, Fast, Run, Run, Run.** _

  
He zipped through trees and jumped over downed logs. He knew it was no longer winter. But how long ago was winter? Weeks? Months? Years? He didn’t know, he didn’t care, he just knew he needed to get the fuck away from where he was as fast as he could. His feet were bear, he was naked and it was night. All he knew was that running was going to keep him safe. Running was going to keep him alive. They couldn’t catch him again. He wouldn’t let them. He’d fight until his dying breath if it meant he didn’t have to go back there. He didn’t remember, couldn’t remember. He didn’t remember his own name for Christ's sake. All he knew was his number. What they called him. He was #38, it was branded into him, that’s all he knew. He had a life before. Names he could vaguely recall. Charlie was one, Sam was another. Other than that he couldn’t remember. 

He burst onto a road… more so tripped and skidded painfully to a stop. He saw headlights and heard the deep rumbling of a car... Truck maybe? Headlights hit his face and he winced at the sudden brightness, covering his eyes with his bruised and scarred arm. The car came to a stop. 

“You okay?” It was an Alpha… Fuck, no, no, no, no! “Sir, you okay?” It was an Alpha who smelled absolutely amazing. He smelled like pecan pie, spiced rum, pine needles and… something he was going to ignore. Maybe his body was trying to tell him this Alpha wouldn’t hurt him. Wouldn’t force him into something. 

He shook his head, 

“Come on, can you stand?” He shook his head again.

* * *

 

Benny was driving when he saw something in the road. Not something, someone. He slowed down before coming to a complete stop. Stepping out of the car he approached the man. 

“You okay?” The man seized and let off the smell of distressed Omega. But under that was something else. Something he was going to ignore with gusto. “Sir, are you okay?” The man shook his head tersely. Benny pouted as he noticed the man was naked, 

“Come on, you think you can stand?” He shook his head again and Benny helped him off the ground. He led him to the passenger side of the truck before moving to get in behind the wheel. The short drive back to his house was tense, the man next to him was in a horrible way and distressed Omega smell all but permeated the fabric of the seats in the 1970 GMC Sierra. Benny didn’t know what to do. Likely, he’d be held for questioning if he brought him to the hospital. He would make that decision in the morning. He pulled into the driveway and killed the engine before helping the man.

He was large for an Omega, he most definitely would be mistaken for an Alpha out on the street. Broad shoulders, tall, even though he was underweight there was sign he had once had muscle definition. What had happened to him? His hand grazed something on his back and the man yelped. 

“Sorry, sorry…” Benny soothed as he got him inside. He turned on the light and helped him sit on the couch. He had no identification, no nothing… besides a massive burn on his bicep that read #38. He went to inspect it further but he was a surprised when a growl tore it’s way out of the Omega’s throat. 

“Do you want something to drink?” Benny asked in a calm voice, the man slowly nodded and Benny retreated to the kitchen where he had a moment to think. What did he do? The man was clearly terrified of him. Was he abused? Was he running from his Alpha? No, that wasn’t it. There wasn’t a single mating Mark on him. 

He sighed and took a deep calming breath before getting juice out of the fridge and pouring a glass before taking it back to the strange man. 

“I’m gonna get you some clothes, okay?” He nodded slowly and accepted the juice with a quizzical eye. Benny trudged up the stairs and got a pair of his shorts that looked like they’d fit, loosely at best but they’d do, and a simple blue t-shirt. He brought them down and stepped out of the room. He heard a pained gasp followed by a thud and he ran. He had fallen, he looked dazed and now he could see what he had touched on his back. There were long angry and bruised lines like someone had whipped him. He made the decision to call the town doctor then and there. 

After explaining the situation to her she was on her way, regardless of it being two o'clock in the morning on a Sunday. 

“I called the doctor,” he told him. He was met with silence. “You don’t halfta be afraid of me, okay? I’m not gonna hurt you, I promise.” Again he was met with silence. Twenty minutes later there was a knock at the door and the man jumped.  
“It’s her, it’s okay.” He shook his head

frantically against tears. Benny sighed and opened the door. 

“Benjamin Laffite, it’s better you called me.” 

“He’s in there,” she followed Benny to the living room where the man was still half naked, shaking now at the presence of the woman. He scented the air and calmed slightly when he realized she was a Beta. 

“You poor thing,” she said. “I know you have a spare room, take us there. This is going to be a while.” He nodded, the man went rigid when Benny offered him a hand. 

“No…” He whispered before standing and following as far behind as he could. They reached the spare room and the door was closed in Benny’s face. 

* * *

 

 “You poor child… Got a name?” He shook his head, “would it help if you knew mine?” He nodded slowly. He was terrified. Terrified they were working for Victor and they were going to send him back. 

“My name is Missouri… you look like someone I had met once. John Winchester. When I was still living in Lawrence he had just lost his wife Mary to cancer… left him with two little boys named Sam and Dean… a shame. His boy Dean went missing about ten years ago now.” Dean… that name. Was that his name? Was he the Dean that went missing? 

“Sam?” He croaked, that name sounded familiar. That’s one of the names he could remember. 

“Yes. When his brother went missing John packed him up and sent him to live with his Uncle Bobby. Bless that man’s heart. He took him in right quick… Didn’t mean to ramble. Let’s get you fixed up.” 

Sam… was he the Dean Winchester that went missing? He… he couldn’t remember. As if a large portion of his memory was missing including his own name. He couldn’t remember what town he was from, who his parents were and if they were alive, siblings… He recalled only two names. Sam and Charlie. 

“Who did this to you?” She asked worriedly at the sight of the brand mark. He shook his head, “does it hurt?” That’s one thing he could remember. Getting branded. His time spent in hell. He remembered it all. Or, bits and pieces anyways. 

“N-no… It-its old.” She nodded, 

“Flip over on your stomach, I’m gonna get your back fixed up.” He did so, slowly beginning to trust her.

He hissed when she applied pressure to the marks from where he had been whipped but her hand quickly left his back. Soon he felt a sharp pinch and then numbness followed by pressure. 

“Just relax, this is gonna take a little bit of time.” He settled in, about an hour passed before she clapped her hands. 

“We’re done. I’m just gonna get these bandaged. I have some pain medication for you, alright?” He nods, “take one, every four hours for pain, and you’re gonna need it sugar. That man out there, Benny? He is the best man I know. He’s gonna be in charge of changing the dressings. Twice a day for the first tow days and then once a day for the next four. Then I’ll be by to take those stitches out. I know you’re scared, honey, but he won’t do a thing to hurt ya. He’s a big teddy bear, I promise.” She put the bandages on, “if you notice your back feels hot call me right away. I think I managed to clean them well enough. I want you in my office Friday morning…” 

“Wh-what D-Day is it?” 

“It’s Sunday, honey.” 

* * *

 

“I gave him some pain meds right before I left the room so he could sleep… Benny, that man… if I’ve ever seen trauma.” 

“Thank for coming, Missouri.” 

“You’re a good man Benny, with the best heart I’ve ever known… I’m sorry you lost her.” She said, “alright now, give me hug!” He smiled and embraced her, “he’s suffering from severe memory loss. If he doesn’t start remembering this about himself by the time you see me at my office I want you to take him to the hospital in Augusta. I know it’s a drive but at least there they can help him. That brand on his arm… I’ve seen it before and I have my suspicions, but I don’t want to get people in trouble if trouble isn’t due.” 

* * *

 

Benny sat in front of the TV with a beer he slowly nursed. By the time he decided to sleep the sun was already poking over the horizon. He had time to reflect. He was never going to get used to waking up and not seeing her smile. Not hearing her laugh. Not feeling their pup kick. It was lost. He was the reason behind it. The reason she was dead. Because he was too stubborn to adopt. And it cost him everything. His love, his pup, his happiness. 

Never did Benny think he would meet this fate. Go through what his father had went through that caused Benny to leave. The loss of his mother and his twin Eli. That’s the reason he had to leave. His father couldn’t look him in the face because Benny was the only one that survived the birth. His father made it clear that he hated Benny for it. Now he could fully understand why his father became so bitter, so cold and dethatched. Benny only served as reminder to his father that if he hadn’t been born breached his mother would still be alive. He wouldn’t have just been a reminder that he’s the reasons she’s gone.

Bitterness was something that Benny now understood. After loosing her it slowly consumed him. Made him angry at himself, at the world, at everyone who encouraged them to keep trying knowing full well that this could have easily happened.

In frustration he slammed his beer down and turned off the TV before walking up the stairs and standing outside the nursery and opening the door. He began to cry silently. Why? Why did she have to die? What kind of a god would let this happen? What sick person would takes someone’s love and someone’s child at the same time? He didn’t know, he didn’t want to know. He sunk to his knees and let more tears fall. 

“Why?” He sobbed, as if expecting an answer, but none came. So he was left looking into the evergreen nursery, wondering why, like he had for the last two weeks. Why…

* * *

 

He awoke with recognition. His name. He was Dean. The night before was blurry beyond getting picked up by a strange Alpha and older Beta patching up his back and telling a sob story. But he doesn’t remember going into this room, doesn’t remember falling asleep. Just what he needed, more of something he couldn’t remember. 

His name was Dean. He had a name. He hissed as he rolled onto his back and sought out the pain pills he remembered… Missouri was it? Had left him. He opened the bottle and took one before laying back down and covering his eyes from the morning sun. He took a deep breath and he smelled…

Distressed Alpha. Sad Alpha. He wondered why but then remembered that it didn’t matter. Alpha's were bad. They hurt you. They fucked you raw and then they beat you. Ripped their knots out of you. Killed you if you screamed. That much he remembered. 

Regardless if this man had rescued him he was still an Alpha and that meant trouble. So yes, Dean had a name, but the Alpha, Benny he thinks his name was, didn’t need to know it. He could get through the next week, one more week, being called #38. Because, after all, that’s who he is. A number. Nothing more. No identity. No name until that morning. Just #38, Victors prized slut. 


	2. Tears In Heaven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Benny begins to question his priorities Dean begins to remember bits and pieces of himself. Starting with his name.
> 
> After a breakdown at Missouri's clinic, Dean falls asleep on the way back to Benny's where a song plays in the truck, and Benny thinks the universe might as well say "fuck you" to his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is titled "Tears In Heaven" after the 1992 Song by: Eric Clapton of the same name.
> 
> So this is the only update you shall be getting from me until tomorrow. I have just begun recovering from surgery on my wrist and I am only premitted light use of it. So I must take my leave.

Dean finally found courage to get out of bed, Percocet induced courage mind you, but courage none the less. There was still a low ache in his back but the drugs really helped. He padded silently (or what he thought was silently) to the door and let glide open. Stepping out of the room he realized that it was just off the dining room, next to the kitchen which he could imagine was a chefs dream as he walked in. With stainless steel and chrome finish, to the cast iron pans that hung from hooks on the ceiling. Sets of knives with bamboo handles, other forms of cutlery he didn’t know existed, a China cabinet to the off corner that held fancy and decretive plates and bowls and glasses. 

“G’mornin,” he jumped hearing the southern voice behind him. “Didn’t mean to scare ya,” he said. Dean nodded, afraid to speak. He had a stutter, not only was he embarrassed by it but he knew that keeping his mouth shut with an Alpha meant less beatings. His stutter wasn’t always there, that much he knew. It had formed sometime after he stopped talking, almost forgetting his own voice. Sometime after the besting got worse as well. Some Alphas, the nicer ones, would take pity on him because of it when they asked him to speak. One was even kind enough to try to break him out… and then that man was quickly shot in the back of the head and Dean was beaten bloody before being drugged with something he could only assume was heroin by the way his nerves had stopped screaming and he was instantly sated. 

His gaze cast downward. 

“You hungry?” His stomach betrayed him and Benny smiled. “What do you want? Pancakes, french toast? Bacon and eggs?” Dean’s eyes lit up. He remembered the salty crispy goodness that was bacon and he nodded, a tad excitedly. When was the last time he had eaten? 

“Alright, sit down, you can watch whatever on the TV. I’ll bring it out to you.” He nodded and left, this man… he was something else. He was like no Alpha he had ever encountered. He was warm, not aggressive… No, it was a front. It had to be. No one can be that kind to a stranger. He wanted something from Dean and he’d be willing to give it to him if it meant Dean made it the week. He was good at fucking, that much he knew. He could take a beating too. He’d take a knife through the arm if it meant he had one week of rest. One week to recover. 

As he walked into the living room he realized just how rustic the rest of the house was compared to the kitchen. It looked like a log cabin really, but with every modern amenity you could possibly think of. The TV was some weird futuristic contraption in Dean’s eyes. It was flat. No box at the back. And it was huge. There was something that looked out of place, a small box that said ROKU on it. There was a remote sitting on the table that had the same name and it had buttons. He recognized Netflix and he looked around for a DVD but there was none with the label.  
How long has he been missing? Had anyone tried to find him? Because he felt like he was walking into the future just standing in the living room. He saw something on the table. It was flat for the most part but it opened. When he opened it he was shocked. A…Laptops were not this thin. 

Suddenly he felt overwhelmed and tears began to fall soon after. How long has he been gone? 

“Hey your breakfast i-“ Benny stopped when he saw the man crying. The man he wished he could give a name to, or find out his at least. His eyes were big as he looked around desperately. Wherever he had come from was not normal. “Hey…” Benny set his food down and knelt in front of him. “What’s the matter?” 

“L-like y-y-you c-care,” 

“I do. I wanna help you podna, now tell me what’s goin' on?” 

“I-I-I d-d-don't k-k-know how l-long I’ve b-b-been g-gone.” 

“What do you mean by that?” Dean fell silent and Benny sighed. “You want me to help you with the TV?” Dean nodded and tried to get his breathing under control. Benny turned it on and then turned Netflix on. “Use this to look through the shows and movies, okay?” 

* * *

 

He still had another week and a half off. He should be grieving but helping this man somehow became priority number one, not his own mental and physical health which was slowly starting to deteriorate with the lack of sleep. He had learned in school that if your mate dies it has horrible physical affects on the body, especially if the Alpha also carries a mating Mark from their mate in return. And Benny happened to. 

He felt like he was withdrawing from benzos like he had in his early teens. He was shaking, he had a headache and he was vomiting when no one was looking or around to hear. He swore that patches of hair were falling out. But it wasn’t in his nature to dwell on himself, even after something so heart breaking. 

He had just witnessed the man he had taken into his home have a breakdown over a TV and a computer. Then the response to Benny’s question really struck him wrong. “I don’t know how long I have been gone” he told Benny. Where had been, most importantly who the hell hurt him to the point he had a stutter? Where he couldn’t even look Benny in the eyes. On a good day, that Omega could probably wipe the floor with Benny and he wasn’t a small Alpha either. But whatever had happened to this man, the one who was marked by #38 on his right bicep, had turned him into something submissive and afraid of Benny. Afraid of Alpha. And his whole home smelled like Alpha.

Benny could tell there was fire in the man’s soul. Especially with the way he had growled at Benny the night before for getting too close. That… that was something else. Every instinct in Benny had screamed at him to use his Alpha voice on the Omega who dared challenge him in his own home. But that is not how Benny is. How he hopes he never shall be. 

Instead of calling Missouri he texted her about what had happened and she requested him to bring the man in. The same man he wished had a name. He didn’t want to call him #38, that seemed degrading and as Missouri said, that brand looked familiar and had made both of them uneasy. 

* * *

 

It was a fight, Dean had ended up punching Benny square in the jaw for scaring him by accident and then refused to leave the room as he cried into his knees. 

 _Bad Omega, Stupid Omega. You never hurt an Alpha ever_. 

That’s what was on repeat in Dean’s brain. Benny had given up after five minutes of gently trying to coax him out of the bedroom. He told him Missouri wanted to see him today and if he felt up to he’d be in the TV room and left it at that. Dean sobbed silently. On some level it felt good to cry. You weren’t allowed to cry there. You weren’t allowed to cry in hell. If you did you got beat worse. He remembered one girl named Anna. She had gotten stabbed to death by one of Victor's goons because she couldn’t stop crying. Dean had watched. 

And now he was afraid to cry again. Afraid that Benny word hurt him if he cried. He stood and wiped away the tears before heading out of the room. He found Benny exactly where the Alpha said he would be, in front of the TV. He walked over and tried to find some way to make it up to him before he lashed out at Dean. Alphas liked blow jobs and Dean was good at that. 

He kissed Benny hard on the lips and surprisingly Benny just pushed him away gently. 

“No need for that.” He told him, “I’m not mad at you. I scared ya, it’s my fault.” 

“I-I c-c-can m-make i-it u-p t-t-to y-you.” His stutter made him want to cry. He was fucking broken beyond repair. He was scarred, he was bruised, burned and beaten with a stutter. His eyes welled with tears. 

“Hey, none of that now.” 

“B-“ Benny silenced him. 

“I wanna know your name. Do you have one?” he asked softly, beautiful blue eyes looked into Dean’s soul. Dean shook his head. 

“D-D-Dean,” Benny nodded. Missouri had her suspicions and again they were true. He swore the woman was a psychic. 

“Come on. I need to change your wrappings and then you can take a shower. Missouri wants to make sure you’re okay.” Dean nodded slowly. He had broken his own rule. In a moment of weakness, he wanted desperately just to be treated like he was human. Like he was something more than just an Omega slut. Like he was worth something. He wanted to hear his name on someone else’s lips. He wanted to make sure that this was all real, not some psychosis he had gone into to escape the pain and suffering. And hearing his own name leave someone else’s lips was weirdly grounding. It gave him the small sense of comfort that this indeed was real. That he wasn’t slowly going insane… no, that he still had sanity left. 

He let Benny change the dressings, shooting warning looks over his shoulder every now and then until Benny covered them with something. 

“Let me show you to the bathroom.” Dean followed a few paces away. He let Benny explain how the extremely fancy shower worked with a recessed bench where he could sit. Dean couldn’t physically remember the last time he had showered. Benny left the door to the bathroom cracked telling Dean to yell for him if he needed anything and Dean turned the water on. He sighed as the water spread over his aching muscles. He let the spray from the shower head hit his hair and he scrubbed it and watched in disgust as the dirt and grime dripped down his face and onto the shower floor before slowly making it’s decent down the drain. Dean grabbed for the shampoo and lathered his hair sighing at the minty and distinctly clean smell he didn’t know someone could miss until it invaded his senses. He allowed himself to close his eyes and winced slightly as the Percocet started wearing off. 

But the jets of water made the ache in his back bearable. He ran his hands through his hair and made a pleasant noise as soap dripped down his face. He may not remember much beyond his name but he was damn sure he remembered something as simple as a shower and yet this one was probing him wrong. The jets of water were controlled, the water was just the right temperature. For some reason he had the faintest of memory of showering in only motel rooms and he couldn’t for the life of him figure why he had done that. But it didn’t matter.

He washed away every ounce of dried cum from his body, taking extra time to wipe away dried slick from the hormone pills they had shoved down his throat. And along with it came the blood that had dried. The blood that came from knots being forcefully pulled out of him. The blood that came from the mutilation they had used to keep him passive the first year he was there. Or was it first month? He didn’t know, didn’t care to know. Didn’t want to know. 

He rubbed body wash over his skin and sighed in relief as a menthol feeling took over his skin and lulled his muscles into a state of lucidness he had never known. Finally he let some tears fall knowing that his scent would be masked for the time being.  
What had he done to deserve what had happened to him? What had he done to deserve it? He wished he could remember what bad choice he had made that ended with locked in a cell for however long he was there.

Again, he didn’t know. It was frustrating. Frustrating to the point he hadn’t realized her had begun hitting the walk next to him until he felt skin tear on his knuckles. He winced deciding it was time get out of the shower before he destroyed Benny’s bathroom. He stepped out and dried off before slipping into a pair of jeans that had a belt with them, a Henley and there were a pair of boots in his size with socks. 

* * *

 

Benny smelled distressed Omega for about half hour after he knew Dean was done washing himself. He could smell it through the house it was so strong and he wondered what had happened to him again. Wondered who or what had done this. 

When he started hearing the banging he knew he was going to have to intervene at some point but was lucky he didn’t as he heard the water turn off and footsteps descending the stairs moments later. Dean’s hair was still wet but he was pleased to see he looked a little better, aside from his bruised and bloodied knuckles which Benny quickly attended too after much prodding. After that was taken care of the set out to Missouri's practice in town. 

Dean simply looked out the window, watching as the foliage went by. It was calming the giant ball of nerves his stomach had turned into the second he left the house. With each passing tree Dean felt a little calmer. He saw deer grazing in the meadow and wondered for a minute how the hell he hadn’t gotten killed the night before running through the woods as Benny stopped the ruck when a mountain lion ran by. He didn’t dwell on it. Deciding getting torn to death by a mountain lion was a better death than going back there. 

The town soon rolled onto the horizon as they passed over a bridge where people could be seen fishing. Benny stopped at a gas station to fill up the truck and Dean stepped out with him. The store was called Bishop’s. In the window were displayed machetes and hunting knives. Benny told him to come inside and that’s when Dean was met with a quirky young beta named Garth. 

“Benny, good to see you out and about.” 

“Good to see you too, Garth. Garth, this is Dean, he’s a friend of mine.” Dean have a very cautious wave and then was stuck to Benny like glue as they walked through the shop. He grabbed an axe and machete and a few fishing poles before getting a few bags of chips. 

“Alright, that’ll be 17.50$,” Dean wondered how an axe, machete and fishing poles averaged to that but didn’t question it. When he saw a Hershey bar his eyes widened and he looked at Benny. Benny raised an eyebrow and Dean pointed, feeling like a child, but not able to find his voice. Benny gave a charming smile and grabbed the chocolate bar and had Garth ring it up. 

He sat in the truck while Benny filled up the tank and munched happily on the chocolate. When Benny got in the car his gaze cast downward.

“Th-thank y-you.” 

“Not a problem,” Benny had southern charm about him that Dean could remember from old movies. A few memories hit him and he let’s go of a pained sob and Benny quickly pulls over. 

“You alright?” 

“I… I-I h-h-have a l-l-little b-br-brother.” He sobbed, Benny just nodded and put a reassuring hand on Dean’s shoulder while Dean cried. 

_Dean and his brother we’re curled up watching TV. The movie they were watching started Brad Cherrick, famous Alpha actor, as southern gentleman trying to win over his brothers mate as he quickly finds out is pregnant with his pup._

“What was the memory?” Dean shook his head. 

_Dean loved that movie because it really taught his brother something. A valuable life lesson. Always fight for what is yours. Or so Dean thought was important anyways._  
_As the movie continued it got increasingly more sad and his little brother was having none of it and insisted they turn on cartoons._

“W-w-we w-w-were wa- watching A Bu-bu-bullet f-f-for S-sa-sally.” Benny nodded, 

“That’s one of my favorite movies,” he told Dean. 

“Y-y-yeah?” 

“Yeah… Are you starting to remember things?” Dean felt his silent streak coming back because he was now exhausted. That little out burst had left him drained, so he only nodded. 

_Poor kid,_ Benny thought as he put the truck in drive and continued on their little journey. _I wish to hell I could help him more. Get him back to his family. If everything with Missouri goes right I might just do that._

He pulls into the parking lot of the small practice, which usually stayed closed on Sundays but Missouri opened just for them. That woman deserved an award if you asked Benny. Missouri met them outside and she smiled a sad smile at Dean. 

“Oh honey… I wanna run some blood work here, can we do that? I promise it won’t hurt, just a finger prick.” Dean nodded and followed her. 

“I’m gonna give the two of ya some privacy.” Missouri nodded and led Dean into an exam room. 

* * *

 

“Benny tells me your name is Dean.” He nodded, “you are definitely John Winchester’s boy.” She whispered before pricking his finger, “be back in a second.” She ran the blood and was surprised by what she saw. She returned with Benny in hand. 

“I had a theory as to why you were having memory loss and I really wished it wasn’t true. You have high levels of Benzodiazepines in your system along with high levels of OMGHE1, Omega Heat Enablers… The amount in your system is very high. In prolonged use, the two together can wipe many important memories. Including names, birthdays, family members… Where were you sweetie?” She asked softly, 

“I-I-I c-c-can't t-t-t-tell y-y-you. Th-th-they w-w-will k-ki-kill m-m-me.” He managed to get out and began to cry. 

“Dean, I’m gonna go make a phone call okay? Would it help if Benny stayed with you?” 

“No!” Dean cried, “pl-please… J-j-just l-leave m-m-me a-al-alone.” Benny nodded and went out to the waiting room with Missouri who was on the phone. 

“Thank you… Yes, I understand.” She hung up and looked at Benny. “Take him home. Police can’t do anything until he comes forward himself…” 

“He’s not going to… he’s afraid of me, ya'll really think he wants to get in a car with me now?” 

“I think right now he’s going with whatever helps him survive. So yes, I do. I want you to make sure that when he starts to detox you call me the second you notice him shaking. I have no doubt in my mind that is John Winchester’s boy in there. And that means he has been on that cocktail for the last ten years. It’s gonna be bad for him when he starts to come down. I should have realized there was something seriously wrong with him from the start.”  
Benny sighed and decided to check on Dean. Dean had his head in his hands and was sobbing quietly. 

“Don’t hit, it’s just me,” Dean just nodded. 

“P-p-please, g-g-get m-me o-out o-o-of he-here,” his voice trembled as he spoke and Benny felt his heart break just a little bit more for Dean than it already had. 

* * *

 

Benny paid the bill for the narcotics Missouri had left and the check in on Dean at his insistence all while Dean waited in the truck. When he walked back out Dean was asleep. 

Benny began to drive and he felt like the universe was messing with him. The opening chords to “Tears In Heaven” began to play and he felt sick. Why now? What higher power was doing this to him?  
Benny felt tears in his eyes as he listened. 

_Would you know my name_  
_If I saw you in heaven?_  
_Would it be the same_  
_If I saw you in heaven?_

_I must be strong and carry on_  
_'Cause I know I don't belong here in heaven_  
_Would you hold my hand_  
_If I saw you in heaven?_  
_Would you help me stand_  
_If I saw you in heaven?_

_I'll find my way through night and day_

_'Cause I know I just can't stay here in heaven_  
_Time can bring you down, time can bend your knees_

_Time can break your heart, have you begging please, begging please_

He turned off the radio and pulled over on the side of the road and let tears fall freely. Everyday since that day at the hospital he had felt more broken. Shattering little by little day by day. He was afraid that soon there would be nothing left of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think!


	3. Bridge Over Troubled Water

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “S-s-sing t-to m-m-me,” Dean mumbled. Benny nodded, Andrea would do this when she was sick.   
> ‘When you're weary, feeling small   
> When tears are in your eyes, I'll dry them all I'm on your side, oh, when times get rough  
> And friends just can't be found like a bridge over troubled water   
> I will lay me down like a bridge over troubled water I will lay me down'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is titled "Bridge Over Troubled Water" after the 1970 song by Simon and Garfunkel of the same name. 
> 
> This chapter was very hard to write because it had such important mile stoned for Benny and Dean's relationship. 
> 
> Dean has a flashback in this chapter and the dialogue in the flashback sequence is marked with apostrophes instead of quotes.

Benny carried Dean inside and tucked him in before retreating to his room. He closed the door gently and laid quietly in bed. It was mid afternoon and he was done. Done with the day. Done with life. Why? It seemed to be the only question he’d been asking himself. And he was sick of it. He wished he could move on, but he couldn’t. He seemed unable.   
Tears rolled down his cheeks and he began cry quietly. He missed her. And he felt like he was betraying her by not grieving properly. Betraying their unborn child. Child because they wanted to be surprised. And he never got to know. He hoped that they weren’t alone but together. He hoped that they had found each other and were waiting for him. 

Then… there was Dean. This was beyond grief. This was beyond scents matching. This was bordering true mate territory and it was scaring him. So he shook it all away. It was not the time for that. 

He just laid there crying, silent sobs escaping him until they became pained wails. He put a pillow over his face as he cried. He didn’t want to wake Dean. Dean didn’t need his shit. 

* * *

 

_‘What’s your name?'_

_‘Dean Winchester!’ Dean screamed, Victor tsked and drug the knife across Dean’s cheek._

_‘What’s your name?'_

_‘Dean Winchester!' He stabbed Dean in the shoulder causing Dean to cry out. ‘What the fuck do you want from me?!' Victor got in his face and twisted the knife as he spoke._

_‘What. Is. Your. Name?'_

_‘No one… I’m no one… please… please stop.’ Victor smiled,_

_‘That’s a good Omega.’ He soothed, ‘Azazel? Is it ready?’ he lifted Dean’s shirt sleeve._

_‘Wh-what are you doing?' He felt panic rising in him._

_‘Nothing you need to worry about, 38.’_

_‘No…’ Dean felt sick as he saw the hot iron brand with #38 on it. ‘No, no!' Azazel held him down and Dean began to struggle. ‘Stop! Stop! Stop! Ah!!' His scream cut his throat and he tastes blood as the red hot iron was pressed against his skin. ‘Stop! Stop it! Please_!'

Dean awoke screaming. Tears fell from his eyes and his bicep burned from the phantom pain. 

“Help!” He screamed to anyone that could hear him. “Help me!” 

_'Looks like we got a screamer,' Azazel said with glee._

_‘Stop!' Victor took the brand away from Dean’s arm before punching him._

_‘What’s your name?'_

_‘Dean Winchester,' he whispered. Victor twisted the knife again and Dean screamed,_

_‘What’s your name?!'_

_‘Number 38,’ Dean sobbed_. 

He was clawing at the burn mark trying to get it to stop aching. He was sobbing. It hurt. It hurt. God it hurt. 

“Help!”

_‘Help me! Somebody!'_

_‘No one is gonna help you sugar. This is where you’re gonna die. Everyone in your position dies. But, maybe we can get you to last longer than the others? Pretty young thing like you.’ A guard said. “You don’t stop screaming and crying you’re not even gonna be able to start your job, sweetness.”_

_‘My job?'_

_'Lets start with something easy… sucking my knot.’_

“Dean, Dean!” Benny barked and Dean stilled, body going completely rigid and then the tears came back full force. “Shh… hey…” Dean let himself take comfort in Benny for the moment, clinging to him like a life line. He wasn’t back there. He was okay. He was going to be okay. He was fine. He just had to breathe. But as he tried to force himself to take deep breaths more sobs tore through him.

Benny ran a hand carefully up and down his back, being mindful of the wounds there. Dean rested his head on his shoulder as he cried, short jagged breaths in and out, hiccupping, barely able to breathe. It felt like weights were slowly crushing his lungs. Benny had seen people have panic attacks before and he knew what was coming. 

“Hey, Dean. Listen to me, _sha_ , listen to me. Just focus on my voice, okay? Just listen to me. You’re safe, you’re gonna get through this. That’s it darlin', just breathe.”   
Dean let himself take comfort in the deep southern drawl and breathed in and out, letting his breathing calm. Just take deep breaths, Dean. _You can do this. Just take deep breaths_ , he thought. 

“There you go, that’s it. In and out.”

“I-I-I w-want m-my f-f-family.” Dean whispered, his stutter returning now that he didn’t think he was fighting for his life, just trying to stay alive. 

“We'll get you there,” Benny promised. “I promise we will get you there.” 

“I-I-I d-d-don’t w-want t-t-to l-leave y-you.” Dean said and tears returned. He is not supposed to trust Alphas. All they did was hurt you. Rape you. Abuse you. All they did was take a seventeen year old boy and break him. All they did was take away your memories and leave you broken and battered and worthless. That’s all an Alpha did. They only knew how to hurt. How to cause pain in unspeakable ways. Yet Benny broke everything he believed about Alphas. He was always calm, always kind, always caring. Trying to help Dean. 

Benny was floored to say the least. Why would Dean want him in his life? Benny was Broken, broken people can’t help broken people. Dean needed family, his family, to help him through this. But when Dean finally looked into his eyes he finally noticed his scent. Cinnamon, warm apple pie, bourbon, orange and cloves, leather… and… no. That wasn’t possible, but being this close Dean he realized that he had the most incredible smell. Surpassing Andrea's, and for a moment, just a moment, he let himself scent Dean and Dean did it back.

* * *

 

Dean noticed the claim but Benny didn’t smell mated. He wondered why. Wondered why he had a claim and no longer smelled mated… he remembered from school, a memory that was pleasant and didn’t leave him with heartache. A mated Alpha who bore a claim mark was a rare occurrence. If their mate died their scent would change back. And Dean now felt horrible for taking comfort in him. It explains the sad scent that seemed to waft through the house when Benny thought he was sleeping. It explained the deep sadness he saw behind those icy blue eyes. 

The smell of dinner wafted through the house and Dean’s mouth watered as the smell of braised onions, wine, and something else fantastic hit his nose. He stood and winced. His sobs had really jarred the stitches and he searched for the Percocet. He then began to feel ill. He felt shaky but not so bad just like it was cold. He shrugged it off and took a Percocet before heading out of the room. 

Benny was carving a roast on a wooden cutting bored with an almost wicked looking knife and a pair of tongs. There were mashed potatoes, cheesy broccoli, and garlic bread. 

“Hey, dinner is ready.” Dean nodded and sat at the small table in the kitchen. 

“B-Benny?” Dean asked, 

“Yes?” 

“T-t-thank y-y-you f-for e-e-earlier.” Benny smiled, 

“Don’t need to thank me, I was just makin' sure you were okay.” 

“I-i-it m-m-means a-a l-l-lot t-t-to m-me.”   
Benny smiled and brought the food over to the table before pouring a glass of whine for himself and a glass of juice for Dean. 

“C-c-can I-I a-ask y-y-you a-a qu-question?” Dean asked tentatively, Benny nodded. “W-w-what h-h-happened t-t-to y-y-yo-your m-m-mate?” Benny fell silent and Dean was sure that he was about to feel Alpha wrath but instead tears fell from Benny’s eyes. 

“She… She died last week.” He whispered, “she was also an Alpha… And we conceived… the pup uh… She hemorrhaged…” He let more tears fall but then wiped at his eyes. “Why do you ask?” 

“I-I-I s-s-saw y-y-yo-your c-c-claim.” That may have always confused Dean. An Alpha who mates someone, that bite is called a mating mark. But when alpha has one it is called a claim. Regardless of which Dean now felt horrible. “I-I’m s-s-sorry f-f-for y-y-your l-l-loss.”

“Thank you... Out of everyone who has said it… you are one of three people I’ve actually believed they meant it… Everyone says they’re sorry. Everyone says it and then they get back to their own lives and they just forget. Forget to ask how you’re doing in passing. Just forget that you’re grieving. They never ask if you need anything. Never ask how you are after the wake and funeral.” Benny felt more tears coming but he blinked them back. Dean reached across the table and put his hand on top of Benny’s. Benny looked down at it and then back at Dean who had tears in his eyes. 

“I-I…” he remembered just then loosing his mother. His little brother, who he was now sure was Sam, was three, Dean was seven. “W-w-when m-m-my m-m-mom d-d-died… I-it w-w-was t-t-the s-s-same.” Dean said, trying to provide comfort, but that fucking stutter made it hard. Little by little he was starting to trust the bear of the man but he still had his reserves. He couldn’t let himself be vulnerable. He wouldn’t allow himself. 

“Thank you Dean,” Benny said before taking a deep breath. “Let's eat,” Dean nodded and dug in. It was amazing. The roast was amazing. Everything was just amazing. He felt the Percocet kicking in he let go of a small chuckle. “What?” 

“P-p-percocet k-k-kicked i-i-in.” Benny nodded and they finished their meal in silence. 

* * *

 

While Dean slept, Benny watched Buffy while again nursing a beer. That seemed to be his nightly routine now. 90’s TV shows and one beer that turned into five and sometimes ten. Benny wouldn’t say he was an alcoholic, but he was definitely bordering on dangerous territory, no, not definitely. He had already dealt with being an alcoholic as a teenager. He didn’t need to go back to the place. Never go back to that place. 

But here he was, slowly falling back into that place. Because he was grieving. Because only three people cared about him, about his grieving. And one of them was Dean. A man so broken by the world that Benny wasn’t sure how he hadn’t gone insane. He didn’t need anymore shit. He hoped to hell that Dean’s family cared enough about him to get him help that Benny couldn’t provide. No, wasn’t in the position to provide. 

But Dean wanted Benny in his life. Dean wanted that and maybe Benny, on some level wanted that too. Because no matter how broken Dean was, he gave Benny hope. Hope that there was something beyond his grief. Maybe the man who had the most incredible scent ever was his key to moving beyond his grief. But again, Dean didn’t need that shit. Didn’t need Benny’s grief on top of his own problems. 

Benny sighed and just watched the TV. Buffy was Andrea’s favorite show. She had gotten him into it and he could really say it was one of the last pieces of her he had. Besides the one article of clothing he hadn’t donated. 

_Where do we go from here? Dawn had asked them._

_I believe there is a Hellmouth in Cleveland._

_Yeah! What are we gonna do now, Buff?_

Benny wondered why seven words bothered him so much. What are we gonna do now? Maybe it’s because he really didn’t know what he was going to do now. He sighed and turned off the TV. He could stop with one beer. He walked up stairs and again found himself standing in front of the nursery. He opened the door and walked in. 

He walked over to the crib that was never going to be used. Shed a tear and picked up the teddy bear that laid in there and held it against him. It hurt so bad. Knowing this room was here and it was never going to be used. He set the teddy bear down before going to the book shelf where Andrea had insisted the entire Percy Jackson series sat, along with Harry Potter and The Lord Of The Rings. 

He took a deep breath and walked out before closing the door and turning the lock. It was done. He felt a small sense of closer now. Because it was a door that was meant to stay shut. Because it only served as a reminder as to what he had lost. 

* * *

 

Dean was sweating and shaking and puking by the time Benny barged into the room. He rolled Dean on his side and quickly called Missouri. 

“The withdrawals started get over here!” He baked, 

“Benny Laffite don’t you dare use your alpha voice on me. I’ll be over.” 

* * *

 

Missouri must have broken a few laws getting to the house and quickly injected Dean with a medication called Flumazenil. Benny almost lost it when that had happened. Why? He didn’t really know. But Dean started to get better. 

“I have helped people through this before. When I worked at the hospital back in Lawrence I treated people who had overdosed on Valium. This may take about fifteen days with the levels in his system especially with the OMGHE1 this could be a two week process.” 

* * *

 

“B-B-Benny?” Dean asked weakly, 

“I’m right here, what do you need?” Dean was shaking still. 

“N-n-need w-w-water.” Benny nodded and left the room to get water for Dean. Missouri was sitting at the table writing in a medical journal. 

“How much you need for this?” 

“Nothing. I’m doin' this in my dime.” 

“Please let me pay ya,” 

“Benny, you already paid me once. I’m doin' this for free. Now let’s leave it at that. What are you doing still standing here? Get that boy some water!” Benny nodded and got the water and brought it Dean who drank it greedily. 

“S-s-stay w-w-with m-m-me,” he pleaded. Benny nodded and got in bed with him, before wrapping his arm around Dean’s shoulder. 

“Just sleep darlin’,” he soothed. 

“S-s-sing t-to m-m-me,” Dean mumbled. Benny nodded, Andrea would do this when she was sick. 

_‘When you're weary, feeling small_   
_When tears are in your eyes, I'll dry them all I'm on your side, oh, when times get rough_   
_And friends just can't be found like a bridge over troubled water_   
_I will lay me down like a bridge over troubled water I will lay me down'_

Dean’s breathing evened out and Benny sighed before unfolding himself from hi- the sleeping Omega. Dean was not his. Not by a long shot and the fact that his brain thought that was keying him off. But he’d ignore it. Dean didn’t need more broken. And Benny didn’t either. 

* * *

 

“He’s asleep,” Benny told her, she nodded. 

“You have a wonderful voice darlin',” Missouri commented. Benny blushed a little. “You care so much about others Benny… you need to take time for you. Especially with the way you two act together.” She said knowingly, 

“There’s nothing there… he’s a friend.” 

“Boy, you think I’m dumb? Singing to him 'til he falls asleep? Regardless. My husband is going to run the clinic so I can be here to help Dean through this.” Benny nodded, “Why don’t you go to bed. It’s late.” Benny nodded and walked up to his bedroom. He stripped and got in bed before pulling the sheets over him. 

He hated this. He hated the fact that he wanted to comfort Dean. He wasn’t acting on it because of his caring nature… well, he was, but he was also acting on instinct. 

* * *

 

Dean woke up and realized Benny was gone. He wanted to go find him, take comfort in him. Because with Benny, as much as everything he had told himself about Alphas… Benny made him feel safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all enjoy


	4. One Hot Summer Night, At The Beginning Of June

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Because one hot summer night, at the beginning of June, an Omega fell into his life. One with the most amazing scent imaginable. One, who inadvertently, was helping Benny heal. An Omega that Benny wanted as his.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I'm updating late. I was at the emergency room with my mom all day yesterday. 
> 
> Another milestone for Dean and Benny. As HUGE one.

Two weeks could sure fly by when you were alternating between puking, shaking, sweating and falling asleep. They also passed by when you had terrifying hallucinations, when you were in a state of mind where you weren’t quite sure if you were, alive, dead, or somewhere in between. And that’s how Dean found himself, two weeks later on a Monday, with a small headache and severely thirsty. Benny had stayed with him through it all. Making sure he was okay, making sure he at least got crackers in him so he didn’t starve… Benny had held through particularly rough spells where he was delusional and talking to people who didn’t exist. When he was screaming in agony from the muscle spasms. Benny was what made Dean get through it. 

Missouri too. She made sure he was properly hydrated, making sure Benny slept. Making sure Dean had medication to help with the withdrawals. She gave him sleeping medicine and buspirone which helped with the raging anxiety. She made sure Dean was comfortable and was warden of the room. Knowing that Dean could have and would have hurt Benny during one of his hallucinations about being back in hell. In reality, she had kept them both safe. Kept both their heads above water.   
Dean stretched. One week he had thought. 

Oneweek turned into two… what if Benny wanted him gone? What if he kicked him out and never spoke to him ever again? Fear welled in him and he got out of bed. Walking towards the door he hears voices… One belonging to Benny, one to Missouri and one… 

_“Hey dudes!”_

_“Charlie, hey!” Dean said with a smile, “what’s up?” She huffed and sat down._

_“Pining after Jo… she really is not interested… yet.”_

Dean rushed out of the room and saw the read head standing there, talking to Benny and Missouri. 

“Ch-Ch-Charlie?” She turned around and ran to him, pulling him into an almost crushing hug. 

“Dean!” She cried, “where have you been?” She sobbed, he fell silent and she nodded and squeezed tighter. “You’re alive.” 

“I-I-I a-am,” he whispered. She felt familiar, her scent was familiar. He didn’t remember it until now but it reminded him of something that felt missing. Family. “A-a-are w-w-we r-r-related?” Charlie nodded, 

“Yeah, we are. You’re my cousin.” Charlie had found out about Dean’s memory loss when Missouri had contacted her. Sam was already on his way. 

“C-c-can I-I g-g-get a-a-a m-m-minute a-a-alone w-w-wi-with B-B-Benny?” Dean asked, nodding Missouri led Charlie to the kitchen. 

“You okay?” Dean hugged him, 

“Th-th-thank y-y-you f-for e-e-every-th-thing, B-B-Benny.” He whispered, Benny wrapped his arms around Dean and nodded. 

“No need to thank me, Dean.” He pulled back and placed his hands on Dean’s shoulder and smiled. “Now go see her, she’s been waiting ten years.” Dean shook his head, 

“A-a-are y-y-you g-g-gonna m-m-make m-m-me l-l-leave? He whispered, Benny didn’t know how to respond. 

“Don’t you wanna go with your family?” 

“I-I-I w-w-want y-y-you t-t-to c-c-come.” Dean said, “c-c-can’t d-d-o i-i-it w-w-w-with-o-out y-y-you.” Dean said, “n-n-need y-y-you.” 

“Why do you need me, Dean? I’m nothing special…” Benny responded, 

“B-b-because I-I-I t-t-trust y-y-you,” Dean whispered. 

“I can’t just come home with you Dean. I have a home here.” Benny said, 

“C-c-can… C-c-can I-I-I c-c-come b-b-back?” Benny answered a little too quickly for his own liking, 

“Of course. You’re always welcome here, Dean.” Benny assured, “we got a hold of your brother, cher, he’s coming to get you in a few days.” 

“S-S-Sam?” 

“Yeah, the second he heard you were found he was applying for time off from work. He’s driving out here from Sioux Falls.” Dean smiled, “Dean… You’re always gonna be welcome here. Never forget that.” 

* * *

 

Charlie had come up with an idea that Benny nearly smacked himself for not coming up with. Until he got help and medication to help his stutter, she suggested he use a note-pad to communicate. Dean had objected to it, insisting on trying to talk. Finally explaining after some prodding that he had missed the sound of his own voice and then left it at that. But relented when Charlie asked what one thing he had remembered from before his time “spent” missing as she had put it.   
And he had written about his mother’s death and how he had tried desperately to keep his family together. 

“So…” she asked quietly, 

“W-w-what?” Dean whispered back, 

“Are you and Benny?” Dean blushed and shook his head. 

“N-n-no… H-h-he's m-m-my f-f-friend.” Charlie nodded and her face got serious. 

“We… we thought you were dead.” She said, “we didn’t know what happened, Dean. We… we thought someone kidnapped you and killed you dead… Your dad… Your dad…” She let go of a few tears, “he lost himself Dean. I loved uncle John like a second dad, and I watched him drink himself to death… the last thing he ever said was that this was his fault before he stopped talking.” 

“M-m-my d-d-dad i-i-i-is d-d-dead?” 

“Yeah… he lived five years after you were gone. He packed Sammy up and moved him in with uncle Bobby, and then I stepped in to take care of him. I became his guardian by state law because of his deteriorating health… He suffered Dean. One morning I went to wake him up for breakfast and he… he was gone.” Dean nodded and tears fell. 

“I-I-I w-w-wished I-I-I c-c-could r-r-remem-remember h-him.” He sobbed, Charlie pulled him into a hug. 

“It’s okay Dean. It isn’t your fault.” 

* * *

 

As Charlie left for the day Dean was left with a void. One that had occurred the second he had found out about his father’s passing. One that had triggered a memory he wished hadn’t existed.

_“What is your problem with me?!” Dean screamed,_

_“I don’t got a problem with you, I got a problem with your choices! Sneaking out on your heats? Getting knotted in exchange for weed?”_

_“It’s my life dad!”_

_“You are a male Omega Dean! Do you know how many Alphas would just rape you for sheer sport? Because you’re a rarity? How many would kidnap you and mate you against your will?”_

_“I can take care of myself.” He went to walk towards the door._

_“You walk out that door don’t you dare expect you can come back to this house!” Dean looked at his father dead in the eyes and walked out the door before slamming it shut._

Dean had retreated to the back deck and was comforted by the sight in front of him. There was a small spring fed pond that was surrounded by wild flowers in different shades of orange's, purple’s, and blues. Bees buzzed around, landing on them. He saw deer at the back edge of the property, grazing on the summer grass, occasionally looking up. With them were their fawns from spring who were getting big, loosing the baby look and almost fully into adulthood. 

He saw a black bear roaming around, rubbing it’s back against trees and making huffing noises that he found adorable. The amount of scents that flooded his senses were not only calming but incredible. Evergreens, a distinct pine smell that he found calming, maple trees with a sweet scent with a twinge of bitterness, wild honeysuckle which spurred a memory from his childhood of him and his mother. How she would pick the ones that smelled the best at his insistence. How the water smelled clean and natural, no scent of led and other metals and sediments, how the animals all had a unique smell their own, individually. 

This may be his new favorite place in the world because of how it calmed him. How instead of breaking down over potentially the last memory he had of his father, he was able to just breathe and for once and not cry. Not be weak. That’s something he had slowly begun to hate about himself. His weakness. The way things were coming to he surface that made him cry like a scared child and look for comfort in a man he wasn’t sure how he was able to trust. Because he was an Alpha after all. But every defense Dean had built over the last ten years. Every single thing he had told himself about Alphas so he could keep himself at a distance, keep himself alive, was being broken by Benny. Because Benny didn’t act like an Alpha. He treated Dean with compassion and empathy and a caring emotion. He treated Dean like he was a human being instead of just some number. Some Omega slut who had a clock that was slowly ticking down over his head for a decade. 

And he didn’t deserve it. He didn’t deserve Benny’s kindness, or his compassion. He wasn’t quite sure what had possessed the Alpha to leave an open invitation to his home but Dean was glad. Dean would allow him to be selfish because of all he had given. All he had been through. He deserved to be selfish with something. Even if that something was an Alpha he was slowly beginning to care about. To trust. 

Because in Benny he saw himself. Not to the extent of his damage and baggage but the sadness and sense of worthlessness, because of the self-hating scent that seemed to pour off the Alpha. Dean identified with that more than anything… because he was worthless, because he was sad, because he hated himself. Because no matter how the world saw him… he was too far gone. Broken beyond repair. 

* * *

 

Benny found Dean sitting on the back deck looking out into the back yard, a mask of somberness yet also serenity adorned the face that Benny was slowly starting to think was beautiful. He sat next to him and just looked out into the back yard. 

“I-I-I d-d-don’t w-want t-t-to l-leave y-you… B-B-Benny, I-I d-d-don’t w-want t-t-to.” 

“Why don’t you want to leave me?” Benny asked, Dean fell silent. “Dean, come on, you can tell me.” 

“Y-y-you s-s-smell s-s-safe.” Dean said turning to face him, he reached for the note-pad and began to write. 

'Benny, I physically can’t remember the last time I felt safe. With you I feel hat. Not only that, your scent smells like safety.’ Benny looked at the note-pad and nodded. 

“Then don’t leave me. I took an absence from work and I can do it again, I’ve got the time. You go with your brother, and when you’re ready to come home I will come and get you.” 

“H-h-home?” Dean asked hopefully, “I-I-I h-h-have a-a-a h-h-home?” Benny nodded and Dean smiled and as a smile took over his face tears fell from his eyes. 

“What’s wrong?” 

“I-I-I’m h-h-ha-happy,” Dean said. “H-h-haven’t h-h-had a-a-a h-h-home i-in s-s-so l-l-long.” 

* * *

 

The day passed as Dean and Benny shared small glances and looks. Benny was beginning to be confused by his actions and feelings. How he wanted to take all of Dean’s pain away, still not fully dealing with his own. How every time he looked at Dean he felt something stir inside him. How Dean was rapidly becoming his friend when Benny had originally wanted to just help and keep him at a distance. 

Now, here he was, in a house that finally smelled happy, as both their scents mingled while they watched a movie. The smell of happy Omega was amazing Benny decided as it blended with Dean’s already fantastic smell, making it smell sweet on top of everything else. 

Neither of them made it to their rooms, they both fell asleep on the couch, Dean’s head on Benny’s shoulder. 

Benny awoke the next morning to knocking at the door, he gently woke Dean up before standing and stretching. Walking over to the door he smelled Alpha and instincts took over and he felt a protective streak pass through him. He opened the door and there stood a man who towered over him. Easily standing at 6’4” with long brown hair and eyes they seemed to change color. 

“Benny Laffite?” Benny nodded and crossed his arms, “I’m Sam Winchester.” 

“You weren’t due here until tonight.” 

“I drove through the night… is he here?” He asked hopefully, Benny nodded and led him into the living room where Dean was rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. Dean stilled when he smelled another Alpha that wasn’t Benny or Charlie. He saw the man in question, he was tall, long brown hair… Sam. 

“S-S-Sammy?” Dean asked in disbelief, 

“Dean…” Sam scooped him up into a hug and he began to cry. “You’re alive… You’re alive.”

* * *

 

Benny watched the long lost brothers interact, there were tears, laughs, and solemn looks whenever Sam mentioned their father. Every now and then Dean would look to him, as if expecting Benny to have the answers, what to say, how to say it. But he didn’t. Benny wasn’t an all knowing being. He was human, and he wished he had the answers to make this easier on Dean. 

Sam spoke of his depression, how it had been set off when Dean was officially filed under missing persons. How he had managed to keep his head above water with school. How it had changed when he had met his mate, Jessica. How Dean was going to be an uncle to which Dean had cried upon finding out, finding his voice and asking if it was a boy or girl. 

“It’s a boy… we’re naming him John, after dad.” Dean nodded and they continued to chat. Sam’s words took a careful edge as he asked Dean the question they all wanted to know. “Where were you, Dean?” His voice was soft and he spoke each word so carefully like he had practiced how he wanted that sentence to sound. Dean fell silent and distressed Omega hit both Alphas. 

“I-I-I c-c-can’t t-t-t-tell y-y-you…” He trailed off before looking at Benny. 

“Please, sha, we ain’t gonna force you into anything, we just wanna know where you were.” Dean shook his head, 

“N-no. D-d-don’t m-m-make m-m-me…” Tears welled in his eyes and they began to fall. 

“We just wanna help you, Dean,” Sam said. He grabbed his note-pad and began to write. 

'Somewhere… I don’t even know where. I saw people die, people murdered… saw people overdose on cocaine and heroin.’ And then he broke down, sobs shook his body. Benny felt a tightness in his chest upon seeing this and walked over before kneeling in front of him. 

“Dean, look at me.” He said softly, Dean looked up and Benny wiped at the tears with his thumbs. “What you just did was incredibly brave. I’m proud of you.” Sam watched the exchange and a growl left him. 

“Benny, can I talk to you?” Benny smelled pissed off Alpha and sighed before following Sam out of the living room and onto the front porch. “You son of a bitch. Are you using him?” Benny stepped up to him, 

“I’m not using anyone, especially not Dean. Why do you ask?” 

“The fact that you just wiped his tears away. The fact that he keeps looking at you like you have all the answers. What the hell did you do to his mind since finding him?” Benny growled, 

“I haven’t done a thing. You may be his brother, but coming into my own home and challenging me? That’s a dumb move.” 

“That’s enough!” Both turned to see Charlie. “If you can’t tell Dean is stressing in there because all he can smell is angry Alpha. Now put the knots away.” They both then noticed the smell of scared Omega. “And Sam?”

“What?” 

“What ever Dean and Benny have is none of you’re fucking business so cool it. All Benny has done is help him, we should be grateful that Benny found Dean when he did.” Sam looked crestfallen while Benny simply nodded. When they all headed inside Dean was no where to be found. Benny felt panic rise in him, he wasn’t in the house. Sam and Charlie shared similar looks of concern and one unspoken question hung in the air. Where was he?

* * *

 

If there was one thing Dean knew he was good at, it would be running. He ran as fast as he could away from the smell of Angry Alpha, out the back door and into the woods. Finally he sat down and leaned against a tree before bringing his knees to his chest as tears fell from his eyes. 

This only instilled his theory that Alphas truly were only capable of aggression. He had hoped, somewhere in his mind, that he would never pick up Benny’s scent while he was angry. But he had, and it was strong, sour smelling, and practically left a fowl taste in Dean’s mouth. Benny didn’t get mad like a normal Alpha Dean realized. His skipped a step and became Alpha rage. But then again, Sam had challenged Benny in his own home. That was a big no-no. If there was one thing Dean remembered from biology was that you never challenged an Alpha in their own home. The fact that he smelled Sam still alive meant that Benny had some serious self control compared to some of the horror stories that he had learned about all those years ago. And somewhere in the back of his mind it pissed him off that he remembered biology but not his own family but there was only really one thing on his mind. Fear. Because angry Alpha is all he had smelled for the last ten years. 

He hated to think that Benny and Sam weren’t getting along. It bothered him in ways he couldn’t describe. Because whether people liked it or not, Benny was a huge part of Dean’s life. Just exactly where Benny fell on Dean’s radar was unclear. Because he didn’t know how to handle his feeling for Benny. Didn’t know what they meant. Didn’t know why Benny’s scent was the most incredible thing he had ever smelled.   
He heard footsteps and looked up to see Benny. He shook his head and looked back down. 

“Dean, come on, I didn’t mean to scare ya.” Dean shook his head, 

“I-I-I d-d-don’t w-want t-t-to s-s-see p-p-people f-f-fight… O-or b-be a-a-angry a-at e-e-each o-o-other.” Dean said in a small voice, “d-d-don’t w-w-want i-i-it.” Benny nodded, 

“I’m so sorry…” Benny felt guilty, especially after finding out exactly the type of situation Dean had been in, and then he had went Alpha on Dean’s brother no less. He knelt in front of Dean and looked into his eyes. “I didn’t mean to scare you. How can I make this better?” 

How could he make it better, Dean wondered. How could Benny make anything better after exposing him to near violence. Dean just shook his head and stood up and marched past Benny back towards the house. Benny followed closely behind. 

“Dean… please tell me what I can do to fix this.” 

“N-n-no m-m-more p-p-posturing…” Dean said as he stopped. He turned to look at Benny.

“N-n-no m-m-more o-o-of i-i-it.” 

“I promise,” Dean nodded and continued to walk. 

* * *

 

The next day came to quickly for Dean’s liking. He would be staying a week with Sam in Sioux Falls before Benny went to pick him up. He had absolutely no clothes. Sam had promised they would stop to get him some. 

Ashe stood looking into the bedroom he had stayed in for the last two weeks he felt almost numb. Because he was leaving home… his home. He had a home. Sam, though extremely reluctant, decided this place was better for Dean. He didn’t need any large changes in his life for the time being.   
While Sam waited in the car Benny came in. 

“You ready?” He asked hesitantly, clearly saddened by the fact Dean would be gone for a week. Dean nodded and turned to face him.   
  


"Y-y-you p-p-promise I-I-I c-c-can c-c-come b-b-back?” 

“Of course, darlin'.” Dean nodded as he walked slowly to the door, trying to bide his time he finally turned to Benny and hugged him before kissing him softly. 

“T-t-thank y-y-you,” Benny looked at Dean with wide eyes.

“For what?” 

“E-e-everything,” he kissed Benny one last time before heading out the door. And Benny watched from the porch as the man who had literally fallen into his life get into the car and pull out of the driveway. He touched his lips. Dean… How did two small kisses affect him so much… why hadn’t he stopped him? Benny stepped back into his house, only thinking about Dean. As it was at the current moment, the loss of his pup, the loss of Andrea, were at the back of his mind. Because when Dean had kissed he felt whole again. The void that was left behind felt filled once more. And that scared him. What was Dean to him? 

* * *

 

“Hey,” Lisa, Benny’s boss said as he went into work. 

“Hey,” 

“You okay?” 

“Just fine…” Benny trailed off as he clocked in. “Just having a small crisis is all.” He mumbled, she nodded. 

“Alright, get to work. You can leave early today if you need. Victor is here and is bitching about not having French Onion soup.” Benny groaned and got to work quickly. Once the French Onion soup was made he took it to the table himself. He did not like Victor. He got some serious bad vibes from the man who always smelled… like death. It followed him wherever he went, it had scared away other costumers before. 

He was a middle aged African American man who stood at 6’0” tall and always wore a designer suit. He drove a luxury car, Benny believed it was a Cadillac, and had arrogance in waves. Benny hated him because of some of things he had heard Victor discussing in passing. But until he had the balls to record a conversation and possibly face jail time for it he could do nothing about it. 

“Thanks, Benny.” He said with a pleasant smile, 

“Enjoy,” Benny said before heading back to the kitchen. He really hated Victor. He had other reasons too. Like the way he had sexually assaulted Andrea and how he expected Benny to just be okay with it. Lisa noticed his turn in mood. 

“I can make him leave if you want. No one wants him here.” 

“No, we might as well get money from him. Spit in his damn soup anyways.” She smirked, 

“That’s something you really shouldn’t tell your boss,” 

“Well,” is all he said before the lunch rush came in and he started making order after order. By the end of the lunch rush Benny decided it was a tad too much. He told Lisa he was leaving and she nodded, telling him that she understood and hoped he’d be back tomorrow. He got home and half expected Dean to be there but remembered he wasn’t. Remembered that he was with his family. And it hurt. 

_Why aren’t I enough_ and he damn near smacked himself for thinking that. Dean wasn’t his Omega. He shouldn’t even be thinking like that. He had just lost his mate and unborn pup three weeks ago. Why was he feeling like this? Was… was Dean his true mate? Because he thought he had found that in Andrea because their scents matched. But Dean had shattered everything about that.   
How his scent was probably the most calming thing Benny had ever experienced. How it took every ounce of self control within him to not press Dean against the wall and mate him when they kissed… because it wasn’t one sided. Because Benny had reciprocated. How it hurt with Dean gone. How that void that had been filled was quickly returning. Again he wondered what Dean was to him. Because it was amazing. Beautiful. And terrifying. And what scared Benny the most was that he wanted Dean. He wanted to be there for him, be in every part of that man’s life until his dying breath. 

He just didn’t know how to handle it. How it felt like he was betraying her in every way shape and form. Because you’re supposed to grieve losses. But Benny hadn’t. Not as much as he had liked. Because one hot summer night, at the beginning of June, an Omega fell into his life. One with the most amazing scent imaginable. One, who inadvertently, was helping Benny heal. An Omega that Benny wanted as his. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all enjoy :)


	5. Going Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean is happy he is going home. More and more he begins to trust Benny. And before an incident at a dinner on their way home, a song reminds Dean of his mother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have decided that it is the saddest thing to me that there are not more Dean and Benny pairing fics. Seriously makes me sad. Anyways. 
> 
> Chapter Summary's are not my strong suit... So I apologise if it seems all over the place. I promise this chapter is good.

The week passed. Benny went to work, was able to come home as he needed, which was less and less. By the day he was going to leave to get Dean came around, he was excited. Dean was finally coming home. Finally coming back to where he belonged. He wondered how it had went for Dean, seeing his family and friends again. Wondered if he wanted to still come home. When his phone rang with Sam’s caller ID he answered. 

“Sam?” 

“B-Benny?” 

“Dean,” he beamed. “Are you okay?” 

“A-a-are y-y-you s-s-still c-c-coming t-t-to g-g-get m-m-me?” 

“Of course I am. I’m about to head out.” Benny heard a relieved sigh from Dean and smiled. “Did you think I wasn’t coming for you?” 

“I-I-I w-w-was s-s-scared y-y-you f-f-for-forgot.” 

“I would never.” And he meant it. Though he had been getting back into the swing of things, Dean was always on his mind. Every thought the man had was practically about the Omega. 

“I-I-I k-k-kissed y-y-you…” 

“And?” Benny asked, “I wasn’t bothered by it, so stop stressing. I’m coming to get you.” 

“O-o-okay, b-b-bye B-B-Benny.”

“Bye,” Benny smiled. He was more than okay with the fact Dean had kissed him. He had wanted it on some level since knowing Dean, be that it was really only three days of knowing him since he was delirious for two weeks, but damn if it didn’t feel right. And he felt like a fucking asshole for it. Because of Andrea. Because of the pup. But he couldn’t help it. Dean… Dean was doing things to him he didn’t know were really possible. Bringing out protective instincts Benny didn’t know he had. Dean was changing him and he may be just okay with it. 

He turned the light off in the parlor and walked out of the house before locking it. He really didn’t need to seeing as there was little to know crime in Jackman but black bears have been known to open unlocked doors and he would not like to take a chance of that happening. So with that, he got into the truck and set out. 

* * *

 

Dean had found out his father had left him a few things in his will. His mom’s cookbook, his father’s leather jacket and gold wrist watch, and most importantly, the Impala, which sparked a memory of when Dean was younger, riding around in the beautiful car. He didn’t remember how to drive though, but Sam promised he would get it to him. 

“Hey, kid,” he looked to see Ellen standing there and he smiled. 

“H-h-hi.”

“You dissapearin' like that was a lot of heartache for us. So I expect you to call me daily, you hear me?” He nodded and smiled. 

“H-h-how's J-J-Jo?” She smiled, 

“She and Charlie found a doner and they are expecting my first Grandpup.” Dean smiled, 

“I-I-I’m h-h-happy f-f-for y-y-you.”

“Thank you, now get your ass inside, it’s chow time. I made bacon cheese burgers.” Dean’s eyes widened and he rushed inside, before he even sat down he had taken a large bite, moaning at the taste.

“T-t-this i-is a-a-amazing,” he said. 

“Glad you like it… Where the hell is Bobby?” She asked, Dean shrugged, “Bobby Singer, get your ass in here before I smack ya!” He rolled into the kitchen. He had been paralyzed while working on a car when it fell on him. 

“Oh bite me,” the grumpy old Beta said. Ellen glared and Dean chuckled. 

“Y-y-you s-s-shouldn’t h-h-have d-d-done t-t-that,” 

“Shuddup boy,” Dean smiled. 

* * *

 

Two days passed quickly. Dean had yet gotten to meet Jessica as she was put on bed rest with the possibility of going into labor. Dean was excited that he was able to go home… Home. That’s a word he didn’t know would ever really be in his vocabulary. Because as he was around his family more and more memories of John and his childhood came back. How they had lost the house because of they couldn’t meet the payments after Mary had died due to the expenses of her medical bills and funeral. How they had lived out of motels for most of his childhood. How they didn’t have another stable home until the year before he had gone missing. 

And he remembered how much he had loved his father. How much he had tried his best with them. How even when they barely had money John would still pay for someone’s coffee if they were short. And it broke his heart that indeed, the last time he and his father had spoken was the day of their fight.  
Regardless of the painful memories he had a wonderful time getting to know everyone again… that’s a lie. He missed his alp- he missed Benny. His Alpha? Where the hell did that come from? Benny was not his Alpha. He didn’t have an Alpha. He didn’t want an Alpha at any point in his life from what he could remember. Especially not now, not after everything. But the man, who’s scent was wonderful, set off every instinct inside Dean. The man who treated him like a human instead of a walking ticking time bomb like his family had been doing. Benny made him feel wanted. Made him feel okay even though he had night terrors he had let nobody know about. Most of the time, except that once at Benny’s, he was paralyzed with fear. Unable to move, speak, barely breathe, all he could really do was lay there and cry silently until he passed out from exhaustion. Ellen may have been tipped off because she was too smart for her own good. She had all but guessed some of the things Dean had been through because of the way he acted around other Alphas that weren’t in his family. The way he would tense and have a small episode that only she recognized when they had been out in public. 

And he didn’t like that one bit. But she never pressured him to talk about it. Never really tried beyond asking a simple question. She had been like a mother to him growing up he found out. He and Jo had been best friends and when John was working an assortment of jobs he’d find himself on her doorstep with a small Sam. Ellen had made sure they made it to school, made sure they were clothed, fed… she was an amazing woman. She cared. 

Dean found himself waiting by the door at Bobby’s with a suitcase that held this own things. Clothes, a laptop that Sam had to explain how to use, and Dean had gotten the hang of it. Charlie had gotten him the entire star wars series along with Game of Thrones and the book as well. She had tried getting him into TV shows like The Vampire Diaries but Dean found no interest. 

A show that he did enjoy however was Buffy. It was witty and definitely good. It was classic 90’s she had said. Charmed was also good he had decided when he watched a rerun with her while they ate take out at Bobby’s. That’s what he loved. She was a nerd. He remembered that much from one memory when they were younger. She had already loved Buffy and all things nerdy. Dr. Who, Harry Potter, The Lord Of The Rings. Her final parting gift to him was the box set of Buffy and Angel. He was pulled from his thoughts when there was a knock at the door. 

“Dean?” Jo! She walked in and when she saw him tears sprang to her eyes. “I… I was working nights at the hospital and… Get over here and hug me!” He rushed to her and pulled her into a hug. 

“C-c-congratulations.” He said, 

“Thank you… You’re okay… You’re here. Oh my God you’re actually here…” She sobbed, “when mom told me you were here I was so happy. I’m so sorry I couldn’t come sooner.” 

“I-i-it’s o-o-okay.” Dean responded, Jo just held onto him, like she didn’t believe he was actually there until a smell hit Dean’s senses. Pecan pie, spiced rum, pine needles. It was Benny. Dean smiled and let go of Jo. Sam had already said goodbye. Benny knocked at the door and Dean opened it before pulling Benny into a hug. Benny returned it and closed his eyes. 

“I-I-I m-m-missed y-y-you,” Dean whispered and scented Benny. A scent that meant safety, acceptance… a scent that smelled like home. Jo sniffled, 

“Mom, Dean is leaving!” She called, Bobby was there before Ellen. 

“C’mere kid,” Dean walked over and Bobby hugged him around the waist. “You better keep in touch, if you don’t I’ll blow your fucking head off.” He said light heartedly. 

“Bobby!” Ellen screamed, she rushed to Dean and pulled him into a hug. “Please make sure to call us.” Ellen took out a piece of paper and handed it to Benny. “This man is like my son. If I don’t get a call from him the second you’re home you answer to me, understand?” Benny nodded as he looked at the piece of paper that held her phone number. 

“Ya’ll take care of yourselves,” Bobby said. Dean and Benny nodded before leaving the house. They sat in the car for a moment and finally Benny turned to Dean. 

“I think we need to get you a cellphone,” Dean nodded. 

“O-o-okay,” Dean said. They set off and stopped a store where Dean got one. Benny had to show him how to use it but he quickly got the hang of it. Music played through the speakers of the truck. A song Dean had heard a long time ago. One that held a deeper meaning to him than most people. A song he identified with because of when he had lost his mother. 

_Shadows are fallin' and I'm runnin' out of breath_

_Keep me in your heart for a while_

_If I leave you it doesn't mean I love you any less_

_Keep me in your heart for a while_

_When you get up in the mornin' and you see that crazy sun_

_Keep me in your heart for a while_

_There's a train leavin' nightly called "When All is Said and Done"_

_Keep me in your heart for a while_

_Keep me in your heart for a while_

He had first heard the song the day of it’s release. Which had been the day of his mother’s death.

“You okay?” Benny asks, Dean shakes his head.

“T-t-this s-s-song r-r-rem-reminds m-m-me o-of m-m-my m-m-mom.” Benny nodded, Benny had his hand on the seat and Dean looked at it before taking it in his own. Benny cast a look at him from the side but said nothing as he continued to drive. Finally they pulled over for lunch. As they walked through the doors of the small diner they got some looks as they sat down.

“What can I get you two to drink?”

“A coke,” Benny said.

“D.Dr. P.p.pepper,” Dean said. She nodded and as she walked away mumbled “fucking stutterer” under her breath, but both Dean and Benny caught it. Benny went to go after her but stopped when saw tears in Dean’s eyes.

“Dean?” Dean stood and walked out of the diner, as Benny went to get up the waitress came back.

“Keep your comments to yourself, you bitch.” Benny said with venom and went after Dean who he found sitting in the truck crying. He got in,

“Dean?” Benny asked softly,

“W-w-wanna l-l-leave.” He cried, “w-w-wanna l-l-leave B-B-Ben.” He said through his tears. Benny nodded and pulled out of the parking lot.

“Why are you cryin' sweetheart?”

“I-I-I a-a-already k-k-know I-I-I h-h-have a-a-a f-fucking s-s-stutter… I-I h-hate i-it.” He hiccupped, “w-w-why,” his sentence died when he wet himself and he just began full on sobbing. Benny pulled off on the side of the road.

“Dean, look at me.” Dean shook his head. “Dean, please.”

“I-I p-p-pissed m-m-myself!” He screeched, “I-I’m a-a d-d-dumb, s-s-stupid O-o-omega w-w-with a-a-a-a s-stutter.”

“No you’re not,” Benny said. He cupped Dean’s face and wiped at his tears. “No you’re not, Dean.”

“Y-y-yes I-I a-a-am.” Benny pulled him against him and laid his head against his shoulder before kissing the top of his head.

“Dean, stuff like this happens. I’m not angry at you. And stop talking about yourself like that. It isn’t true. Come on, I am going to get you somewhere where you can shower and change, okay?” Dean nodded and Benny found a nicer motel a few minutes later with rooms on the outside.

“I’m gonna get a room, okay? When we go to the room just hold your bag in front if you so no one can see and we can get you showered. This place has a lunch buffet if you’re up for eating.” Dean just nodded as Benny walked into the office and checked into a room before coming back to the car. “Come on Dean, let’s get you cleaned up.” Dean grabbed his bag and Benny grabbed his own before they walked to their room. God was on their side as no one saw and they stepped into the room which Benny saw was extremely nice. It smelled clean, and there was a single bed (which was not intentional on Benny’s part) and nice bathroom that had a tub and separate shower.

“Take a shower, I’m gonna go get a couple things to eat, okay?” Dean nodded and went into the bathroom while Benny retreated from the room. As he walked into the dining room. There was indeed a buffet and lucky enough there were to go boxes. He filled both of them with chicken fingers and french fries before grabbing a couple bottles of soda before heading back to the room. When he opened the door he spotted a very naked Dean and felt himself grow a little hard… No, he couldn’t do that so he took a few breaths and kept his eyes in front of him as he walked past Dean and set the food down on the table before going into the bathroom. 

* * *

 

Dean had flushed when Benny walked by but hadn’t said anything. The smell of Alpha arousal had hit him and it was the first time he wasn’t absolutely repulsed by it. He walked over to where Benny had set down the food and he grabbed a container and soda before sitting down on the couch in the room and eating. It was good. Very good. Better than what that bitch waitress could have brought him. He munched absently on the fries as he looked at the phone Benny had bought him… why was Benny spending money on him? He didn’t need to do that. Dean didn’t deserve it. And how was he not mad at him for pissing himself in his truck?

Regardless he was grateful. Grateful that Benny had so much patience with him. How did he manage to do that? How did Benny look at someone so broken with so much kindness and not care about everything that was obviously wrong with him? He didn’t know and he wasn’t sure if he even wanted the answer because Benny made him happy. So incredibly happy that Dean felt almost insane for trusting him so easily.

“How’s the food?” Benny asked,

“G-good,” Dean replied. Benny sat next to him and began to eat in silence. He sighed and looked at Dean.

“Why did you wet yourself?” He asked softly, Dean shook his head and just continued to eat. “I wanna know of there is anything I can do to help, so just let me know, alright? Dean nodded and they sat in silence. By the time they were finished Benny decided they would stay the night there and Dean didn’t object. But as bed time neared Dean didn’t know the sleeping arrangements.

“I’ll take the couch,” Benny offered.

“N-no, I-I c-c-can.”

“Let me do this, you’ve had it rough, sleep in the bed.” And with that Benny took the couch, Dean stripped to his underwear and crawled in bed, bringing the covers over him in the air conditioned room.

Three hours later Dean woke in terror, Benny jolted awake at the smell of scared Omega and rushed to Dean.

“Dean, hey, Dean!” Dean couldn’t move, couldn’t speak, couldn’t breathe. Benny moved him onto his lap and stroked his hair. “Listen to my voice, darling, that’s it, just listen to my voice and breathe.” Dean tried to take breaths but found himself unable as tears fell from his eyes. “Hey, just breathe Dean. Just focus on my voice and breathe. That’s it, you got this. You’re safe.” Dean focused on his breathing has best as he could and finally he was able to take deep breaths as tears still fell from his eyes.

“Shh… that’s it,” Dean sat up and hugged Benny, resting his head in the crook of the Alphas neck as he breathed his scent in. “You think you can talk about it?” Dean shook his head and he felt wet again and cursed, Benny helped him to the bathroom. “I’ll be right outside the door, okay?” Dean nodded and showered, again, before coming out of the bathroom. Benny was putting a new sheet on the bed and a new blanket, clearly having called for new ones.

“I-I-I’m s-s-sorry…” Dean whispered, Benny walked over to him.

“Nothin’ to be sorry about. Let’s get to bed, alright?” Dean nodded and laid down again, but this time he asked a question, one he wasn’t sure Benny’s answer would be now they he wasn’t withdrawing from ten years worth of medication. “C-c-can y-y-you s-s-stay w-w-wi-with m-m-m-me?” Benny nodded and got in bed next to Dean before wrapping his arms around him.

“Sleep,” Benny whispered. 

* * *

 

The days back to Benny’s flew by, and Benny had stayed with him in bed each night they stopped. And by the time they got back to the small northern Maine town Dean wanted something to eat.

“You wanna go out to dinner or you want me to make something?”

“M-m-make s-s-something,” Dean decided, Benny nodded with a smile, and as they pulled into the driveway of their home Dean no longer felt the anxiety of being away.

“Alright, let’s get dinner started,”, Dean smiled and they walked inside, where it smelled like home with every breath Dean took. Where he was always welcome. A place where Dean felt safe after the last ten years of his life had been hell… Maybe a place with a future. And Dean loved it. How much he loved the feelings of safety and comfort. He went to set his bags down in his bedroom and when he opened the door he noticed there was now a TV, new comforters and pillows. Benny had done this for him. When he turned around he saw a smile on Benny’s face.

“I thought you might like it if you had a place that you could call your own here. I got the TV and comforter and what not while you we-“ Dean just hugged him.

“T-t-thank y-y-you, B-B-Benny.”

“Not a problem.”

Benny left Dean to himself to make dinner. Dean sat down on the bed and sighed. He was home. He was with probably his best friend in the entire universe… Maybe… no. He couldn’t think those thoughts. Benny wouldn’t want him as he was. A broken shell of a man. But it didn’t matter. He was happy. As he scented the room he realized Benny had been in there quite a bit. The clothes he had worn of Benny’s were in the hamper. He took a shirt out and scented it, and it still smelled like Benny. Dean would never get enough of that smell. So he laid back in bed, looking at the ceiling, a genuine smile on his face. He was home. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoy.


	6. I Was Broken And You Made Me Better

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You made me better!” Benny screamed, “I was so broken when I lost Andrea and my pup. Then you came into my life, you came into my life and fixed me!” Benny ran a hand over his face. “I haven’t wanted anything more in my life than I have wanted you. I haven’t cared so much until I met you so don’t you dare tell me I don’t care!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to make it happen. I was originally intending slow burn but the way I have been writing their chemistry it just wasn't possible. 
> 
> This chapter is really a rollercoaster for both Dean and Benny.

Dean and Benny ate dinner. He had made bourbon glazed steak with garlic mashed potatoes and grilled asparagus. Dean loved his cooking. When Benny offered Dean wine he was hesitant.

“What?” Benny asked,

“I-I-I c-c-can’t r-r-remem-remember t-t-the l-l-last t-t-time I-I-I h-h-had a-a-a d-d-drink…”

“It’s okay if you don’t want to Dean.”

“I-I w-want t-t-to t-t-try i-it.” Benny nodded,

“Just sip on it. Don’t want you getting drunk,” Benny said. Dean listened and had another glass after as well, by the time dinner was finished he and Benny curled up on the couch and decided to watch a movie. “What do you want to watch?” Benny asked a tipsy Dean.

“L-L-Lord O-O-Of T-T-The R-R-Ri-Rings,” Dean told him. Benny nodded, as they got into the Fellowship, Benny had to reset the urge to kiss Dean. Because Dean was perfect in Benny’s eyes. Yet it was Dean who had made the first move. He had leaned in.

“What are you doing?” Dean said nothing and just continued to lean in, Benny felt like a man possessed as he met Dean half way. Their lips met in a soft kiss the both of them responded to, Dean went to deepen it but Benny pressed his hands to Dean’s shoulder. “Dean…”

“D-don’t y-y-you w-w-want-“

“Dean, you have no idea how bad I want this. But I’d be takin' advantage of you.” Dean made a face, “you’re drunk, you’re vulnerable… I can’t do that to you.” Benny said but he leaned in and kissed him again, “just know that some day I want this with you.”

“I-I-I w-w-want i-i-it n-n-now…” His bottom lip trembled,

“Dean, just leave it be, okay?” Benny said sweetly, “please Dean… not sure if I can control myself.”

“T-t-then d-d-don’t,”

“Dean… You smell so fucking amazing… Please…”

“N-no,” Dean said. “I-I-I w-w-want y-y-you…” He went to kiss Benny again but Benny finally let go of a small growl.

“Dean, that’s enough!” His Alpha voice, the one he never wanted to use on Dean came out of him and Dean jumped. Tears welled in his eyes and he ran from the living room. Benny sighed and went after him. “Dean?” He knocked lightly on the door where he heard sobbing.

“G-g-go a-a-away!” Dean screamed through the door.

“Dean, I’m sorry.”

“N-n-no y-y-you're n-n-not! S-s-same a-a-s a-a-all A-A-Alphas… M-m-mean.” 

* * *

 

 

Benny went to bed that night alone, half expecting Dean to have come to crawl in bed, but that wasn’t the case. He had messed up big. But he was seconds away from making Dean his. And Dean wouldn’t stop. The way Dean made Benny feel when they had kissed… it had taken every ounce of self control not to mate Dean on the spot. Dean had the most amazing smell. Cinnamon, warm apple pie, orange and cloves, leather, and something he couldn’t ignore anymore as the days went by. Mate. Dean smelled like mate, and he had since the night they had met. They were true mates, there was no doubt in Benny’s mind. True mates were rare, rarer than one might think. Not many mated couples are actually true mates. Just mated who’s scents matched.

True mates on the other hand… Their scents not only matched but it was so much deeper. An almost instant emotional connection and physical attraction. A physical attraction that Benny had ignored for weeks now. There was constant need for your true mate, even before you mated them. It was all consuming. Plaguing your mind day in and day out. Sure, he and Andrea were definitely mates, but not true mates, and that thought saddened him. Because it made what they had seen insignificant compared to what he and Dean barely had. And he felt as though he was now betraying his unborn pup. But he couldn’t help it. Couldn’t help that he had indeed found his true mate. How he had been exhausting his self-control with trying not to bend the man over, knot him, and make him his.

His heart skipped a beat when he heard the front door open and he rushed down and out of the house to see Dean taking off into the woods. He turned flashlight on his phone on and rushed after Dean. His heart sinking when he watched Dean fall.

“Dean!” He sprinted over, “Dean…”

“N-no! Y-y-you c-c-clearly d-d-don’t c-care a-a-about m-m-e!”

“You made me better!” Benny screamed, “I was so broken when I lost Andrea and my pup. Then you came into my life, you came into my life and fixed me!” Benny ran a hand over his face. “I haven’t wanted anything more in my life than I have wanted you. I haven’t cared so much until I met you so don’t you dare tell me I don’t care!” Benny let his frustration boil, “don’t you for one second ever believe I don’t care about you.” He picked Dean up and walked back to the house, using his memory. When they got inside he kicked the door shut and then pressed Dean against a wall and began to kiss him. Benny pressed his body against Dean’s, slotting his knee between the v of Dean’s legs as he deepened the kiss.

“Don’t you for a second think that. Don’t you for a second ever assume that… I’m so sorry I used my Alpha voice on you sweetheart. I have never wanted to use it on you… you just don’t understand what you do to me.” Benny pressed his erection. against Dean’s inner thigh, “how you make me feel.” He leaned his forehead against Dean which had drooped. “But wherever you were Dean… wherever you were… you got raped didn’t you?” Benny’s voice dropped to a whisper, and when he felt Dean’s tears he nodded. “that’s why I can’t take you in the way I want… that’s… Dean I want you so bad… I just can’t do that to you.” And it was out in the open. He was waiting on Dean’s response, but when lips pressed against his forehead he looked up at Dean.

“I-I-I w-w-want s-s-som-something w-w-with y-y-you B-B-Benny… P-p-please l-l-let m-m-me h-h-have t-t-that m-m-much…” He sobbed out, Benny nodded.

“Mon Cher, look at me. Hey, you can look at me.” Dean looked into his eyes, “I would want nothing more.” Benny told him before kissing him sweetly. “I just don’t wanna rush you into anything you’re not ready for, okay? You ever feel like things are moving too fast, even if we’re just kissing, you say the words and it stops.” Dean nodded before Benny lifted him.

“C-c-can I-I-I s-s-stay w-w-wi-with y-y-you?” Benny nodded and started moving to the stairs. “H-h-how a-a-are y-y-you s-s-so s-s-strong?” Dean asked as Benny laid him in bed.

“Alpha strength.” He answered. 

* * *

 

The next morning Dean jolted awake and sobbed quietly into his hands. He wet himself again, Benny stirred and sat up.

“What’s wrong?” Benny asked as he ran his had up and down Dean’s back. Dean just shook his head and cried.

“I-I-I w-w-wet m-m-myself a-a-again…” Dean whispered.

“It’s alright sweetheart. Hop in the shower while I change the bed, okay?” Dean nodded and walked into the bathroom before stepping into the shower and turning the water. He sat on the bench and began to wash himself. He wondered why this was happening now. Why it started when he started trusting Benny. He wished he had answers because it was the most embarrassing thing ever. Even more than his stutter. But Benny continued to support him. Never getting angry over these things… were they together now? Had it all been a dream? But when there was a soft knock at the door followed by the smell of happy Alpha he knew then that it wasn’t a dream.

“I put your clothes on the bed,” he said before walking away. Dean scrubbed at his body before stepping out of the shower. He toweled himself off before wrapping the towel around his waist and walking out to the bedroom where he saw Benny clad in nothing but a pair of boxer briefs. Dean grabbed his underwear and slipped them on underneath the towel before letting it fall to the floor. He pulled his jeans on and a short sleeved band-T over his head. He grabbed the tooth brush and walked into the bathroom to brush his teeth when Benny came in, still shirtless.

“Good morning,” Benny kissed the side of his head and Dean smiled around the tooth brush. Benny followed suit by brushing his teeth, then trimming his beard. Dean looked at his own face and frowned he couldn’t grow hair on his face. He never could. Maybe it had to do with the fact he was an Omega but he wasn’t sure. He didn’t dwell on it, by no means was his face feminine which he was okay with. Dean spit into the sink and rinsed his mouth out before turning and heading to the bedroom. He pulled socks on and then his shoes.

“I gotta go to work,” Benny said. Dean shook his head,

“N-n-no…” He whispered, “d-d-don’t l-leave m-m-me a-al-alone.” 

“I gotta, I’m only working breakfast and lunch today. I’ll be back.” Dean sighed but nodded, hating the fact he was going to be alone. Dean followed him to the door. “If it makes you feel safer you can lock the doors while I’m gone.” Dean nodded and Benny kissed him sweetly. “See you in a couple hours.” Dean shut the door and locked it before going to the TV room. He was learning thing pretty quickly how to use newer things. TV remotes were basically the same save the fact that this one had buttons that he had no idea what they did. 

He turned on the news. He had found out he wanted to know what was going on in the world. When the name Jackman Maine came up he stilled. 

“Another body was found in the woods by trackers in Jackman Maine this morning. The same thing with this body as the four others found was the brand on the right bicep. All four victims showed signs of sexual abuse and malnourishment, and the brand marks were several years old. The body was identified as 20 year old Kevin Tran, who had went missing four years ago while on vacation to the small town with his mother. She was contacted earlier today making a statement saying, “this is unacceptable. My heart has been broken. And to the other family’s who have lost children to whoever this psychopath is, I am sorry. I lost my life when I found out about my son. He was my everything. I will not rest until we all get justice.” Cause of death was reported by Coroners office was blood loss as his eyes were gouged out and jugular cut.” Dean swallowed the lump in his throat as he saw it. He had known Kevin. He had tried to help the kid as much as he could… Victor was getting sloppy. He was dumping bodies and people were finding them. Dean felt sick looking at the TV. He… He needed to tell Benny. He needed to tell someone. But he was terrified.

“Sheriff Jody Mills said that they will not tolerate this any longer. “The FBI has been contacted. We believe this is part of a sex trade because of the sexual trauma and branding.” This news has many people in the small community in fear about a serial killer. “Anyone, with any information, please seek me out. Whoever is responsible for these kidnappings and murders needs to be dealt with.” Jody Mills is organizing a town meeting tonight.” Dean began to sob with his eyes glued to the screen.

Victor wasn’t being sloppy. He was sending an invitation. One meant for Dean. Trying to draw him out. Benny was going to find out if he hadn’t already. He expected Benny to rush home any minute after this. Because in a community of 862 people, news like this spreads like wild fire. Dean remembered a few things about where Victor was. It was a mansion… he knew that much. One with a wing dedicated to sex. A place with dirty beds but suites so immaculate you’d never guess the atrocities preformed behind closed doors. There was the room… that’s what Dean had dubbed it. It’s where you were sent if you didn’t comply. It was a place of torture. Where you were whipped, beaten bloody, cut, burned… mutilated. Fingers broken to the point they head bent backwards. Knives jammed so far into you that your body would shut done from pain. Then they’d give you a reprieve with either heroin or Dilaudid, a room where if you screamed it made it all worse. Alastair, Victor’s head torturer… he took pride in it.

Dean had been in there with another omega… her name was Cassie… He watched Alastair skin her alive, he could still hear her screams, her please for help as the man fillet her alive. He still remembered the most fucked up thing… son of bitch would lap at her blood like it was the sweetest nectar. The room was where Dean was pretty sure he had lost the ability to have pups. The place where he had been whipped and beaten. The place where he had been cut and burned, tied to something and raped until he bled, knots ripped out of him. Where he had watched Alastair rip a chunk out of someone neck with his teeth and chew on it before spitting it down their throat. If you survived the room, you were lucky. Because most people never did survive, and the ones who were unlucky enough were never the same. They would go silent, and comply to everything.

Dean was good at fucking and sucking knot and that’s what had saved his life each time he was sent to the room. He was their best Omega. He was treated with equal ferocity and malice as everyone else, but he made the most money for them. Because he was a male Omega. And that meant rare. That meant prized. That meant more money coming in. He was Victor’s favorite for a reason. Because at the end if the day, it came down to survival, and Victor new that, he exploited that, and he profited from it. Profited from Dean’s fear of dying. He hoped that in time he would have the courage to step forward, especially with it being a federal investigation.

Yet he would never find that course. Victor knew he would come forward and people would be sent after him. He knew the type of person Victor was. He knew that if he would be entitled to that one phone call Dean would be a dead man. He couldn’t do that. Not after finding Benny. But it became apparent that more people would die because of him. More people would be hurt if he didn’t come forward… but how? How do you talk about all that with a stutter? Would anyone believe him? Yes… they have to. Because he has the brand. Dean was torn. He was scared for his life now because Victor was calling him out. Daring him to come forward. But people were still suffering. People were dying and he could change that. But he couldn’t… he felt anger boil inside him for being such a coward. Such a fucking coward. 

* * *

 

When Benny had gotten over the initial shock of what he had heard from Lisa he told her he needed to go check on Dean, and she didn’t hesitate to let him. He rushed home as fast as he could, making it there in eight minutes before jumping out if the car and running up to the house. He fumbled for his keys before groaning and kicking the door open.

“Dean?!” He screamed, “sweetheart, where are you?!” he ran up the stairs and found Dean in fetal position, sobs rocking his body. “Dean…”

“H-h-h-he’s k-k-killings t-t-them b-b-be-be-because o-of m-m-me.”

“Who’s he Dean?” Benny asked softly as he sat next to Dean. Dean shook his head.

“C-c-can’t t-t-tell y-y-you… H-h-he’s k-k-killing t-them b-b-be-be-because I-I-I e-e-escaped… T-t-trying t-t-to d-d-draw m-m-me o-o-out.” Dean cried,

“Sh… sweetheart…” Benny crawled in bed and pulled Dean onto his lap, running his hand up and down Dean’s arm as he cried.

“I-I’m n-n-not r-re-ready t-t-to c-c-come f-f-for-forward… P-p-please d-d-don’t m-m-make m-m-me…”

“Dean, I’m not gonna make you do anything you don’t wanna do… But you need to get help sweetheart. You need to get better so you can help the people he’s hurting.”

“’M n-n-not r-re-ready t-t-to.” He whispered, “n-n-not r-ready, n-n-not r-ready…” Benny nodded and stayed calm for Dean’s sake. The second he found who had hurt Dean so bad he was going to kill them. He knew he would. No one hurt his Dean. No one. If they did or even tried to ever again he would see to it that they never take another breath. Benny swore that to himself. And as Dean finally calmed down he looked at Benny with pleasing eyes. Asking him silently not to tell anyone until he was ready.

“My lips are sealed until you feel safe enough Dean… but please, for the love of God, think about getting help. Even if we have to drive down to Portland and stay over night for appointments… please.” Benny begged him. 

* * *

 

Dean had managed to calm himself enough to eat a quiet lunch with Benny. Benny repaired the door as well before he had made grilled cheese with tomato soup, something simple. Something Dean could keep down at the moment. Because he was terrified of what he had seen. What getting help would mean. It would mean he would have to face it all and keep himself strong. And he was tired of being strong. But he was also tired of being weak. Where the fuck was the grey area that many people say existed because he sure as hell wasn’t seeing it. How the hell do you find middle ground when you are sick and tired of being weak and vulnerable but also tired of being strong? How do you find middle ground when you are terrified to get help people because you think it will cost you your own life? The simple answer he had come to was that you don’t. You can’t find middle ground when it doesn’t exist. But he needed to get help. Benny was right about that. He couldn’t live his life wetting himself and being in constant emotional pain no matter how much Benny made him feel safe. Constantly having nightmares and flashbacks. He just couldn’t live like that.

But the prospect of getting help was terrifying. Because it meant every single bit of emotion he had been suppressing would be coming to the surface. Every single feeling, every painful memory, every ounce of pain would be brought up… but sometimes, to get better, you get more sick. But was he willing? Was he absolutely willing to do this? He didn’t know.

* * *

 

The next day Benny was done with his coworker.

“Pam, get off your phone and get back to work!” Benny hollered,

“Right on it!” She yelled back before turning to the stove and quickly putting the finishing touches on the blue cheese stuffed burger for table six.

“Need you to watch this,” Benny said as he moved around her in the kitchen to go get the mozzarella sticks out of the deep fryer and plated the burger with them. He rang the bell, “stuffed cow, for table number six!” The waitress, a young beta named Amelia took it to the table and Benny sighed.

“Soup is ready!” Benny hurried over and poured the minestrone into a bowl before ringing the bell yet again.

“One day we’re short staffed is the day we end up catering a party…” Benny grumbled.

“That was the last order, you guys are free to go.” Lisa said walking into the kitchen. Benny nodded and grabbed the burger he had made for Dean. “For Dean?”

“Yeah…” Benny flushed,

“It’s okay… I’m glad you’re happy again, Benny.” Lisa said, “alright, get going, I’m closing early today, Ben is sick.” She said, Benny nodded and headed out. Pam was by his side.

“So… Who’s Dean?”

“Nonya,” Benny replied and she laughed.

“I get it… Holy shit…” She said quietly, he followed her line if site to see a woman fall into the road, brandishing a brand similar to Dean’s. They both rushed to her, Pam already on the phone with 911. Benny knelt beside her,

“Ma’am?” He saw the gunshot wounds and closed his eyes. “Hang in there…” She coughed and blood was forced from her mouth. “Pam!” She ran over and out the phone on speaker,

“She has gunshot wounds!” Pam screamed into the phone, sirens blared and Jody Mills rushed over along with an ambulance. By the time they got to her she was dead. The brand mark made Jody steel her eyes shut.

“Both of you get home…”

“Actually, I would like to ask them a few questions.” A man said brandishing a badge that read Castiel Novak. A man stood next to him and held an ID that read Fergus Crowley. They were FBI.

“We just need to ask a few questions and then you can be on your way, I promise.” Fergus said, “and please, call me Crowley.” Benny nodded, “we are going head over to the station as this is now an active crime scene.” Benny nodded and shot a text to Dean telling him what had happened. As he and Pam followed them to the station Benny noticed the blood on his clothes and felt sick. This was bad. This was very bad.

“Thank you for meeting with me,” Castiel said. Crowley was speaking with Pam. “Now…”

“Benny, Benny Lafitte.”

“Mr. Lafitte… did you happen to hear any gunshots or notice anything abnormal before finding her?” Benny nodded, he and Pam had both been tipped off to the smell of death as they left the restaurant and black car that seemed to have disappeared when she stumbled onto the road.

“No gunshots… The smell of death, before her, and a black car that drove away when she stumbled out onto the road.” Castiel nodded,

“What do you mean by the scent of death?” Benny looked down.

“It… It’s not like when a loved one dies… That earthy smell…” Castiel nodded, “it was pungent, strong, and… I’ve smelled it before.” The FBI agent raised an eyebrow,

“You have?” Benny nodded,

“A man named Victor… Never caught his last name, but I’m telling you he smells like death. It’s scared away costumers.” Castiel nodded,

“Thank you for your time Mr. Lafitte.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope you guys enjoy this chapter. I really hope you also don't hate me if you feel like I rushed things but the way this story is going it is absolutely needed now. Dean needs help, and being with Benny is going to push him. I promise. Just bear with me.


	7. Update!!!

I started experiencing some post-operative pain that I shouldn't have been feeling. Long story short is that I am not allowed to use my wrist for 2 days until I get another hard cast on so until then this fic is going to be on Hiatus. Come Monday afternoon I will have another chapter of I just need to finish editing it which I cannot do right now. So I'm very sorry that this is happening I feel like I'm letting you guys down. 


	8. Fighting For Your Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “There you are, hiding in the closet.” When the door to the closet open Dean went from scared to animal backed into a corner and went right for his legs. When he heard the thud of a body he rushed out of the room. Something hit him hard and he stumbled before rolling down the stairs and hitting his head which he felt crack. Screaming in pain he watched Alistair walking down the stairs, lazily twirling a straight razor in his hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's up bitches?!?! Sorry for channeling my inner Charlie, but I am back! Sorry it took so long, the casting room was full yesterday (long story short I had to have my other cast cut off) but I am back! 
> 
> There is a little fluff at the end of this chapter where it was very needed seeing how much of a roller coaster this was... I really need to give these boys a break, huh?

Dean had been researching trauma therapists for the last few days but all of them were hours away… except one. Bela Talbot. She worked in Jackman and her degrees were astounding, but why would she choose such a backwater town when her skills could make her rich? She had a degree in therapy and trauma therapy along with hypno therapy and guided meditation. Dean saved the number to his phone, deciding to talk to Benny.

Yet Benny was still at the police station getting questioned. That was rubbing Dean the very wrong way. Victor, again, was trying to lure Dean out. This time being more bold. From what Benny had said this woman was still alive when she stumbled out onto the road. He heard a car pull up and he looked out the window to see an unfamiliar black car and his pulse quickened. He rushed up the stairs and into the bedroom where he closed and locked the door before running to the closet and hiding. He felt dumb, his 6’1” frame barely fit but he pulled clothes down onto him as he sunk to the floor while tears silently fell. He heard knocking at the front door but he stayed put. He reached for his cellphone and texted Benny one word“Help,” before he muted the phone and turned off the vibration. The knocking at the door became more aggressive followed by an agitated shout he could hear clear as day. When the knocking turned into bangs he wet himself and began to cry quietly. Victor found him. That's who it had to be. He checked his phone and Benny still hadn’t responded he was sure he was going to die. It must be Victor. That's when he heard the door get kicked in and he stilled. He finally dialed 911 and when dispatch came over the phone he began to whisper.

“S-s-some-o-one i-i-is i-i-in m-m-my h-h-house.”

“Sir, stay calm. Where is your address?”

“F-f-f-fifteen M-m-mary-g-g-gold d-d-drive.”

“Just stay on the line and I will be silent, turn the volume down on your phone so they can’t hear you.” Dean nodded and did so and then he heard the voice. That damned voice that made his nerves scream from phantom pain.

“Oh 38, I know you’re here,” Alastair… No. No. No, no, no, no. “Would you rather me call you what Benny calls you? Dean, Dean, Dean,” he tsked loudly as heavy footfalls sounded from the stair well and Dean felt sick as the stench of death hit him. How does he know about Benny? Had he told Victor? “No one is gonna save you now… Come out and play, 38.” Dean shivered at the sound of his voice. A man who permanently smelled of blood and death. Who spoke with a lisp that gave his voice an extra edge of malice the man didn’t really need. He was a skinny twig of a Beta but he could hurt you in just the right ways… Was Benny okay?! He had known about Benny. Was Benny actually getting questioned or was that Alastair? Dean growled slightly and he heard a chuckle.

“Not many more rooms up here, Dean… Someone smells angry. Afraid I hurt your precious Benny? I really wanted to, but Victor wants him alive. Makes good soup he said… Oh well. He just gets to come home to your lifeless body.” Dean lost it and began to sob. “There he is,” the door to the bedroom started to shake and Dean cried louder. This was it. This was where he died. He knew it just by the sound of breathing from the other side of the door. He heard the lock jiggle and Dean gulped. When he heard the door creak open he stilled. Stilled completely, breathing and all.

“There you are, hiding in the closet.” When the door to the closet open Dean went from scared to animal backed into a corner and went right for his legs. When he heard the thud of a body he rushed out of the room. Something hit him hard and he stumbled before rolling down the stairs and hitting his head which he felt crack. Screaming in pain he watched Alistair walking down the stairs, lazily twirling a straight razor in his hands.

“Killing one of our best guards… escaping… you wrote your death sentence, 38.” Dean stood and ran as fast as he could and foot steps picked up, next thing he knew he felt burning pain on his back and he hissed. Alastair lunged at him and Dean moved out of the way before running to the kitchen and grabbing a knife before turning to face him.

“I thought you would have learned some discipline… I guess I was wrong. Poor baby wet himself… let me take the embarrassment away,” Alastair rushed at him and swiped and Dean brought his arm up before ramming the kitchen knife into him before twisting it.

“H-h-how d-d-do y-y-you l-l-like i-i-it!” Dean screamed before tackling him to the floor before he began to land punch after punch. Every ounce of pain the motherfucker had brought him. Every single time he had cut, burned, beaten and mutilated Dean came to the surface. When hands were on his shoulders and people were pulling him away he broke down and sobbed loudly. He saw Alastair, face bruised and bloody, blood pouring from the knife wound. Dean looked down at his knuckles which were covered in blood.

“Sir, you’re safe.” Dean shook his head,

“B-B-Benny!” He screamed and he did over and over until he smelled the Alpha in the house.

“Dean!” Benny ran to him as EMTs scrambled to save Alastair. One came over to Dean.

“We need to get those wounds stitched.” Dean shook his head.

“N-n-no…”

“Sir-“

“He said no!” Benny screamed, Benny felt anger boil in him as he saw the man who had tried to kill Dean.

“Benny Lafitte, cool it!” Jody screamed, “if you can’t stay calm we’re going to escort me out, you understand me?” Benny nodded and focused on Dean who’s head was swimming.

Hair was matted with blood, blood dripped from two large wounds. One very deep one on his arm and another deep one on his back. Dean’s eyes began to droop and Benny panicked.

“No, Dean don’t fall asleep, don’t you dare fall asleep on me.”

“We need life flight to Jackman.” Jody said into her radio, “victim has severe head injury and deep lacerations to arm and back. Victim is loosing consciousness.”

“Jody, call coroner’s office, guy passed away.” 

* * *

 

When Dean awoke he was no longer at home. He heard the steady sound of a heart monitor, he felt electrodes on his chest. His head hurt very bad. His back and arm hurt as well. He tried to get his eyes to focus but ended up with such a bad headache he almost puked. Where was he?

“Hey,” the deep southern voice drawled and Dean felt safe. “You’re safe sweetheart.” He pet Dean’s hair. “You’re okay,”

“I-I-Is h-h-he d-d-d-dead?” Dean whispered,

“He is… They saw the brand on your arm when they were transporting you.” Benny whispered and Dean shook his head.

“And that’s why I am here.” An accented voice said, “my name is Bela Talbot, they found my name in your phone… I’m here to make sure you don’t answer any questions about that brand or who that man was to you until you are mentally able. Are you okay if I ask you a few a questions? Benny can stay in here for support. I just need to do a preliminary round of questions before the hard stuff.” Benny scooted his chair next to the bed and grasped Dean’s hand.

“O-o-okay…” Dean said,

“Was my number in your phone because you thinking about calling me?” Dean nodded, “trauma therapy I am assuming.” Dean nodded again, “the way you defended yourself against that man, you knew him?” Tears fell from Dean’s eyes as he nodded once more. “okay… time for the harder questions. Have you always had a stutter?”

“N-no,”

“Are you physically and mentally able to make a statement?” Dean shook his head. “That brand on your arm… did you escape from where ever those bodies are from?” Dean nodded again and began to cry, “are you able to identify names, smells, faces, or anything else at this time?” He shook his head and grasped Benny’s hand like it was a lifeline. “I need to ask a few deeply personal questions… if Benny knows about them, he can answer if you don’t want.”

“I-I-I w-w-want t-t-to.” She nodded,

“Have you ever been raped?” He nodded, “beaten, burned, mutilated, seen death where you were?” Dean nodded to all. “Have you ever been tortured?” She asked, eyeing the scar on his chest. Dean nodded,

“T-t-that m-m-man… I-I-I'm p-p-pretty s-s-sure I-I c-c-can’t h-h-have p-p-pups b-b-because o-of h-h-him.” She nodded and wrote down Dean’s answers.

“It says Missouri treated you from withdrawal symptoms of Benzodiazepines and OMGHE1 for two weeks… They drugged you as well?” He nodded, “memory loss?” he nodded again, “sexual problems?” he didn’t know and he made it known that the question made him uncomfortable. “Bed Wetting, flashbacks, trust issues?” Dean nodded. “Do you pee yourself when you get anxious or scared?” He nodded, “night terrors?” He nodded, “do you ever experience upon waking from them you can’t move, breathe, talk, scream?” He nodded and she stood.

“Most people would have shattered answering those questions… Dean, can I call you Dean?” He nodded, “when you start to recover from this, I would like to take you on as my client. I really need you to consider this Dean… The silence of what happened is going to kill you. It’s going to get others killed. But you have to want to do this. And my number being in your phone was a step in the right direction. How about… I’ll see you Monday. Benny can sit in on our appointments so he can help you. If you need, while you’re in the hospital, don’t hesitate to call me.”

And with that she left, out of the hospital and into her car where she took off the over coat that covered the one thing she was ashamed of. The one thing that made her instantly want to help Dean. How she knew who had tried to kill Dean without him saying a name. Because on her right bicep was brand that read #18. 

* * *

 

Dean was sleeping through the pain. He didn’t want more narcotics. He didn’t want more drugs ever. Not after everything. Not after the memory loss especially where he hadn’t even recognized Bobby. Where he barely recognized Ellen. But they insisted he was going to need them, especially for the headaches from having a fractured skull. Okay, not sleeping through the pain. Feigning sleep so he didn’t have to deal with questions from reporters, questions from hospital staff about his blood type, what he was allergic to. Because first of all, he already had a headache. Second of all he couldn’t remember. Finally Benny called Sam to have them talk to him. He would know that stuff. Turned out, Dean was O-positive, he was allergic to penicillin and sulfa based medication. Had a severe allergy to crab, and had a history of asthma.

“Dean… Need you to talk to someone if you can.” Dean took the phone and grumbled a hello.

“What do you need? I already asked Benny now what do you need darlin’?” Missouri, Dean told her he wanted comfortable clothes, that he needed his laptop and a few other things. “Listen, I’m stopping on the way down and I’m getting you some good food. You’ve been through the wringer.” Dean smiled,

“T-t-thank y-y-you,”

“No problem, now let me talk to Benny.”

“Yes?”

“Better watch out for that boy, you understand me? You damn well better watch out for him unless you wanna deal with me.”

“I planned on it.”

“Benny Lafitte, glad to hear happiness in your voice again. Now get off the phone, Dean needs you!” Once again he wondered if she was psychic as he looked over to see Dean trying to press the nurse call button with much difficulty. He hung up and pressed the button for Dean as he watched his sweet Omega’s face contort in pain.

“Nurse!” Benny screamed, a nurse came in and took something out of her pocket and attached it to the IV tubing.

“This is Dilaudid, he’s gonna be pretty high in a couple seconds. Can I speak to you in the hallway?” Benny nodded and followed her out much to Dean’s protest. “We’re concerned their may be some bleeding in his brain. We would like to keep him an extra three days just to monitor him. He’s in good hands, I promise you.” Benny nodded and went back into the room where Dean was fast asleep. 

* * *

 

Three days passed quickly in a haze of headaches, near passing out, and strong narcotics. But when the day Dean was finally being released came he was just anxious to be home. The bed was uncomfortable, they wouldn’t even let him wear his own pajamas, and he had been passing himself left and right Every time he woke up from a nightmare. And just simply the heavy narcotics in his system. Benny had disappeared for a little while, saying he was going to get lunch and Dean had nodded, saying that he was going to try and get some sleep. Which he hadn’t been able to do with the headache. He requested if the nurse could get him something for the headache and had ended up giving him Valium. He was now high as a kite, barely able to move and just thinking about what it was going to mean seeking help.

He felt an instant connection with Bela. How she had an air of sadness about her when she had asked him the questions. How everything was respectful but professional and didn’t dredge up anything. How she had managed to get out of him his concern about not having pups. She.. she was something else. And he needed it. Because she was right. He didn’t feel suicidal but he was pretty damn close. Close to feeling like it was his only option. Alastair had found him… that meant Victor knew where he was. That meant Victor could easily come after him. But why hadn’t he? What was he attempting to do? Why, instead of just coming after Dean, was he sending messages in the form of bodies? Why instead of coming after Dean did he send Alastair. Why? Dean wanted to know more than anything. He felt like he was going slowly insane with the question hanging over his head.

No… he knew why. Because Victor was smart. He was sadistic. And he knew with enough of the right pressure Dean would crack like an egg. Dean would break and he would do something that would get himself killed. Killed by Victor’s hand and that is the way Victor wanted it. He wanted Dean to come forward and make a public announcement. He wanted Dean to jeopardize his own safety. Alastair was just a ploy. A ploy for Dean to do something, like turn himself over so he didn’t have to die. Because, one thing Victor did know, no matter how much Dean would consider ending it, was Dean’s biggest fear. It was to die. Alastair was apparently disposable enough that he had sent him as nothing more as a message. One that Dean read loud and clear. The message was that he knew where Dean was. He was crying now, a nurse asked him what was wrong and he just sobbed more.

“Sha, you’re alright sweetheart.” Benny whispered in his ear before kissing him softly. “Are you ready to go home?”

“T-t-they k-k-know w-w-where I-I-I l-l-live…” Dean sobbed, “h-h-he k-k-knows…”

“Who is he, Dean?” He wouldn’t say it. He couldn’t say it out loud. Thinking his name was already enough. But if he had to say it he’d break completely. Benny smelled fear, panic, distress, all pouring off of Dean. And he wanted someone to hurt. Someone to kill. Who was this man who did this to Dean? Who had hurt him so bad? It was an old question by this point. But Dean was terrified. Terrified because of the man who had attempted to kill him. How Dean had confided in him that this man’s name was Alastair.

“Was Alastair sent after you?” Benny asked softly,

“Y-y-yes.” Dean whispered and Benny nodded.

“I will protect you, even if I die doing it, okay? No one, I mean no one, is ever gonna hurt you again, cher.” Dean just shook his head and fell silent.

Dean trusted Benny, he really did but Victor would kill Benny without hesitation if it meant he could get to Dean. To Victor, Dean was property. Not a human being. Just property that he thought he owned. Because he had put his mark on Dean. The brand meant that you were owned. And Victor had ways of showing it. Whether he beat you, raped you, or just tore you down and rebuilt you. He made it known that you were his and no one else’s. The fact that he probably knew exactly who Benny was to him… Benny was in more danger than Dean at this point. And Dean knew if Victor got his hands on Benny he would die. Regardless if Victor liked him or not Benny would die and Dean would lose someone. He had so much loss already. And he might be able to handle it if it were anyone else. But if he lost Benny? Victor wouldn’t get the satisfaction of killing Dean. Dean would already have killed himself. 

* * *

 

Dean was wheeled out of the hospital and brought to a car he didn’t recognize. Benny got out and helped Dean in before they set off.

“I got this the second day you were here. I thought that the old truck would hurt ya… so I got something newer.” Dean smiled softly at him before turning his gaze out the window. Four hours to go. Four hours and he could be home trying to stitch back together his life which yet again, had fallen apart. It didn’t bother him that he had almost been murdered there. Because he got the final word. He got to kill someone he had dreamed of killing. If anyone heard him say that out loud he may have been committed. But it was true. The second he had held that knife in his hands he felt enough confidence to fight back. When he beat Alastair (to death he had figured out from Benny) he felt so many emotions leave him… not leave him, get brought to the surface. It was almost cathartic having that feeling. That small sense of control he really hadn’t known he needed. When he was in charge of who lived and died in that moment. It healed him just a little. Because it meant he wasn’t weak. Wasn’t a coward. He had fought back.

“You okay?” Benny asked, Dean didn’t respond. He just kept his eyes out the window. He wasn’t scared to go back. He wasn’t. He couldn’t be. He finally had a life, though not much worth living, it was there. He finally had a home. And he had… he had a boyfriend. One who was there for him however he needed. One who didn’t get angry at Dean for messing up. Who always took Dean with a patient hand and let him cry. Dean hadn’t known how much he had needed that until now. Hadn’t known how much he needed Benny until after all this. Benny, the man who smelled like pecan pie, spiced rum, and pine needles. One who smelled like mate. Dean was sure of it now. Dean was Benny’s and Benny was his. The way he felt home when he was near him. The way Benny was able to make his heart swell with just a single smile. The way that Alpha didn’t make him scared, but instead but his body into overdrive with the need to be mated. The way his anxiety returned when Benny had to work, how it always went away when Benny was home. The way soft touches and small kisses made Dean fell whole. Not broken. Not bruised and battered.

Benny was a walking fairytale and Dean was glad he was along for the ride. Glad he had fallen into the road that night. If he hadn’t he’d probably be dead instead of meeting the very best thing that could have ever happened to him. So he spoke up, making a promise to Benny.

“I-I-I’m g-g-gonna s-s-start s-s-seeing B-B-Bela.” Benny smiled a very bright and proud smile before putting his arm around Dean’s shoulder.

“I am so unbelievably proud of you,” Benny said and Dean smiled.

“I-I-I a-am g-g-gonna n-n-need y-y-yo-your h-h-help… G-gonna n-n-need i-i-it B-B-Bear.”

“Of course sweetheart.” The silence in the car was welcomed. Classic rock played through the speakers and it made Dean smile. Benny… Benny was a godsend when he needed it most. He was everything and everything to Dean. His rock. The one person Dean knew he could count on no matter what. Classic rock made Dean feel happy. But combine that with the smell of happy Alpha. Happy mate, it made for a very pleasant and long car ride. Dean felt happy for just a moment. Just a small moment. Maybe it was the Valium, or maybe it was the smell contentment and happiness. He was getting help. He… he was going to take credit when it was due because he deserved it. Deserved some happiness in the clusterfuck that is his life. Where he was allowed one moment with his Benny to be happy. To be okay.

“Missouri cleaned up the house,” Benny said. “She had her husband fix the door. Sam and Jess are coming up to visit in a week with Johnny.” Dean smiled, “you’re awfully happy, dumplin'.” Benny said taking his eyes off the road.

“I-i-it’s t-t-the d-d-drugs.” Dean responded, there was no reason to lie but he wanted to be selfish with his happiness. He’d rather have the car smell like happy Omega than doom and gloom. But Benny wasn’t dumb. Dean was happy for more than being on drugs. It was stronger than just the euphoria you get while being on benzos or narcotics. It was genuine happiness and it was infectious.

“It’s great to see that smile, Mon Cher,” Benny said. But as the hours drew by and they neared home Dean felt sick to his stomach. Alastair was just the beginning. Just the beginning of the torment that was to come. If it had been Victor or Azazel… Dean wouldn’t be alive. Because they were Alphas. They were stronger than he was, and they knew how to play fear better than even Alastair. Knew how to make you scream without even touching you.

Dean tried to think of anything that would stop Victor from coming after him directly. What had stopped Victor. He wouldn’t expose himself. He was too smart for that. But if he was going to these lengths to get to Dean… what was his end game? What exactly was stopping him. 

* * *

 

“I’m glad you called me Dean,” she said handing him a cup of coffee. “I want to start right in on things… and it’s easier to deal with recent events first… how are you dealing with what happened last week?” Bela asked, and Dean didn’t really know how to answer that question. He really didn’t. Because… in all honesty he felt safe. He defended himself, he had fought back instead of letting himself die. So he told her honestly.

“I-I-I f-f-feel g-g-good… I-I-I f-f-fought b-b-back.” He said with a small smile, she nodded and wrote in her notebook.

“And how did fighting back make you feel?”

“A-a-a-awesome,” she nodded again.

“Was it a sense of control you felt when you fought back? Power maybe?”

“B-b-both,” she nodded. The session lasted an hour before she finally turned a serious eye on him.

“I want you to know something about trauma therapy. It will dredge everything up. One problem at a time, and you will relive it in the moment but then you learn how to cope with it. I want you to try something for me when you go home.” He nodded, “look at five objects around the room. Take a five second inhale and exhale for each when you feel a panic attack coming on. Do you think you can do that?”

“I’ll help him practice,” Benny said.

“It does help to practice,” she agreed. “Do you think you can do that Dean?” He nodded,

“Next week… we are going to work backwards, okay? We are jumping right into things because you need to start healing Dean.” 

* * *

 

They arrived at home and Dean felt exhausted, he could barely stand by himself. Sitting on the couch seemed the best idea he had ever had as he sunk into the leather cushions and closed his eyes.

“You okay?” Benny asked, Dean nodded slightly.

“J-j-just t-t-tired,” he responds before closing his eyes again. Benny sits next to him.

“You’re adorable,” Benny said as he looked at Dean.

“N-n-not a-a-adorable. I-I-I'm h-h-handsome.” Dean sits up and looks at Benny.

“Whatever you need to tell yourself,” Benny says before leaning in. “You so beautiful,” he whispers cupping Dean’s cheek before leaning in and placing a kiss on his lips causing Dean’s eyes to flicker shut as he responded. He moved closer, scooting onto Benny’s lap and wrapping his arms around his neck before deepening the kiss. Benny gasped as Dean ground his hips down.

“Dean…” Benny whispered,

“I-I-I…”

“It’s okay if you’re not ready, hon.” He kissed Dean again, “I’ll wait, even if it takes years, I’ll wait.” Dean smiled,

“I-I-I d-d-do w-want t-this…” He said apprehensively.

“Not now. I promise, I just want you to get better. You almost died, baby.” Benny ran his hands up and down Dean’s back, looking into his eyes. Dean nodded, but kissed him again.

“Y-y-you’re n-n-not l-l-like o-o-other A-A-Alphas.” Dean said softly before moving off Benny.

“You wanna watch a movie?” Benny asked, Dean nodded and they settled on Cinderella, which Dean hadn’t seen since he was a child. It was nice, just being with someone he cared so much about. Someone who returned those feelings. Every time Benny looked at him there was nothing but adoration in his eyes. Every small touch and kiss made Dean light headed. Every single time Benny said his name was like listening to the most beautiful music he had ever heard. This man, sitting beside him, was all his. Heart, mind, body, and soul, all belonged to Dean. All of it was his, forever. And he could get used to that. Get used to knowing that there was a constant in his life. Something he knew would always be there. Someone he know would always be there. Someone who had the patience of a saint, who didn’t want to rush him into something he wasn’t ready for… but he was. He wasn’t scared of sex. Not with Benny. Never with Benny. Because Benny wouldn’t toss him aside like he was garbage. Benny wouldn’t rape him. Wouldn’t beat him if he didn’t want to do something that he was comfortable with.

Benny was it. His rock. His constant in the perilous world they lived. A man he now knew he could trust. A man who cared so much about him that he let him stay in his home. A man who always said it was okay for Dean to be himself. A man who had bought a brand new car because he was concerned the old one would hurt Dean. Benny never got mad when Dean wet himself. When he cried or screamed because he couldn’t get something right. He always approached it with a patient hand and let Dean do what he needed to do without a single ounce of frustration in his beautiful blue eyes.

He was Dean’s Prince charming. He had rescued Dean when he needed it most. Was Dean’s friend when he needed one in the worst of ways. And soon? Soon they would be mates. They would share a life together. Through all the heartache the world may put them through. All the pain, sadness, and grief it could throw at then, they would always have each other, until the very end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope this was worth the four days suspense.


	9. Make You Feel My Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When the rain is blowing in your face
> 
> And the whole world is on your case
> 
> I could offer you a warm embrace
> 
> To make you feel my love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, a few things about this chapter. 
> 
> MAJOR TRIGGER WARNINGS: there are graphic depictions of torture, rape, violence and a maryiad of narcotics and other drugs thrown into the mix represented in flashbacks. 
> 
> Flashbacks are not fun. The way I have written them for Dean is how I have experienced them myself (I have severe PTSD ) 
> 
> And the coping mechanisms and the way Bela handles Dean during them is how I have learned to cope during my experience with trauma therapy. Though I have tried to write the flashbacks as best I coild, there really isn't any one way you can put it into words, especially in my experience. So I tried. 
> 
> Moose Point Tavern is a real restaurant in Jackman (though it is no longer running) that was owned by my Grandfather in the seventies through the early eighties (I believe, I am not completely clear on how long it was open.) 
> 
> Lastly, I don't know if you have been waiting for it, but I have been waiting to write it, some small sexy time between Dean and Benny. 
> 
> (I really sturggled with this chapter, that's why it has taken so long to get out. This chapter is titled after the name sake for this story. It fits, trust me.)

_“38… Pretty thing you are,” he said before tying Dean to the wall. “What to do with a disobedient Omega… do I cut here?” He asked as drug the knife across Deans chest. “No… he didn’t scream…” He took out a straight razor and Dean swallowed. “Mmm… Now, 38,” that nasally voice made Dean's ears practically bleed. “What are we gonna do with you?” He pulled the straight razor down, very slowly, peeling off a large piece of flesh and skin from Dean’s chest._

_“Stop!” He chuckled,_

_“If you insist…” He set down the straight razor and went for something else Dean had never seen nor did he think he’d ever want to. It was something right out of a horror movie. Metal and leather, rusted to hell. “Only with the razor… You bit a client’s knot. We can’t have you too unruly can we?” He strapped the device around Dean’s groin, where pointed ends rested just blew his naval. “Wanna see what happens to bad Omega’s?” Dean shook his head. “What’s that?”_

_“Please… no… I'll do better…” He pressed a button on the side of the contraption and the points sprang forward, burying into Dean causing him to scream in agony. “Stop!” He felt blood gush out of his cervix and leak out of him. “Stop…” Alastair picked up a knife and twirled it in his hand before stabbing it to the hilt into Dean’s bicep, pinning it to the bored behind him._

_“This ends faster if you don’t scream, 38,” Dean was sobbing now, trying to catch his breath as several different types of pain went through his body at once. “What next… you bit that knot almost clean off… what did he try to do?” Dean didn’t answer and Alastair grabbed him by the throat, while looking into his eyes the knife was twisted. “What did he try to do?”_

_“Knot my mouth… it… it would have broken my jaw… Can’t suck knot if my jaw don’t work.” Alastair nodded and ripped the knife out before slashing Dean’s cheek._

_“Don’t understand your job do you?” He asked, “you let them do what they want to you, we get paid. You get a broken jaw, we fix it… You. Messed. Up.” He punched Dean over and over before tilting his head back. He grabbed a thing of salt and vinegar. He poured the salt into Dean’s mouth before holding his hand over it as Dean began to scream, the salt dehydrating, cracking his tongue and gums open making them bleed. He then poured the vinegar into Dean’s mouth and moved his hand over Dean’s nose. “Swallow it.” He urged, “you don’t you’re gonna choke… it would be a shame. You are so good at your job.” Dean swallowed and began to cough and sputter, blood pouring from his mouth and he began to puke up more. “That’s it…” Alastair cooed, smiling at the man in front of him. He lapped at the blood around Dean’s mouth and smiled a sadistic smiled before picking up the straight razor again._

_He made a long, deep, cut across Dean’s stomach. Dean bit his cheek against the scream._

_“There, now you’re getting the hang of it.” He grabbed a vice and anchored it to Dean’s hand. “Tell me when it hurts.”_  

Dean collapsed and began sobbing, Bela knelt next to him.

“Dean, it’s okay. Let it out,” Benny soothed.

“Dean, listen to me.” Bela said, “find five objects, like you and Benny have practiced okay?”

 

_Alastair smiled as he tightened the vice and Dean began screaming._

“Five things around the room Dean,” Benny said calmly. “Listen to the sound of my voice and try to do this, okay?”

_“You’re learning now,” he smirked before stabbing Dean with the straight razor, making a long gash up his arm._

“Five things Dean,” Dean finally looked around. Coffee cup, computer, chair, desk, couch. And he took a five second breath and exhale for each one. He calmed down noticeably. “You did amazing,” Bela said with a smile. “You may relive this memory a few times Dean. And when you feel a flashback coming on, you tell yourself you aren’t back there. You are never going to be back there. And you have to remember your breathing.”

“I-I-I’m n-n-not s-s-sure i-i-if I-I-I c-c-can…” Dean whispered, Benny ran a hand up and down his back.

“You just did, dumplin’,” Benny said. “You just did one part of it, and I’m gonna be there every step of the way to help you.”

“Dean, you have wonderful supports around you. You have a boyfriend who wants to give you the world, you have family who want nothing more than to make you happy, and you have found a friend in me. And I would like to share something with you, okay?” He nodded, “at a young age I was abducted. For three years. I was beaten, tortured, maimed and raped. Then I escaped. They never caught who abducted me. And the first thing I did was get help. I also developed a stutter, and it goes away with the right help. I have to take medication every day to help mine.”

“`W-W-Why a-a-are y-y-you t-t-telling m-m-me t-t-this?”

“Because everyone has a story Dean. Some just more tragic than others. When I hear about what has happened to you, I just want to take your pain away. Because I identify with it. I understand how it feels… but ten years. The fact you are walking and talking is nothing short of a miracle. Count your blessings Dean, because you have so many. So much love. When I escaped I had no one. My parents were murdered by the same man who abducted me. So I vowed to myself when I got better I would help those who needed it. Help those who have also been subjugated to horrors unimaginable. And your life is a horror story, but one where you are the hero. Where you get your happy ending.” She told him, “and I will make sure you get that happy ending.”

Dean nodded, absolutely blown away by this woman, stunned that someone could be so nice, so caring, when he was basically a stranger… Yet he looked at Benny after thinking that, deciding that was not accurate. He wasn’t stunned, just surprised that people actually wanted to help him.

“So, I want you in my office in two days, same exact time.” Dean nodded and looked at Benny who smiled at him, bringing him into a hug.

“I’m very proud of you Dean,” he said before kissing Dean softly. They left Bela's office, Dean holding Benny’s hand as they walked.

“T-T-Tonight… c-c-can w-w-we…”

“Are you ready for that, cher?” Benny asked looking at him, Dean shrugged his shoulders.

“I-I-I t-t-think s-s-so.” Benny smiled and tugged his arm until he was flush against Benny’s chest.

“I need to know that you are completely comfortable with this, Dean… we don’t need to jump right into sex, there’s other things we can do.” He told him before kissing him softly, “I just want you to be comfortable Dean. That’s all I want. I don’t care about sex as long as you feel safe.” Dean rested his forehead against Benny’s and sighed. “Let’s see where things take us, okay? And if it gets too much just tell me.”

“O-O-Okay… W-W-What d-d-do y-y-you w-w-want t-t-to d-d-do t-t-today?” He asked softly, Benny thought for a moment.

“Take you out to eat. There’s a restaurant called Moose Point Tavern. I know the family who owns it. You think you want to?” Dean smiled and kissed him,

“I-I-I w-w-would l-l-love t-t-to,” Benny nodded.

“Are you ready for Sam and Jess to come up?” Dean smiled and nodded. 

* * *

 

Dean didn’t really know what to wear. As he quickly realized there weren’t a lot of upscale places in town, aside from where Benny worked which really couldn’t be called upscale to someone from out of town. So he went with what he knew would help him fit in a little. Flannel, a black T-shirt underneath, a pair of jeans, and black boots. He wanted to look a little handsome for Benny but really didn’t know how. He didn’t feel handsome. Didn’t really look it. With all the small scars that littered his cheeks and forehead. The two large scars, one across his brow bone and the other across his cheek. He looked like a thug if you asked him.

But when Benny saw him and pulled him into a kiss that was passionate but light at the same time he knew he had done something right. In light of everything that was wrong with him Benny still found him beautiful. He felt… like he was worth something. Something more than just a number. He whimpered when Benny touched the brand.

“Dean?” 

_He was strung up in the room that was reserved for him. A single light hung from the ceiling that cast a grotesque yellow light on the bare mattress that was covered in fecal matter, urine, slick, and blood. The walls were once white he thought but looking at them now they were a gross shade of orange, no doubt from all the dried blood and slick that managed to stain them. The air was stale with cigarette smoke that was vented down into the bowels of the mansion, where the rooms Omegas and Betas were kept resided. Making the already humid, thick air, that much more unbearable. He could still barely move his arm. How long had it been? Weeks? Months? He had stopped counting. Stopped counting after asking a small question that had sent him… He didn’t have anything else to call it besides the room. He was tortured there and then injected with something after that had made him lucid, unable to really move or speak, a state of euphoria unlike anything he had ever experienced._

_The room smelled. Smelled like death. Smelled like rotting flesh and stale blood and ammonia. How had he not gotten an infection from being on this filthy mattress for so long? How had he not gotten sick? He really didn’t know if he could breathe right because with every inhale it was mixture of moist, dry, stale air that tasted like cigarettes. He wished he hadn’t had walked away from his father that day, because if he hadn’t, Victor wouldn’t have kidnapped him from a truck stop in god knows where Kansas. Where he had been sucking dick just to get enough cash for a bus to California. He could sing. He could make it there. But here he was, wasting away in a filthy room, that smelled so bad he felt as though he was going to puke. He was already being called a prize. Because he was good at fucking. Because he was good at sucking dick and getting people off. He had to take care of Sam somehow when John was out of town. So he had gotten practice. But he was making them a lot of money, Victor had said._

_He groaned as the drugs started wearing off. He couldn’t scream. They hurt you if you screamed. So he bit his cheek until he tastes blood. And kept doing so until the wave of pain passed. Victor himself had done this to Dean. Because he couldn’t get turned on enough to produce slick. After a small, innocent, “why?” left his lips. And that meant he screwed up. Like it was his fault his body wasn’t enjoying getting fucked day in and day out. Having knots ripped out of him. Getting hit because some Alphas got off on shit like that. Because some Alphas liked to do the torturing themselves. Some were very good at it._

_“38,” Dean looked to the door and saw Victor and a man he had never seen before standing there. Had that door been open the entire time?_

_“Sir,” he swallowed. Victor wouldn’t be called anything else._

_“Doctor is here, he’s gonna give you a little something to help you… preform.”_

_“My name is Gordon,” he said walking into the cell and taking something out of his pocket and injecting it in Dean. He then produced a water bottle and two pills. “Take these,” Dean shook his head and he got hit. He cowered. “I said take these,” Dean’s hand trembled as he took the pills and swallowed them with a sip of water. Whatever the combination of drugs in his system were they had him practically sedated. That’s when he was dragged from his cell and brought to a room. Where he was thrown onto the bed with an Alpha._

“Dean, sweetheart, look at me… that’s it.” Dean focused on his voice and let go of a small sob.

“B-B-Benny?” He asked softly,

“I’m right here.” Benny pulled him into a hug and Dean rested his head on his shoulder. He cried quietly as Benny led him to the couch. “Just remember to breathe… in and out. Find five things Dean. That’s it.” And Dean found five things, and followed what he had been practicing. Slowly but surely he calmed. The tears were still there, but he could breathe.

“Can you talk about it?” Dean shook his head, “Sha… please let me in. I can’t help if you can’t tell me what you went through.”

“N-No,” he said simply.

“Dean-“

“I-I-I s-s-said n-n-no!” Dean yelled, “I-I-I c-c-can’t j-j-j-just t-t-talk a-a-about i-i-it!”

“Dean, you don’t need to yell. If you can’t talk about it you just can’t. No need to get angry.” Benny said in a calm voice. Dean just nodded and leaned against Benny. “I didn’t mean to upset you, hon.”

“I-I-It’s o-o-okay B-B-Bear.” Dean mumbled,

“We don’t have to go tonight, you know. It’ll be there tomorrow.”

“I-I-I s-s-still w-want t-t-to.” Dean said, “I-I-I j-j-j-just n-n-need t-t-to c-c-calm d-d-down.” Benny nodded and kissed the top of his head before running his hand up and down Dean’s arm.

“You did it, sweetheart,” Benny said. “You did that by yourself.” Dean smiled, “you’re getting better at this.”

“I-I-I h-h-have h-h-help.” 

* * *

 

As Dean walked into the restaurant, hand in hand with Benny, he realized that this small northern Maine town was a hunters paradise. Deer and Moose heads hung from the walls, it smelled so inviting.

“This place is amazing, they have good food, prices are cheap, and everything is from scratch.” Dean smiled and they sat at table. Dean looked across at Benny and smiled and it was returned with a warm look. He grasped Dean’s hand and brought it to his lips. “How are you feelin'?”

“S-S-Strangely o-o-okay,” Benny smiled again. A waitress came over.

“What can I get you two for drinks?” She asked, her voice thick with a sound that could only be obtained from growing up in Massachusetts.

“B-B-Beer,” Dean said.

“Bottle or mug?” Dean thought for a moment.

“B-B-Bottle,” he decided.

“We got Bud Light, Coors, Samuel Adams, some gross ass IPA's, Guinness…” Dean looked at Benny for help,

“Two IPA’s,” she chuckled and wrote it down before handing them both menus.

“I’ll be right out with your drinks,” she said with a smile. Dean looked over the menu, everything looked good. Yankee Potroast with mashed potatoes and green beans, Prime Rib with horseradish whipped cream, Steak with roasted potatoes and asparagus with hollandays sauce.

“What are you gonna get?” Benny asked,

“P-P-Prime R-R-Rib,” and he felt bad seeing it was the most expensive thing that was on the menu. “I-I-It’s e-e-expe- expensive…”

“Don’t worry about, dumplin’, we’re on a date.” Benny said with a smile,

“A-A-A d-d-date?” Dean asked with a smile,

“Of course. This… You need a little normal in your life, like getting taken out on a date by your boyfriend.” Dean smiled. That’s something he could get behind. Normal. He needed some sense of normalcy. Whether it came from lazy days lounging around the house with Benny on his days off, or going out to eat, hell just watching a movie at night. It made him feel right. Made him feel normal. Okay even. Because when he was doing these things, his trauma was in the farthest recesses of his brain. Because he wasn’t thinking about it he was living in the moment and didn’t have the time to think about it. So when the waitress came back and took their orders Dean smiled at Benny as she walked away.

“What?”

“Y-Y-You h-h-help m-m-me f-f-forget.” Benny nodded and they began to talk. When a song played through the overhead speakers Benny smiled widely at Dean. It was song a that described exactly what he felt for Dean. 

_When the rain is blowing in your face_

_And the whole world is on your case_

_I could offer you a warm embrace_

_To make you feel my love_

_When the evening shadows and the stars appear_

_And there’s no one there to dry your tears_

_I could hold you for a million years_

_To make you feel my love_

_I know you haven’t made your mine up yet_

_But I would never do you wrong_

_I’ve known it from the moment that we met_

_No doubt in my mind where you belong_

“This song…” Benny whispered, the second it played he fell in love with the man in front of him, completely and fully, all consuming love. “I want this to be our song…” 

_The storms are raging on the rolling sea_

_And on the highway of regret_

_Though the winds of change are blowing wild and free_

_You ain’t seen nothing like me yet_

_I could make you happy make your dreams come true_

_Nothing that I wouldn’t do_

_Go to the ends of the Earth for you_

_To make you feel my love_

_To make you feel my love_

 

Dean nodded with a smile. Benny sure as hell had never seen anything like Dean before that night a month and a half ago. When he saw what could only be love in the crystal blue eyes that he loved waking up to his heart may have just burst. He wasn’t ready for that, not yet, but he could tell Benny loved him just by that one looks he was giving him. He felt wanted. He felt loved. He felt the caring and patience that Benny was made of in each glance, each touch, each kiss. Never in a million years did Dean think he’d get to this point. Because a month and a half ago he escaped from a place where his life had almost ended several times. A place where it would have been cut short by the barrel of a gun pressed against his temple as he had seen so many times before while he was there.

Their dinner came and it was amazing. Dean’s prime rib was perfect but he kept taking bits of pot roast from Benny’s plate and popping them in his mouth. Benny smiled every time he did so.

“You’re gonna end up eating all of mine too,” Dean blushed and looked down at his own plate before finishing off the enormous slab of meat they had presented him with. He dug into the sides next before looking up at Benny who was watching him.

“Have I not been feedin' you enough?” Benny inquired, Dean chuckled,

“J-J-Just h-h-hungry,” he said. Benny nodded,

“Save some room for dessert, dumplin’. They have the best apple pie I’ve ever had. Homemade vanilla ice cream too.” Dean's face lit up, smiling as he looked at Benny. “You like pie?”

“I-I-It’s m-m-my f-f-favorite.” Benny nodded and they finished their meal in silence. They each ordered some apple pie with the ice cream and it was out to them quickly. Dean’s scent smelled like this apple pie. The cinnamon, the hint of clove… it was all Dean. Dean enjoyed every last bite of pie and ice cream before they paid their bill and left, setting out for home. Once in the house Benny turned to him and pressed him against the door, licking and sucking at his neck. “Been thinkin' 'bout this all damn day,” he practically growled before trailing kisses up his neck and across his jaw before finally settling on his lips.

“B-B-Bear…” Dean gasped as Benny slotted his knee between Dean’s legs and deepened the kiss.

“You tell me this is going to far, I stop, alright?” Benny said, Dean just nodded and kissed him deeply, running his hands through Benny’s short hair, scratching at his scalp before trailing kisses of his own.

“L-L-Let m-m-me m-m-make y-y-you f-f-feel g-g-good,” Dean mumbled against his lips. Benny shook his head and began to suck a hickey into Dean’s neck, having to resist the urge to bite down, instead just nibbling lightly at the skin before pressing his hardening cock against Dean’s thigh.

“Nu-uh, I’m making you feel good.” Benny mumbled before looping his arms underneath Dean’s legs and bracing his other hand on Dean’s back before lifting him and placing a lazy kiss on Dean’s lips as he walked towards the stairs. He kicked the door to the bedroom open before setting Dean down and lifting his shirt off before throwing it. He pinched Dean’s nipples lightly, running his lips across Dean’s jaw.

“I-I-I,”

“You’re fucking perfect Dean.” He said before kissing Dean back onto the mattress where he hovered over him. He leaned down and kissed him softly before trailing kisses down to Dean nipple, blowing hot puffs of breath on the hardening peak before circling his tongue around it. He sucked on it lightly before nibbling on it, sucking and biting softly, all while pinching and rolling the other nipple between his fingers. Dean arched his back when Benny bit down roughly before giving his other nipple the same attention. He was leaking slick and his cock was painfully hard.

Benny trailed kissing down his chest before his mouth rested on the bulge in Dean’s pants. He mouthed and sucked at it, lapping through the coarse fabric. He unbuttoned the jeans and pulled down the fly before tugging them down around his waist.

“W-W-What a-a-are y-y-you d-d-doing?”

“Don’t worry about it,” Benny said. He pulled Dean’s jeans and boxers down around his knees before licking from the base to the tip of Dean’s cock, causing him to cry out.

“B-B-Benny!” He looked up, Dean’s cheeks were flushed, his eyes were hooded. Benny turned back to his cock. Dean… he was big. Big for a male Omega, usually they never breached six inches, Dean was sorting an eight inch cock that had the most delicious flavor imaginable. He sucked and placed small kisses on the head before swirling his tongue around swallowing a little bit before grabbing his shaft and pumping it as he licked and sucked. Dean was trying to thrust up into him but Benny pushed on his hips as he tried to take more of Dean in, gagging slightly as he made it half way before he began to bob his head.

Benny move his hand behind Dean and found his slick soaked entrance and probed him causing Dean to shout and moan at the same time.

“Mmm…” Dean hummed, he never got treated like this. Not even before hell. He was always the one doing the fucking, never getting an ounce of pleasure beyond an orgasm himself. But the sensations moving through his body at that moment were unlike anything he had ever experienced. It was really beyond pleasure. Benny smirked around him as he heard breathy moans and small curses begin to leave Dean’s lips. He sucked hard on the head of Dean’s cock before adding another finger and Dean screeched, his dick contracting, balls tightening and he was cumming. He was cumming hard and he was unloading multiple spurts into Benny’s mouth. Benny swallowed every last drop he could but had to come up for air. Cum dribbled out of his mouth and onto his chin and the remainder dripped down the sides of Dean’s spasming cock. He removed his fingers slowly, Dean gasping all the while, and licking the slick off them, moaning at the flavor

“Let me know if this gets too much for you and I stop, okay?” Dean nodded and Benny undressed Dean completely before stripping himself. Dean saw Benny’s very hard length and gulped nervously. He wasn’t ready. He really wasn’t ready. Not in the slightest bit. He really wasn’t even ready to get Benny off in anyway and that become obvious when he was crying and ran from the room. Benny sighed and ran a hand over his face before standing. He pulled on a pain of boxers and went to find Dean, he was in the bathroom, shower running and he could hear faint sobbing through the door to the bathroom.

“Dean?” he asked, “I’m sorry sweetheart…” 

_Dean just took it. The pounding. Every thrust was pain throughout most of his body. He was fucked raw. Non consensual. He was a toy at every Alphas disposal. He made a wrong choice just a minute before by not moaning and he was paying the price. A body snapped into him and buried the knot so deep he could practically feel it in his abdomen. And then there was the painful stretch, the burn, the blinding hot pain of skin and muscle being ripped open as the knot was torn out of him._

_“Sorry to cut this short. Got a wife and pups at home.” ThisThis son of bitch was sick. But he said nothing, he held his tongue as he slowly bled and the Alpha left the room and Dean was left alone. Laying there, blood and slick dripping out of him, shivering as blood slowly left him. He couldn’t do it anymore, wouldn’t do it anymore. He’d rather be in the room then have these things keep happening. But Dean didn’t get a say. Didn’t get a choice. It just didn’t happen._

_He knew he could get away with crying, Victor allowed him to cry sometimes because he was so good at his job. But it wasn’t a fucking job, he was a fucking slave. He wasn’t able to decide if he wanted to see a client. He was forced. Hormones and narcotics and other medication shoved into him so he’d be compliant. But it stopped working, not the hormones, but all the other drugs. They left him with a small head high but nothing compared to when they first started the cocktail. The narcotics really never worked unless they were injected. And he didn’t like needles. He was done with needles. Needles upon needles sometimes seven time in four days if clients were particularly rough. 'Clients' he thought bitterly. He had even begun to think it. He paid the price every single time didn’t he? Talking back earned him a trip to the room. Saying no made Victor very mad. Getting knots ripped out of him, cut, burned… He always paid the price. And it was because some part of him had hope he’d get out._

_“38!” the door opened and he looked up, seeing another Alpha, a regular, one named Brady. “Fuck, someone left you wide open.” He fussed,_

_“S-S-Sorry s-s-sir…” Brady smiled, “sir” that word seemed to be well received by Alphas that came through these doors. Dean got special treatment in a sense. He only saw high paying clients in the nicest of rooms._

_“What good are you right now? Bleeding and bruised…” He took a knife out of his pocket and walked towards Dean and Dean felt angry. Not again. He was always the one who liked to cut him. He was sick. Sicker than most others. Because not only did he get off on it, he enjoyed it. He’d killed one of the “workers” there once because she refused to let him cut her cheek during sex. Victor wasn’t even mad. When he got close with knife Dean was done. He was done beyond words and he grabbed the knife from Brady and cut his throat before running from the room. There he was, the only guard at the wings where he was closest to the door. He approached him, when the guard turned to Dean he stabbed the knife through his neck and ran. Ran as fast as he could, out and into the woods._

Benny walked into the bathroom, seeing Dean on the floor of the shower, knees brought up to his chest as tears fell from his eyes, and he didn’t know what to do. Dean would only let him in so much. And it actually hurt. When your mate is hurting, you hurt. Even if they weren’t mated Benny felt the ache in his chest, phantom pains he didn’t understand, hoped he never understood.

“Dean, sweetheart,” Benny said softly as he opened the door to the shower and turned the water off. He grabbed a towel and draped it over Dean’s shoulders. “Please talk to me. Please let me help you.” Dean took a deep shuddering breath and began to talk softly. Telling Benny about it. Slowly his voice started getting louder as more tears fell. Benny helped him stand as he rambled on, the name Victor slipped from his lips and Benny stilled for only a moment before drying him off and kissing him softly.

“Get changed, darlin’, I’m gonna go make you something to eat.” Dean just nodded and sat down on the edge of the bed, staring blankly at the wall. 

* * *

 

The next day, Dean felt sluggish, having expended all his energy into his big break down the night before. Even with a deep, dreamless sleep, he awoke tired, was tired, his muscles ached, his head pounded. The man sleeping next to him didn’t stir when he woke up or opened the door to the bedroom and walked downstairs to make coffee, only having mild panic when he spotted the specs of dried blood on the wall where he had hit his head. He put coffee in percolator and plugged it in before heading outside to the back deck and just sitting there, staring off into the distance.

Why was everything so hard? Everything was bright, harsh, and cruel. The morning light wasn’t welcoming. It was way too bright for tired eyes that tried to look out into the a place that brought him comfort so he sighed, defeated and walked back inside and poured a cup of coffee. He heard Benny stirring upstairs but made no move from his perch on the counter to go and see him. He just sat there, sipping at his coffee as he watched Benny walk into the kitchen.

“Good morning,” Dean grumbled a hello before finishing his coffee. “What do you want for breakfast?” He asked, Dean shook his head.

“N-N-Not h-h-hungry,” he said before sliding off the counter and walking into the living room where he turned on the TV. Flipping through channels he settled on a show about animals and just settled in, pulling the throw blanket over him. Benny sat next to him and sighed loudly,

“What’s wrong?” Dean made noise and just focused on the TV. “Was it something I did?” Dean shook his head and muted the TV, turning to Benny.

“J-J-Just h-h-having a-a-a r-r-rough d-d-day…” Dean said softly before leaning his head on Benny’s shoulder. “I-I-I'm s-s-sorry,”

“You don’t need to apologize, Dean. We all have bad days.” Dean shook his head. He had perpetually bad days. No matter what his smile said he still felt wrong. Felt broken. Dean was tired of talking with a stutter. It made everything harder. He wished he could tell Benny these things, but crying and trying to talk at the same time was difficult. So he settled on getting angry. It was easier than voicing his feelings. Then having to hear his own voice. The voice that always sounded broken.

“Dumplin’, you need to let me in more. I can’t help you if I don’t know what’s going on.” He soothed, Dean shook his head.

“I-I-I h-h-hate f-f-feeling b-b-broken… h-h-hate f-f-feeling i-i-it. I-I-I h-h-hate m-m-my s-s-s-stutter…” He was getting upset and the beginnings of tears stung his eyes as he took a deep breath and continue. “I-I-I h-h-hate m-m-myself. I-I-I'm a-a-a u-u-useless O-O-Omega w-w-with a-a-a s-s-s-stutter. M-M-My j-j-job f-f-for t-t-ten y-y-years w-w-was f-f-fucking a-a-and s-s-sucking k-k-knot a-a-and I-I-I c-c-can’t e-e-even h-h-have s-s-sex…” He was crying now, and went on for fifteen minutes about everything he hated about himself. Every single time he felt he had let Benny down and at the end tears stung Benny’s. The name Dean had spouted off the night before, Victor, had hurt him so bad that he hated himself. Hated everything about himself. And Benny wanted to kill him. There was no way it wasn’t the same Victor that frequented the restaurant. That was the only Victor in town and it made Benny’s blood boil.

“None of it is true, baby.” Benny said, “I’m not saying you aren’t broken 'cause I cant imagine how you feel, but you ain’t broken beyond repair. You are the kindest person I’ve ever met. Having a stutter isn’t bad, Dean. It means someone hurt you. Not being able to have sex? I couldn’t care less. I don’t want you for sex. I want you for you. I knew what I was getting into, dumplin’, and I’m not backing out now.” Dean had a look on his face. One that was unreadable to Benny. But the thoughts that were going through Dean’s mind were jumbled. Benny didn’t care about his faults or flaws, didn’t give two shits that Dean wasn’t ready for sex. He just cared that Dean was okay. Nothing about Dean bothered him in the slightest bit.

“O-Ou-Our s-s-song… S-S-Sing it.” Dean asked softly. Benny’s voice was like honest if it were every a sound. 

_When the rain is blowing in your face_

_And the whole world is on your case_

_I could offer you a warm embrace_

_To make you feel my love_

_When the evening shadows and the stars appear_

_And there’s no one there to dry your tears_

_I could hold you for a million years_

_To make you feel my love_

_I know you haven’t made your mind up yet_

_But I would never do you wrong_

_I’ve known it from the moment that we met_

_No doubt in my mind where you belong_

  
He listened as Benny sang to him, the soft, southern drawl that lightly broke through as he sang was lulling him. Benny… Benny was everything and more to Dean. He scented him, breathing deeply against his sternum. Benny would wait for him. He’d wait years if it meant Dean was comfortable. And Dean needed that. He needed patience because he can’t remember the last time someone really had that with him. He needed acceptance. He needed love even if he wasn’t ready to give it back. And he had found that with Benny. Found everything that he needed by accident. He hadn’t known where the road was. Hadn’t known that someone safe would get out of their car and help him. It was by chance. By the grace of God he had been where he had that night that seemed like a lifetime ago. 

* * *

 

Benny and Dean lounged that day. Benny called out of work to stay with Dean, Lisa, the lenient boss she was allowed it, saying she better get to meet Dean one of these days. They were snuggled on the couch, legs intertwined as they watched The Hobbit. There were small touches and sweet kisses as they watched. There was a knock at the door and Benny sighed before getting up, leaving a very engrossed Dean sitting on the couch as he answered the door.

“Hey,” Sam said holding a very fussy baby with a tired looking Beta standing behind him. “Benny this is Jess, Jess this is Benny.” She waved and he let them into the house.

“Dean, they’re here!” Benny called, Dean rushed into the foyer and saw the baby and stilled.

“H-H-He’s s-s-so s-s-small…” Sam chuckled,

“He is, do you want to hold him?” Dean felt intimidated by the small bundle of baby in his little brother’s arms, but nodded slowly and sat down on the sofa in the living room where Sam handed Dean John, explaining how to hold him. Dean looked down at his nephew, light blonde hair and eyes that matched Sam’s almost exactly.

“H-H-He’s b-b-beautiful…” Dean wanted a pup of his own then and there. Someday. If he could. He wasn’t sure if he could have pups after Alastair, after that contraption that made him bleed in the worst ways. But he didn’t dwell. He made faces and cooed at the baby who smiled a toothless smile and Dean laughed. 

* * *

_15 minutes earlier_

“Sorry!” Jess exclaimed bumping into someone.

“It’s quite alright,” the man told her. She didn’t like him his body language was predatory, even for an Alpha and the way he was looking at her made her skin crawl.

“Sammy!” She called Sam walked over, “I saw a bathroom and I need to get John changed,” she said before switching with him and walking away.

“Your mate is beautiful,” the man told Sam. Sam felt put off by him but couldn’t touch on why,

“Thank you,” he finally decided on.

“You two aren’t from around here.” Sam chuckled,

“You could say that. Five days on the road just about. Visiting my brother, we’re coming up from Sioux Falls.”

“Now that is a drive, especially with a newborn.”

“He’s what took the extra two days.” Sam agreed, “look, I gotta go, nice meeting you…”

“Victor,” he supplied.

“Sam,” they shook hands and Sam was gone. He smelled a lot like Dean. That must have been the brother Dean would mumble about his first few weeks there. A bitter smile formed on Victor’s lips. Dean had help. He had the nerve to find people who cared. Boiling with anger he approached the counter and Garth looked uneasy.

“Hey Victor wha-“ Victor leaned across the counter and growled in his face.

“Pack of Marlboro’s…” Garth swallowed hard and nodded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank you all for your kind words and wishes that I get better fast. Reading them helped me through the worst of the pain and put a smile on my face and I just can't thank you guys enough. 
> 
> Let me know what you guys think.


	10. The Phone Call From Hell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On the third day at Missouri’s, Dean's phone rang. 
> 
> “H-H-Hello?” 
> 
> “Hello, 38,” Dean’s eyes widened, his heart sank and he felt sick. 
> 
> “W-W-What d-d-do y-y-you w-want?” He managed, 
> 
> “Just making sure you haven’t gotten into too much trouble. Like the present I sent you?” Dean felt tears roll down his cheeks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: The very last couple of paragraphs of this chapter are graphic. If you have a history of suicidal ideation or attempts I strongly suggest you avoid it. 
> 
> Sorry this took me so long to get out. As my wrist gets better I find myself increasingly busy. So I'm shooting for one chapter a week and maybe two on the weekends.

Having a newborn baby in the house really didn’t bother Dean’s already erratic sleep schedule. Nor did it bother Jess. Sam and Benny however were adjusting. Sam more so than Benny. Benny had practice from when he had helped his sister with Elizabeth when she was a baby and her father walked out. Benny could wake up easily and get back to sleep easily. Dean either barely slept or was the lightest sleeper in the entire world. So hearing a baby crying didn’t really bother him. 

He would go into the nursery (which Benny avoided for obvious reasons) and read to the baby as best as he could, usually making it in there before Jess who would always thank him for the help. He Iiked Jess. She was funny, witty, had so much personality about her that it could take up an entire room. Not to mention she cooked. She insisted making them lunch that day and Benny was impressed. They exchanged cooking skills back and forth, different recipes. 

“I know who the fuck you are!” She exclaimed, hitting her hand on the table causing Dean to jump. “You were on Diners Drive-ins and Dives!” Benny smiled and nodded, 

“Yes I was,” 

“Me and Sam went to that restaurant and you weren’t there. We never got to try the gumbo…” She pouted and Benny laughed, 

“I’ll make it for dinner, how does that sound?” Jess' eyes lit up and she looked at Sam who nodded excitedly. 

“I’ve been wondering why you looked so familiar,” Sam said, “I guess we know why.” Benny nodded. Dean felt really awkward, really out of place in his own home and he didn’t like it. He really didn’t like it one bit. They all sensed his shift in mood and the uncomfortable scent that poured off of him. 

“You okay?” Benny asked, Dean shook his head and rose from the table before walking out of the room. Anxiety hit him full force and he didn’t know why. He went to the bathroom and closed the door before locking it and staring into the mirror. The face looking back at him made him mad. He didn’t like it. Really didn’t like it. His eyes were filled with tears, that slowly fell. His lips were trembling and he was on the verge of a break down. Bela’s voice echoed in his head, telling him to breathe. And he tried, boy did he try. But he eventually sunk to the floor of the half bath, knees brought up to his chest, head in his hands as he cried quietly. How can a conversation held between people make him feel that unfamiliar in his own home? Why had it driven him to tears? He’d really like to know. But he doesn’t. 

So he just sits there and cries. Deep sobs tare out of him, body shaking, back hitting the wall as they came out one by one. Finally there was a knock at the door. 

“Dean?” He didn’t say anything, just sat there, barely breathing, hoping Benny would take the hint. But when he heard the door being unlocked from the outside he cursed and hid his face. “Dumplin’ what’s wrong?” Dean just shook his head and said nothing. Benny took a seat next to him and mirrored his position, waiting for Dean to speak. But it didn’t come. Dean just store blankly at the row of cabinets that hung above the toilet. 

“I-I-I…” He didn’t know how to tell him that the conversation between him, Jess, and Sam had made Dean feel unwelcomed. Awkward in his own home. So he tried his best to explain it to Benny but failed and ended up getting frustrated, kicking a hole into the wall. He hung his head at the way Benny jumped. “I-I-I’m s-s-sorry…” Benny wrapped an arm around Dean’s shoulder and kissed his head. 

“Nothing I can’t fix,” Benny said dismissively. Dean didn’t know how Benny didn’t get angry at him. It was a miracle because he had no doubt that Benny in a fight was scary as hell. He wondered how he had so much patience. How did he manage to take everything Dean did with little more than a nod and a reassurance. “Are you ready to go back out there?” Dean shook his head and just sunk further into himself. Benny sighed, slightly in frustration, but mostly in sadness. Dean had such bad anxiety that not knowing what people had been talking about had prompted his breakdown. 

“Dean… best way to deal with anxiety like this is to face it,” Benny urged. Dean just shook his head. 

“I-I-I’m g-g-gonna g-g-go t-t-take a-a-a n-n-nap.” Dean whispered before standing and walking out of the bathroom and up the stairs. Benny sighed and went out to the kitchen where Sam and Jess sat confused, worried looks adorning their faces. 

“Is he okay?” Benny sighed and sat down, 

“He’s strugglin'.” Benny answered, “he’s had a lot happen to him, some days he’s better than others.”

“Why… Why does he want you when he’s like that?” Sam asked innocently, Benny could see the hurt in Sam’s eyes. Dean was his brother. Of course it would hurt seeing that, hearing it from Benny as well. 

“Sam!” Jess scolded, Benny just shook his head. 

“After he…” Benny sighed and stroked his beard. “Sam… me and Dean are true mates. That’s why. I’m sorry he doesn’t come to you for help, I can’t imagine how bad that must hurt you… I-I just can’t not help him.” Sam nodded and looked at Jess who was sending every warning glance he’d ever seen. 

“True mates? You’ve known each other how long and you’re both deciding that?” 

“None of your business,” Benny said equally. Jess groaned, 

“Sam, let’s take John out and explore a little, Dean doesn’t need this Alpha male bullshit right now. If he and Benny are true mates, so what? Why does it matter to you?” 

“Because I spent the last ten years thinking my big brother was dead and… and it hurts okay?” Sam said, “it just hurts seeing that he’s more comfortable with you than he is his own family and I can barely handle it.” Sam stood from the table and Jess sighed. 

“Winchester’s…” She groaned before standing. “Sam, Sammy!” Seeing Sam hurt like that had hurt Benny a little too. It made him feel guilty. Guilty because he hadn’t wanted Dean to leave him those weeks ago. Yet Dean never would have made as much progress as he had if he had went and live in Sioux Falls Benny had to tell himself. Because Dean was his. No one was taking him away. No one not ever. 

* * *

 

Dean had changed into one of Benny shirts, which was extremely loose on him and crawled in bed, just staring at the ceiling trying to will the remainder of his tears away. When there was a small knock at the door he made no move for it, just laid there, waiting for Benny to walk into the room. When he did Dean couldn’t look at him. He had messed up by yet again and broken something out of frustration. 

“They went to explore,” Benny said before sitting next to Dean who perched up on his elbows.

“I-I-I b-b-break e-e-every-th-thing…” He had heard what Sam had said when they were in the nursery. Heard what had happened as he was at the top of the stairwell. “S-S-Sam h-h-hates m-m-me…” Been laid next to him, pulling Dean into his arms. 

“Sam doesn’t hate ya, sha.” Benny tried to assure him, Dean just shook his head and closed his eyes, breathing in deeply. It was too much to put into words at this point. Because Sam seemed to think that Dean would just remember. But that’s not how it works. You don’t just remember giant holes in your memory, especially if they were from a cocktail of drugs that were designed to make you forget, to keep you submissive. A cocktail that did other unknown damages to his body. He couldn’t help that he didn’t remember. He wished he did. Wished that he was able to hold on to those memories. Wished he could remember more. But he couldn’t. And the fact that Sam expected him to remember… it didn’t make him angry. It didn’t make him see red. It made him sad, a ball of self-loathing and self-hate. But it wasn’t his fault. Why did people in his own family have these expectations of him? He hadn’t realized he was crying until he felt soft kisses on his head and cheeks. 

“Dean, what’s going on?” 

“I-I-I d-d-don’t w-want h-h-him h-h-here,” he sobbed. “I-I-It i-i-isn't m-m-my f-f-fault I-I-I c-c-can’t r-r-remem-remember… I-I-It i-i-isn’t m-m-my f-f-fault. W-W-Why d-d-does h-h-he j-j-ju-just e-e-expect m-m-m-me t-t-to r-r-remem-remember?” He cried “I-I-I w-wish I-I-I c-c-could b-b-but I-I-I c-c-can’t!” 

“Dean-“ 

“N-N-No! I-I-If h-h-he c-c-can’t a-a-accept t-t-this t-t-then H-h-he’ c-c-can l-leave! I-I-I-I h-h-have e-e-enough s-s-shit g-g-going o-o-on… I-I-I c-c-can’t m-m-make m-m-myself r-r-remem-remember f-f-for h-h-his s-s-sake. I-I-If h-h-he d-d-don’t l-l-like t-t-that h-he c-c-can l-leave. N-No I-I-I w-want h-h-him g-g-gone.” Dean finished before standing and storming out of the room. Benny sighed and followed him, 

“Dean, he said it out of a place of hurt. If you could see the look in his eyes you wouldn’t-“ Dean whipped around and glared at him. 

“I-I-I w-w-wouldn't t-t-think i-i-it?!” He screamed back, “i-i-is t-t-that w-what y-y-you’re t-t-trying t-t-to s-s-say?” Benny saw anger flash across his face and he took a deep breath. 

“I’m saying that if you could have seen the pain you wouldn’t be as upset. I can’t imagine what this feels like for you, sweetheart but you acting like this isn’t fair to Sam either.” Dean rolled his eyes, 

“A-A-Aren't y-y-you s-s-suppo-supposed t-t-to t-t-take m-m-my s-s-side?” Dean didn’t know how else to say it. He didn’t have the skills to communicate the hurt he was feeling towards his own brother. So he decided on asking if Benny would take his side. It was easier than saying it was too much too soon all at once. He clearly couldn’t be the person his own brother needed him to be, why the hell would he want someone like that around? Someone who would loudly voice their hurt like that. It wasn’t his fault. It wasn’t. He couldn’t change anything about himself overnight to make it easy. Did Sam get just how out of place Dean felt being around him? Only remembering bits and pieces of what they had together? How out of place he felt around his own family? Did that matter to no one besides Benny? 

“I’m not gonna take sides on this, cher. I won’t.” Dean nodded and stormed out of the house and down the dirt road, kicking up dust and sand as he walked, cutting the bottoms of his feet open on small rocks as he stormed off. 

“Dean!” He turned to see Benny running after him before he took off into a full sprint. He was dumb. He was probably overreacting, but still the moment he didn’t care. He was hurt. Hurt by someone who was supposed to love him. Not be angry at him for something that wasn’t in his control. When the footfalls got closer behind him he groaned before whipping around and throwing his arms out to his sides, yelling as loud as he could. 

“W-W-What?!” 

“This is nonsense!” Benny shouted back, “he didn’t mean to hurt you, you should know that.” Dean just shook his head and began walking away. “Dean… Sha, please!” Benny went after him and Dean stilled. 

“B-B-Back o-o-off…” He warned, Benny immediately stilled, smelling rage. 

“Dean… You’re being unreasonable.” Dean clenched his jaw and nodded, turning on his heel and stepping tow to toe with Benny. 

“I-I-I a-a-am n-n-not,” he hissed. “I-I-I-“ Benny hugged him and Dean went rigid, eyes widening, heart racing, he shoved as hard as he could Benny fell flat on his ass, looking up in shock. “D-D-Don’t t-t-touch m-m-me.” Dean whispered, Benny stood slowly, nodding all the while before walking slowly to Dean. 

“'m not gonna hurt you, baby. Wouldn’t dream of it.” Benny said in a soft voice. “C’mon home, sweetheart. You’re standing out here in nothing but underwear and a t-shirt.” Dean shook his head and went to turn away.

“Dean…” 

“I-I-I’m s-s-sorry!” He wailed before turning back to Benny, tears falling from his eyes. 

“No need to apologize, I crossed a line, I had it coming.” Dean just shook his head but followed Benny back, keep his eyes to the ground. Once inside he sat on the couch, staring at nothing in particular as Benny took a seat next to him, the both falling into silence. If he could make people understand how hard it was… maybe Sam wouldn’t feel the way he did. If he could see just how bad Dean was actually struggling.

Benny and Bela were the only ones who knew. Understood how he felt. Because he told them when he could. But Sam could never understand. Never truly grasp what Dean was feeling. Because Dean couldn’t put it into words. Couldn’t make him understand. So instead he let more anger out by sobbing angrily into his hands. 

Really, if he scrutinized it, it wasn’t just anger. It was a plethora of other emotions that ranged from anger, to grief, to mourning, back to anger and everything in between. He felt psychotic. Benny was getting concerned when the crying was being mixed with manic laughter. 

“Dean?” Dean looked at him before sighing and wiping at his tears.

“F-F-Feels l-l-like I-I-I'm g-g-going i-i-insane, B-B-Bear.” Benny, apprehensively at best, wrapped an arm around Dean’s shoulder. Dean leaned into him and closed his eyes. 

“They’re only gonna be here a few more days, you think you can make it? If not I can send 'em packing.” Now that Dean was faced with the possibility of them actually leaving he didn’t know if he wanted that. Did he actually want that? He knew a lot of what he was feeling was coming from a place of hurt. 

“I-I-I d-d-don’t k-k-know r-r-right n-n-now…” Dean whispered. 

“Rest for a couple hours, darlin’, they’re not gonna be back for a little while. You don’t gotta decide on nothin' as of now.” Dean just nodded, snuggling closer to Benny as he sighed. “You’re not going insane, Dean. You’re just hurt, there’s a difference.” Benny assured him and Dean said nothing, just let Benny hold him. Benny placed small kisses on the bridge of his nose and Dean smiled, just slightly. “There’s that smile,” Benny said, placing a kiss on Dean’s lips. 

* * *

 

The next day was better. Sam and Dean having discussed what had happened, there were tears but by the end of the conversation they were on better terms. Sam had felt horrible that he had given Dean the impression that he just expected him to remember. It was the exact opposite. He explained how it hurt seeing him trust Benny more. Dean couldn’t help the defensive growl that had escaped him at that point, causing Sam to still for only a moment. Sam realized then that Benny and Dean were really meant to be. It wasn’t just Benny talking out of his ass. Dean felt the same way. 

“Dean, come help me put Johnny down for his nap!” Jess called, Dean rose from the table and went upstairs. “Thanks,” she said, handing him the pup. 

“W-W-What’s g-g-going o-o-on?” 

“Just noticed that you like spending time with him.” She replied with a smile. He returned her smile and rocked the baby gently, humming to him as he began to doze. Dean and Jess chatted, mostly about how much of an amazing pup John was. Never really crying unless he was tired, fussing only a little when hungry. And that’s more than okay with Dean. As he remembered Sam was a quiet baby too. Never really having much to complain about other than not enough attention. So seemed to be the way of John as he was pretty much the same in that regard. If he was in a room and wasn’t the center of attention there would be hell to pay.   
Laying him in the bassinet Dean felt a pang of sadness. Sadness for Benny. Benny had really tried to avoid the pup as much as he could. Looking uncomfortable, almost on the verge of tears when cries came from the nursery late at night. It was just a reminder that soon the room would be empty again and he’d have to close the door. Probably for good. Because pups were probably completely out of the cards for them. Because of Alastair. He wouldn’t dwell on it. Not until the time came. For now, he was content being uncle Dean. And maybe if Jess could finally break Benny, he would have some chance of experiencing the light and fluffiness that was the small pup. Who put a smile on everyone’s face. 

“You’re a natural at this,”Jess commented as she looked at her sleeping son. 

“I-I-I h-h-had s-s-some p-p-practice.” 

“Ellen has told me a few of those stories.” She said with a laugh before turning to the book case. “This room was for a nerd in training.” She commented absently, 

“Y-Y-Yeah… B-B-Benny d-d-don’t l-l-like t-t-talking a-a-about i-i-it.” 

“Is that why he doesn’t want to hold Johnny?” Dean nodded, “okay… Let’s go downstairs. I’m gonna start dinner,” Dean followed her, when they arrived in the kitchen Benny was already in front of the stove. He then began moving around the kitchen, cutting vegetables, deveining shrimp, stiring a red powder mixture into a pot. 

“W-W-What a-a-are y-y-you m-m-m-making?” Dean asked, Benny turned and smiled, 

“Gumbo, didn’t get to make it last night.” 

Deanand Jess nodded, going their separate ways. Dean found himself on the back deck once more. Breathing deeply. It was getting hard not to cry all the time. So many emotions just swirled in him that it was unmanageable to the point where he was surprised he hadn’t gone insane. Every day was a struggle. Every day getting out of bed was like moving mountains, walking down the stairs was like trying to move through a foot of snow. It just got worse and worse. The fatigue, the stress, the sadness, the small flashbacks that littered his day. It only got worse with each breath. Every time he blinked. But this porch, was the one place where he felt kind of okay (besides in Benny’s arms) where he didn’t feel a crushing weight on his chest. Where he didn’t feel like he was going to have another break down over something so small as a conversation. 

“Hey,” he looked up to see Sam and he gave a weak smile, debating whether he should talk or not, ultimately deciding not to and turning to look out in the back yard once again. “Are you okay?” 

“I-I-It f-f-feels l-l-like I-I-I c-c-can’t b-b-breathe s-s-some-sometimes.” Dean responded after a few minutes of silence. “L-L-Like t-t-there's a-a-a w-w-weight o-o-on m-m-my c-c-chest.” 

“You know that’s normal, right?” Sam said, “I’ve settled domestic abuse cases and the party that was abused felt the same crushing weight.” 

“I-I-I d-d-don’t w-want t-t-to f-f-feel i-i-it a-a-anymore.” His voice was small, Sam just sat beside him, looking out into the backyard with him. It was a colder day for mid July, averaging fifty degrees, versus the hundred degree temperature the day before, which was extremely uncommon for northern Maine. Dean liked this weather better not too hot not too cold, just right. Where there was a slight shiver whenever the wind picked up. He really didn’t think there was a place as tranquil as this. The small pond, the wild life that never seemed to notice their presence. It was amazing to think that this was his. He and Benny’s. He couldn’t really remember what he had wanted after he presented. If he had ever wanted an Alpha. His hate towards the secondary gender was filed by time spent in hell. Where alphas were everywhere. Where they hurt you. Enter Benny. Who changed what he believed. 

He closed his eyes and breathed deeply. Something about the smell of pine in the air was just calming. He noticed since coming back from Sioux Falls that the air smelled cleaner. Less stale? He really didn’t know how to describe the smell of a city beyond stale. But this air was breathable, not overwhelming at all. It was clean, it was light, it was cold almost. Frosting his lungs, giving a pleasant cooling feeling throughout his body. It was nice being able to have an escape he decided. He needed it. 

“You look good,” Sam said, turning to him.“Last time I saw you… You were thin and looked sick now you look… like you.” Dean nodded but said nothing. He just wanted this moment in silence. Where talking wasn’t needed. They had an unspoken conversation between them as they watched a few deer wander into the back yard to drink from the pond. As a fox got a tad daring and almost got kicked by the biggest deer there. Sam sighed and informed him he was going to go check on Johnny and Dean nodded, just keeping to himself. Alone time seemed hard to get when your family was involved. They were always wondering where you were. He appreciated it. He really did, but he needed some alone time. Even Benny respected that. 

He remembered he once had a fondness for cigarettes. It was a bad habit but right now he wished he had one. It was an odd feeling, remembering something his body couldn’t really remember. A sensation only his mind could think of. Something that didn’t make sense as to why he craved it. He didn’t understand it nor did he ever want it. So he just sat there, breathing deeply, eyes closed, hands on his knees. 

He didn’t realize how much time had passed. His muscles felt tense by the time he opened his eyes. He was met with the setting sun, and he heard Johnny fussing from somewhere in the house. His head was calm, regardless of the tense feeling throughout his body. It was pleasant. Not having jumbled thoughts. So he stood, stretched and went inside where the smell was extremely inviting. It was warm, spicy, and comforting. He sat at the table, Benny smiled at him at him from his place at the stove but said nothing as he turned back. Dean fiddled with his thumbs as he waited for Sam and Jess to come to the table. 

“You were out there for a while,” Benny commented. 

“J-J-Just c-c-clearing m-m-my h-h-head.” Dean said quietly. He felt lucid almost. Not his body, but his mind was in such a state of calmness that he was able to breathe, actually focusing on his inhale, realizing his lungs felt cool as he did, and how the breath out was warm. It was a strange sensation, one you wouldn’t generally realize in everyday life because it was such an automatic action. He wondered how this was happening, how he reached this state. He didn’t dwell on it. Because his mind wasn’t jumbled. Because he wasn’t upset or angry. Because he wasn’t feeling the perpetual sadness or crippling depression. 

“Soup’s on!” Benny called, when Jess and Sam walked in, Jess carrying the pup in her arms Benny looked uncomfortable, Jess noticed and gave him a sad smiled as she sat down. Sam took a seat next to her and Benny began to serve them, giving Sam some beer, and one for Dean as well. “Can I get you anything to drink?” 

“Water’s fine,” Jess said, he nodded and got her some water and handed the glass to her before serving himself with a beer and sitting down. They dug in, Sam and Jess raving about the gumbo while Dean was relatively quiet. It was very good, but he decided to let them speak freely. 

“Benny, take John for a second,” Jess urged. 

“I… I don’t think that’s good idea.” Benny said, 

“Please?” Benny sighed and reluctantly took him, holding him like he was a pro. The pup looked up at him, eyes scanning his face and Benny smiled. 

“He’s a very good baby.” Benny commented, everyone in the room besides Dean hadn’t noticed the tears. He put a hand on Benny’s shoulder and nodded at him, giving some reassurance. Benny smiled gratefully before looking back down at John who was still staring at him. “Hi,” Benny cooed, John smiled and kicked his feet letting go of a small squeal causing everyone to laugh.

“Someone likes you,” Jess said and Benny nodded. 

* * *

 

That night Benny had a thoughtful look on his face as they were going to bed. Dean looked at him and ran his hand up and down Benny’s back.   
“I-I-Is e-e-every-th-thing o-o-okay?” Dean asked, Benny shook his head. 

“Thinking about what could have been…” Benny said, he turned to Dean. “Do… do you ever think about having pups?” Dean was definitely not expecting that question. 

“S-S-Some-Sometimes… B-B-But I-I-I d-d-don’t t-t-think I-I-I c-c-can, B-B-Bear.” Dean whispered,

“Are you afraid?” 

“N-N-No. B-B-Ben, A-A-Alastair…” He explained the device and what had happened after it was used. “I-I-I d-d-don’t t-t-think I-I-I c-c-can g-g-give t-t-that t-t-to y-you…” 

“Dean…” Benny sounded so shattered and Dean felt horrible. Horrible because he also wanted that. He didn’t know for sure but he had an inkling that the damage done to his uterus and cervix either made him barren or made it nearly impossible to conceive. “We’re not even mated. It is way to early to be having this conversation anyways…” 

“I-I-I’m s-s-sorry…” Dean whispered. Benny kissed him softly. 

“It ain’t your fault, dumplin’, we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.” Dean nodded, and turned on his side, Benny’s arm resting around his waist, his face buried in the back of Dean’s neck. He loved Dean more than words could describe. If there weren’t pups in their future so be it. He still had Dean. He’d always have Dean. That much he knew. 

“Goodnight sweetheart.” 

“G-G-Good-Goodnight, B-B-Bear.”

* * *

 

The next day was his appointment with Bela, he didn’t want really much to do with it. Didn’t want to do much of anything. When overwhelming Alpha arousal hit his nose his eyes widened and he looked to see Benny wide awake, eyes dilated. 

“Dean, I want you to go wake up Sam and have him take you somewhere…” His voice was husky, he was rutting against Dean’s leg. 

“W-W-Why?” 

“My Rut hit…” Dean jumped from bed and then… then Benny was following him. 

“B-B-Bear?” Benny lightly pushed him against the wall and began to kiss him. 

“I lied, don’t leave. Need you.” He mumbled, 

“B-B-Benny, I-I-I n-n-need y-y-yo-you t-t-to b-b-back u-up…” Benny willed himself to take a step back and Dean walked out of the bedroom. He went downstairs to find the rest of them awake, including John. “B-B-Benny w-w-went i-i-into R-R-Rut.” He told them, Sam stood and rushed up stairs to get some of John’s things while Jess rushed to get some of their things. When Sam returned he also had a duffle of Dean’s clothes. 

“Alright, Benny got you some clothes… It’s bad. We’re gonna stay at the hotel, you’re gonna be staying with Missouri.” Sam told him, Dean nodded and quickly changed before going out to their car. Once on the road Dean began to cry quietly. He was a bad Omega. He couldn’t even help his significant other through their Rut. 

“Benny doesn’t blame you for not being able to help him. He texted Bela and told her to reschedule your appointment.” Sam said, looking into the backseat. Dean just shook his head and tried to calm himself. He was dumb. He was stupid. He was an omega who couldn’t fuck. One who’s job for ten years had been fucking. Now he couldn’t even help his Alpha. It didn’t seem to matter at this point. By the time he was out of his thoughts they were at Missouri’s. Missouri went outside to greet him and she hugged him. 

“Sam Winchester, look at you!” She called over Dean’s shoulder. “You grew up big, I remember when you were just a tiny little thing. And you got a beautiful family, your mate is absolutely beautiful, darlin’.” Sam blushed, “little boy looks just like his father.” Sam smiled and waved before driving off. “Let’s get you inside, come on now.” 

“C-C-Can I-I-I a-a-ask y-y-you a-a-a q-q-question?” 

“Of course,”

“I-I-I w-want t-t-to k-k-know i-i-if I-I-I c-c-can h-h-have p-p-pups s-s-still… C-C-Could y-y-you l-l-look?” Missouri sighed, 

“Seeing that pup of Sam’s made you and Benny want one, huh?” Dean nodded and looked to the ground. “Dean, you and Benny aren’t even mated yet, why do you care so much already?” 

“I-I-I j-j-j-just w-want t-t-to k-k-know i-i-if w-w-we h-h-have t-t-that o-o-option o-o-one d-day.” Dean whispered, she nodded and they headed into the clinic. She had him lay on a table and she got an ultra sound machine, got the gel and spread it low on his abdomen before moving the wand around. 

“You have some pretty significant scar tissue around your cervix. As long as you get your heat regularly now that you’re not on those damn hormones you and Benny should be okay. I’d go to the hospital in either Augusta or Portland, see if I missed anything. But everything else looks okay.” Dean smiled and shed a tear of relief. “Now let’s get back upstairs, Rufus is gonna be a crotchety old bastard but he’s a good man at heart. He knows your uncle Bobby, they don’t like each other sometimes. Never seen two people fight so much my entire life. Especially when Rufus has his scotch.” Dean chuckled as they walked up the stairs to the modest sized home above. It was comfortable and surprisingly modern which stuck him off guard, Missouri seemed to be one of those people who didn’t believe in in Television or computers or anything like that really. “Make yourself comfortable! I’m gonna throw breakfast on the stove, poached eggs with bacon and toast. You want a cup of coffee?” Dean nodded and sat down, officially meeting Rufus who grunted as a greeting. 

“I-I-I’m D-D-Dean,” he tried. 

“I know who you are. Tell Bobby he still owes me.” 

“Rufus! Treat that boy with some respect!” Missouri yelled from the kitchen. 

“Bite me, woman!” He screamed back, Missouri came out and handed Dean his coffee before smacking Rufus on the back of his head. 

“We have been together for thirty years, learn yourself some manners!” She scolded.

* * *

 

On the third day at Missouri’s, Dean's phone rang. 

“H-H-Hello?” 

“Hello, 38,” Dean’s eyes widened, his heart sank and he felt sick. 

“W-W-What d-d-do y-y-you w-want?” He managed, 

“Just making sure you haven’t gotten into too much trouble. Like the present I sent you?” Dean felt tears roll down his cheeks. 

“H-H-How d-d-did y-y-you g-g-get t-t-this n-n-number?” His voice was shaky, his eyes burned, his vision tunneling. He began to hyperventilate. 

“Oh, Sam gave me your number. Told him we were old friends way back when. How have you been Dean?” Dean shivered, he was panicking, short of freaking the fuck out when Missouri came in and saw his face.

“You were my best, kinda need you back… I can always take you, I don’t want you dead, Dean. If I did, I would have sent Azazel instead if Alastair.” Missouri took the phone right from Dean. 

“Listen here, I don’t know who you are, but you leave him alone, understand me?” 

“Sorry Ma'am.” Her eyes widened as she recognized the voice. 

“Don’t call this number again or the police are getting called.” She hung up the phone and sat next to Dean, pulling him into a hug he cried. Deep sobs shook his body. 

“Is he the one who did this to you?” She asked softly. Dean nodded slowly and Missouri steeled her eyes shut. She had always had a bad feeling about that man. But now. Now it was personal. Now they knew for sure who had hurt Dean. And the second he was able she would go with him to testify.“ "Honey, can you tell me what he did?” 

“N-N-No… N-N-Need B-B-Benny…” He was sobbing so hard she could barely make out what he said. But she nodded and called Benny. 

“Better be over that Rut,” she said when he answered. “Dean needs you and he needs you bad.” 

“Bring him home,” Benny said. 

* * *

 

When Benny opened the door Dean dissolved into sobs and cling to Benny.   
“What happened, dumplin’?” 

“H-H-He c-c-called m-m-me…” 

“Who called you, Dean?” Benny soothed, 

“V-V-Victor…” Benny growled and looked at Missouri she nodded and left, Benny closed the door and let Dean scent him. 

“What did he do to you Dean?” 

“H-H-He’s the one w-w-who a-abducted m-m-me… T-T-The o-o-one w-w-who b-b-b-branded m-m-me…” Benny quelled the urge to go tare Victor’s head off, because he had no doubt anymore that this was the same Victor who had sexually assaulted Andrea. The one who scared customers away and made everyone uneasy. Because he was the only Victor in Jackman. 

“You’re safe sweetheart. He’s never getting to you again.” Dean shook his head. 

“H-H-He g-g-got m-m-my n-n-number f-f-from S-S-Sam… H-H-He h-h-has m-m-my n-n-number!” Dean screamed, “c-c-can’t g-g-go b-b-back t-t-there. C-C-Can't d-d-do i-i-it!”

“You’re not going back there.” Benny said, “you are never going back there, okay?” He kissed Dean softly, “you’re never gonna end up back in hell. I’ll kill him if he tries to come after you.” Dean shook his head. 

“Y-Y-You d-d-don’t u-u-under-understand… H-H-He g-g-gets w-w-what h-h-he w-w-wants.” Dean was shaking so hard Benny was concerned he might fall, even if he was holding him securely in his arms. So he led Dean to the couch where they both sat. Dean just cried, short jagged breaths and hiccups. He was done. This was it. Victor was coming for him. He would kill everyone to get Dean back. Because he was cruel. Because he was heartless. Because he didn’t have an ounce of humanity. Not a single ounce of empathy. No regard for human life. Man, woman, or child. It didn’t matter. No one close to Dean was safe. Not a single person. Sam… Sam must have given the number with good intentions. Probably having thought it would stir a friendly memory for Dean. But it did the opposite. During the phone call he had relived most everything in a split second. It was crushing. 

He felt more broken than ever. Weaker than before. And now he knew no one was safe. He knew Victor had known where he was. But now… now he was getting bold. Calling Dean personally. How many more bodies was it gonna take? How many more deaths, how many more men were going to be sent after him? How much more could he take before he broke and handed himself over? God forbid little John get stuck in the middle of this. Same with Sam and Jess. He couldn’t afford to lose anyone. 

So he took his deep breaths, he willed the tears away until a scowl was left in their wake. 

“Dean?” 

“C-C-Call S-S-Sam a-a-and t-t-tell h-h-him t-to l-leave t-t-town. T-T-Tell h-h-him w-w-why i-i-if h-h-he a-a-asks.” Dean said in a monotone voice. 

“Are you okay?” Dean just nodded and stood before walking out of the room. He quickly grabbed a knife and trudged up stairs before going into the bathroom and drawing a warm bath. When the tub was filled he slit his wrists, both sides, and climbed in, not bothering to take his clothes off. What was the point? He was trying to kill himself, what’s the point in trying to kill yourself naked. It was just biding time from doing the deed itself. He sunk into the water, watching as it slowly turned red, feeling slightly light headed. It was eerie almost. How much blood flowed from him. The cuts had barely hurt. He was numb. So he just watched as the water slowly but surely began to turn darker and darker red. 

“Dean?” Benny knocked at the door but Dean ignored him. He opened the door and his stomach flipped, he rushed over and yanked Dean out of the water. “What the fuck!” He screamed, Dean’s eyes were drooping heavily, Benny tore pieces of shirt off and tied both of Dean’s wrists before calling the ambulance. 

“Stay with me. Dean, don’t you dare close your eyes. Dean!” 

Consciousness was slowly fading into oblivion. Dean couldn’t focus, couldn’t really see beyond the blackness of his vision, besides two pin points of vision that saw Benny’s tear stained cheeks as he cried over Dean. This was it. He could feel it. This was the end. A reprieve from a horrible life. Yet there was guilt. He was leaving Benny behind. Benny. That was the last thing he could think of before he fully succumbed to the darkness. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy the cliffhanger


	11. Good Things Do Come

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean spends some time in a psych ward at a hospital in Augusta and makes a few friends. One with a peculiar quirk about him that has Dean's instincts to help sent into overdrive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I. Am. Such. A. Dumb. Fuck. 
> 
> I HAVE BEEN MISS SPELLING BENNY'S LAST NAME THE ENTIRE DURATION OF THIS STORY AND THERE IS NO EXCUSE I AM SO SORRY! 
> 
> So... I did a few things this chapter. Let's start off with. 
> 
> Thalia is based off a girl I met in eight grade while in placement who I found out killed herself a few years ago, and I wanted to memorialize her in this story because she helped me a lot my time there. (Rest in peace dude, you were an amazing friend and I miss you every day.) 
> 
> Aiden is also based off a boy I went to placement with. 
> 
> The staff that are mentioned by Aiden? Personality traits and only those alone are based off of the staff at the hospital I was at (may they burn in hell when they die)
> 
> It. Finally. Happened. I am no good at writing the sex, but please enjoy the sexy times. 
> 
> Annnnnnd well, final few paragraphs will some up the really big thing...

Benny cried into his hands. This wasn’t happening. This wasn’t happening. This wasn’t happening. The uncertainty of whether or not Dean would live hung over him. It hurt. It really hurt. How Dean thought that was his only way out. How he assured Benny and Bela that he wasn’t suicidal. He let go of a bitter laugh, his true mate, though they weren’t even mated, was on his death bed, at a hospital in Augusta. He couldn’t believe it.

“Mr. Lafitte?” He looked up and saw a woman standing there. 

“Yes?” 

“I’m Dr. Hanscum,” she had a thick Minnesota accent. “We were able to stop the bleeding, sew the arteries back together, and got enough blood into him. He’s eating now.” Benny sighed, looking down and shedding a few tears. 

“He’s okay?” 

“You betcha, he’s resting up. He’s under suicide watch right now but he’s taking visitors.” Benny followed her into Dean’s room, where he was eating a cheese burger. 

“Dean…” Benny breathed, Dean looked down in guilt, eyes shining with tears. 

“I’ll leave you two,” she said before walking off, Benny pulled a chair to the side of Dean’s bed and sat down before taking his hand. 

“You’re okay,” Benny whispered, kissing Dean’s knuckles. “You’re okay…” Dean looked at him, 

“I-I-I'm s-s-sorry… I-I-I w-w-was s-s-selfish.” Benny couldn’t believe this. Dean was apologizing for trying to kill himself. That’s not something you do. That’s a sign that he had reached his end. 

“Don’t you dare apologize for that. You reached your end. Your breaking point, hun.” Dean shook his head and looked down. 

“I-I-I'm s-s-so b-b-broken…” He whispered, “b-b-beyond r-r-repair.” 

“But you’re still fighting. EMTs said it was a miracle you were still alive when they got you here.” 

“W-W-Why d-d-did y-y-you s-s-save m-m-me?” 

“Because…” Because he loves him. That’s why. “Because I love you, Dean. More than anything. You are everything I could have wanted and more. Faults and all. Because I don’t know how I would be able to live without you. So every time you feel like you’re slipping I’m gonna pull you right back.” Benny finished, Dean’s eyes were wide. He had known Benny loved him. But hearing it… Hearing it was a different thing all together. 

“B-B-Bear…” 

“You don’t have to say it. Not until you’re ready. You know you’re going to end up in the hospital, right?” 

“Not if I have anything to say about it.” A voice behind them said. 

“B-B-Bela?” 

“I came as soon as I could.” She rushed to Dean’s bed. “Look, I believe in inpatient help, but I believe that if you’ll allow it-“ 

“I want him in the hospital.” Benny interjected. “I want him there for three days, so he can get on medicine.” Bela sighed, but nodded. 

“We can have that arranged. Can I speak with Dean? Privately?” Benny sighed but stood. 

“I’ll be in the hallway if you need anything.” Benny told him before walking out. Dean looked at Bela. 

“You’re a miracle on legs,” she said. “Anyone else would have died from blood loss, but you… you managed to fight. That speaks a lot about your character, Dean.” She noticed how Dean looked weak, how his voice was fragile when she had heard it. “I… As a friend, not as your therapist, can you tell me who called you?” Dean took a deep breath,

“V-V-Victor…” And he explained what had happened before pausing. “H-H-How d-d-did y-y-you k-k-know a-a-about t-t-that?” 

“Benny told me that what set you off was a phone call. He called when you were transported.” Dean just nodded slowly. Everything hurt. He was tired. He couldn’t keep going like this. He looked at Bela and noticed something on her arm. A large scar. She quickly covered it. 

“I’m going to be staying in Augusta for the remainder of your stay. Since you are already in trauma therapy I am going to request that I come in and counsel you instead of one of the clinicians.” Dean nodded and gave her a very weak smile. 

“I-I-I w-w-would r-r-rather i-i-it b-b-be y-y-you.” She smiled and grasped his shoulder lightly.  
“Dean, if you need anything while they’re trying to place you, don’t hesitate to call me, okay?” He nodded, shortly after she left Benny walked in and sat next to him. 

“I’m gonna run home and get a few things and then I’ll be back. They’re moving you to psych ward in the morning.” Benny kissed him softly before leaving. And Dean was left alone. Alone to his thoughts. Thoughts where all he could see was hell. Being back in that small room with the dirty mattress. Having knots ripped from his body as he writhed in pain, sobbing quietly as his nerves were set on fire from the horrible stretch and tear. Where he would be beaten bloody. Cut, burned, tortured, mutilated. Strung off the ground, on that bored where he would have things stabbed into him. Muscles getting horribly damaged by knives and razors and burns. 

Where he would be fucked until he bled more than he produced slick. Where cum would be shot all over his body, down his throat, his stomach bloating from how much some Alphas came. Being sick because all he could taste as he puked was cum and other bodily fluids. How sometimes his eyes would get suck shut when Alphas double teamed him. 

That’s why he had tried to kill himself after all. Because he couldn’t go back there. He’d get himself killed if he did end up back there. He’d do something deliberate, completely and utterly deliberate so he’d die. Yeah, but now he was being forced to go into a hospital. Three days wasn’t bad. Medicine, some therapy with Bela, and maybe, just maybe, he’d be okay. Not entirely okay, but get his shit together enough that he could do something. 

* * *

 

Benny returned four hours later. With a black eye. 

“What the hell happened?” 

“I stopped at the restaurant to tell Lisa I won’t be there for a few days and some drunk asshole decided to pick a fight. Almost got fired…” Benny said before sitting down. “I got a hotel room,” he told Dean. He looked at him, a long and careful glance. Dean was still pale but nowhere near as bad as when he pulled him out of the tub. “How are you feeling?” 

“I-I-Insane…” Dean mumbled, “I-I-I d-d-don’t k-k-know w-w-what t-t-to d-d-do a-a-anymore…”  
“You’re going in the right direction, Dean. Granted it took an extreme to get here-“ 

“I-I-I j-j-j-just w-w-wanna d-d-die.” Dean cut in, Benny closed his eyes. 

“Please don’t talk like that, sweetheart.” He pleaded, he couldn’t lose Dean, not ever. 

“Can’t have you talking like that, can we, Dean-o?” He looked to see a short man standing in the door way. He had medium length brown hair, caramel colored eyes, and a lab coat that was a little too long for him. “Sorry, I’m Gabriel Novak, the inpatient psychiatrist. I was sent up here to give you an eval and get you some meds, that okay with you?” Dean nodded slowly, “beard man, gonna need you to step out for a second.” Benny looked so offended it almost made Dean laugh. He gave a reassuring nod and Benny left the room. 

“Okay… So,” he looked at the chart. “Severed radial arteries…” He let go of a large puff of air, “is this your first suicide attempt?” Dean nodded, “okay. It says you have a trauma induced stutter,” Dean again nodded. “Ever have episodes where your moods are cycling, angry, sad, happy, sad again?” 

“Y-Y-Yes,” Gabriel nodded and started jotting down. 

“Episodes where you are up and then crash and then repeat or prolonged periods with no sleep, either high energy or hyper focusing?” Dean nodded, recalling how he had watched all of Buffy in two days because he hadn’t been able to sleep. “Depressed?” Dean again nodded, “feelings of overwhelming anxiety and fear?” Dean nodded slowly, “panic attacks, night terrors? Bed-wetting?” Dean frowned but nodded. “Sleep paralysis?” 

“W-W-What’s t-t-that?” 

“Waking up, not being able to move, breathe, talk.” Dean nodded fiercely. “Okay… It says your in trauma therapy with one Bela Talbot?” Dean nodded, “we gotta talk about the brand on your arm. How did you get it? No need to name names, just need an idea of what happened.” Dean took a deep breath before explaining. Explaining how he had gotten the mark, the gist of where he was without going into too much detail. Gabriel looked extremely troubled when he finished. “Flashbacks?” Dean nodded, Gabriel finished writing. 

“Okay. I want to put you on a few medicines, okay? Ambien, so you fall asleep and stay asleep, it will help with nightmares on top of it. Xanax… I know you had a bad run in from coming off benzos but SRRI's interact poorly in people with Bipolar.” Dean raised an eyebrow, “the Xanax will help with the anxiety and the stutter. I want to start you on Lamictal, name brand, generic can cause a lot of stomach problems, and Latuda, an antipsychotic that helps with Bipolar depression.” So apparently Dean was Bipolar. He wouldn’t have guessed. He really thought the erratic sleeping and mood was a direct result of his trauma. “Sit tight, I need to go talk to Mr. Southern out there,” Gabriel left the room and saw Benny starting intently at his phone. 

“I am about to get him on some medication.” Benny nodded, “so you want my findings?” Benny nodded again, “Bipolar, Bipolar depression on top of clinical depression, a sever anxiety and panic disorder, PTSD and Night terrors. His stress levels are also through the roof. Because of the situation he is in, I myself am going to be giving him his medicine at night and during the day. Because patients who refuse medication are generally held down and are forced to take them, and he doesn’t need that extra stress.”

“Why the hell would they do that?” 

“It’s their job,” Gabriel replied. “Okay, I gotta go talk to my boss and show her the findings,” he walked off leaving Benny standing alone in the hallway.

* * *

 

Dean was moved to the psych ward ahead of schedule. They gave him his meds and then he was down for the count. Ambien was kind of scary. A lucidity an un-control over his body that couldn’t be rivaled. He imagined this is what some people experienced when having an out of body experience. Just being there but at the same time not. It was a scary experience before he fell asleep, but he had to admit, once he did sleep he didn’t have a nightmare. Didn’t wake up wet. He woke up, groggy mind you, the next morning to a nurse knocking softly at the door. 

“Breakfast in ten minutes,” she said through the door. Dean pulled himself out of bed and walked out of the room. There was a main room, where chairs and couches sat, three large tables with chairs surrounding them, teenagers and adults sat around, coloring, talking amongst themselves, or to themselves, or eating breakfast. It looked gross. The eggs looked and tasted like rubber, the toast was like cardboard, and the small containers of juice had ice at the top of them and tasted freezer burnt. There was a girl, sitting by herself, hands over her ears, rocking back and forth. He frowned and walked towards her. 

“H-H-Hey,” she looked up at him but said nothing so he sighed and sat next to her. She had strawberry red hair, both legs were amputated and had green eyes. She looked at him and took a deep breath. 

“Are you real?” She asked slowly, he nodded, 

“L-L-Last t-t-time I-I-I c-c-checked.” She gave a weak smile, “I-I-I’m D-D-Dean,” he offered a hand and she shook it, hesitantly at best, but spoke. 

“Thalia,” she said. She noticed the massive scarred burn on his bicep and the bandages around his wrists. A look went over her face and she touched his arm where the burn was, looking him in the eyes. “I’m sorry…” She said, he just stared at her. She looked to be in pain when she touched the brand. “I can’t imagine how bad this hurt.” 

“I-I-It…” 

“The two of you are too close. Thalia, hands off!” One of the staff called. She set her hand down and looked to the floor. 

“H-H-How c-c-come y-y-you’re h-h-here?” 

“Schizophrenia… I tried to kill my little sister during an episode.” She whispered, Dean nodded. 

“H-H-How o-o-old a-a-are y-y-you?” 

“Twenty two, I can’t work yet… Under a lot of stress. Mom thought I was possessed and had me exorcized, dad thought I was full of shit until they finally diagnosed me when I turned eighteen. It made a lot of sense.” Dean nodded, 

“I-I-I'm s-s-sorry t-t-to h-h-hear t-t-that.” 

“It’s okay, Dean. I… No, no, no… Sorry…” She plugged her ears and began to nod to herself, mumbling under her breath. Dean sighed and looked at the orderly, who were sitting on their asses doing nothing to help. He looked back at her and suddenly she stood with her Cain. 

“Need to go back to my room, Sandy.” She told the nurse who nodded and walked with her. Seemed to be the only one she trusted. Dean just sat there, looking around, trying to make sense of what was happening. The windows, while they didn’t have bars on them, were locked and the glass was thick. The door was locked from the inside, only a key that the staff carried could open it from this side. Doctors, staff and visitors having to be buzzed in. There was a phone station where he could make phone calls, not that he’d need to. He really didn’t want to talk to anyone besides Benny and Bela. Sam and everyone could worry for the time being. 

“I wouldn’t try asking to use a phone,” he looked up to see a teenager standing there. 

“W-W-Why n-n-not?” 

“They get angry, really angry, yeah angry, angry, angry.” He was young, maybe thirteen or fourteen, short cropped blonde hair, pale blue eyes and a sad look on his face. He was an Omega, like Dean, and looked extremely frightened of everyone. “I’m Aiden.” 

“D-D-Dean,” he smiled and offered for Aiden to sit next to him. 

“They are all evil. Most of them anyways. Sandy, Gabriel, and Alex are okay. They’re nice. They help. Help a lot. Yeah, then there is Jackson, two faced asshole. Hits you when no one is looking. Mandy, lost her mom last week, takes her shit out on everybody here, including the other staff. Arianna is… She tries to get with you. You aren’t mated or bonded she tries to get with you. Clark, he’s just a douche. Major douche. He thinks he’s better than all of us because he has his shit together. Acts like he’s all high and mighty, better than us. Ticking, ticking, ticking time bomb until the truth that he’s actually an omega masking his scent with scent blockers comes to light. That’ll be hilarious.” Aiden had an air about him, the way he talked was so erratic that Dean felt horrible for him. His eyes were kind of hollow, cheeks sunken in, pale. 

“H-H-How d-d-did y-y-you e-e-end u-u-up h-h-here?”

“Uh…” He looked to the floor, “my parents died in car accident, car accident,” he shook his head at himself and continued. “I was eight, and, and, and I lived with my aunt for a year and she got sick of me. Sick of me, sick of me, sick of me.” He said, still nodding, like he was agreeing with himself. “Then I ended up in foster care, and my foster dad raped me. Hit me. I took him to court, he’s in jail. And off to another foster home I went. Yes I did, yes I did. I got sexually abused by my foster dad there too. Went into my first heat when I was eleven, got knocked up by that foster dad, got an abortion, was taken out of there. Gained a lot of weight, got bullied, bullied, bullied, bullied because I was fat. Starved myself. Tried to kill myself. Now here I am, yes, here I am. No one really cares about you, no one. They all want something from you. Most people anyway. Some people are good. Like the person you’re bonded too.” Dean nodded, this kid, he’s been through the ringer that’s for sure. He was so young and had already dealt with so much. In a hushed voice Dean asked for his last name. So quiet he knew only Aiden could hear it. “Garrison,” he whispered back. 

“W-W-Winchester,” he he practically mouthed. Aiden smiled and they fell into happy conversation. 

“Dean, Dr. Novak is here to give you your medicine!” The nurse, Sandy, called from the desk, Dean nodded and stood, padding across the floor. 

“Dean-o!” Gabriel smiled, “alright, I want you on five milligrams of Xanax, twice a day, the first few days are gonna leave you pretty spacy but it’s gonna help with the anxiety and the stutter as I said last night. I also am giving you Latuda twice a day. One hundred in the morning, on hundred at night. I'll be back to give you your medicine tonight.” Dean nodded, accepting the pills. He took them with no problem and walked back over to Aiden. 

“Xanies, the good stuff,” Aiden commented. Gabriel was a very loud person as he had figured out, seeing as Aiden had heard across the room. “Good, good, good. Yep,” Aiden sometimes rocked back and forth as he spoke, it made Dean’s heart clench. Thalia had made a connection with Dean. She understood pain. But Aiden. Aiden was somebody Dean could identify with. Not in the same level but understood especially considering the fact they both had a trauma history riddled with sexual and physical abuse. No doubt mental as well. Yet, it seemed worse in Aiden’s case. He was so young. He was so young and he was carrying a weight larger than the world it seemed. Strained muscles that could be seen, a tick that was caused by severe trauma. Dean wanted to help this boy in any and every way he could. 

“How old are you? You look older than I think you are.” 

“T-T-Twenty S-S-Seven,” 

“I’m thirteen… I don’t want to go back to foster care. Wish someone would adopt me. But no one wants a thirteen year old with mental health problems. No one, no one, no one. It’s all about the little kids. Right paperwork and no longer am I a ward of the state. Nope, I’ll be free, free, free, free. Free from hell. No more long nights, no more abuse. Just want a family.” He began crying, “it hurts…” 

“A-A-Aiden l-l-look a-a-at m-m-me,” Dean said, Aiden picked his head up and stared at Dean. “Y-Y-You’re g-g-gonna b-b-be o-o-okay.” He realized that the more he spoke the more he feared to in that moment. The stutter was embarrassing. 

“Don’t think so, Dean. Never gonna be okay. Don’t think I ever was. Always just dealing. Never living.” 

“I-I-I k-k-know h-h-how i-i-it f-f-feels, A-A-Aiden. B-B-But i-i-it d-d-does g-g-get b-b-better. E-E-Even i-i-if t-t-there a-a-are h-h-hiccups a-a-along t-t-the w-w-way.” He said showing the bandages on his wrist. He was really talking out his ass though. Things get better for a split second but then you get torn down. That’s just how it goes. But he had to give this kid some hope. He couldn’t stand seeing him so broken. 

“I wish you were my dad,” he whispered before standing. “Gotta go, go, go, go. Clark is glaring.” He rushed off and Dean was left with slightly wide eyes. Kid wanted Dean to be his dad. He was flattered, he really was, but he couldn’t handle that shit. Not now. But every instinct in him was screaming to help this kid. Aiden stole Dean’s heart in less than hour. Dean had to help him. Just had to.

“You!” He looked up and saw Clark staring at him, “come here.” Dean stood and walked over. 

“Y-Y-Yes?” 

“If you keep getting that close to the patients here I’m gonna contract you.” He raised an eyebrow. He was sitting an arms length away from Aiden.

“S-S-Sorry…” 

“Talking back are we?” Dean glared this time. 

“I-I-I a-a-ain't t-t-talking back.” Dean responded, 

“Sandy, get the form- Mr. Lafitte!” Dean turned to see Benny who glaring daggers at the man. “I’ll take you two to the conference room so you guys can talk.” Benny gave a polite smile and they followed him before rolling his eyes when Clark’s back was turned. He took Dean’s hand in his ad they walked. Clark closed the door behind them and they sat down. 

“I’m really not sure you should be here at this point.”

“W-Why?” 

“Because that Clark guy is a douche, and I don’t like it. Not one bit. If he does contract you make sure you tell Bela and she’ll deal with it.” Dean just nodded and looked down. 

“S-S-Someone w-w-wants m-m-me t-t-to b-b-be t-t-th-th-their d-d-dad.” Benny raised an eyebrow and he told Benny about Aiden. By the end of his story Benny sighed.

“Sha-“ 

“H-H-He n-n-needs a-a-a h-h-home, B-B-Bear.” Benny just nodded, 

“We’ll talk about this later, okay? Right now you have enough shit going on.” Dean sighed but nodded, biting his cheek. It was silent for a long while after that. Benny really didn’t know how to handle the fact that Dean wanted to adopt this kid, nor did he know if he wanted to. But there were so many other things going on that Dean should be worried about that it wasn’t at all a priority. He just took Dean’s hand in his running his thumb over the knuckles of Dean’s right hand before kissing him softly. Dean leaned his head against Benny’s shoulder. 

“I-I-I r-really d-d-don’t l-l-like i-i-it h-h-here.” Dean murmured, 

“I know, dumplin’, I know. Two more days and we get to go home.” 

“N-N-No… I-I-I w-w-want t-t-to g-g-go t-to t-t-the o-o-ocean. I-I-I've n-n-never b-b-been.” 

“Alright, I know a good place.” Benny smiled and kissed him again, this time the kiss flaring a little too much. When Benny pulled back he gave Dean a weak smile. “Next time we get in a bedroom by ourselves, it’s gonna be a special event, darlin’.” Dean nodded and kissed Benny once more before standing. They walked out of the room, Benny checking out for the time being and Dean sat on one of the couches, eyes closed, trying to remember his breathing. Having Benny so close but still a distance was horrible. He just had to make it tomorrow and then the day after. That’s all he had to do. 

* * *

 

He, Aiden, and Thalia became extremely close. The next day they found themselves laughing amongst each other. Aiden was a pretty fun person once he was comfortable. Thalia was less secluded now that she had some friends and was even getting better at ignoring the voices. 

“Dean, Bela is here to see you,” Sandy, bless the woman’s heart. She cared about everyone individually. 

“O-Okay,” he walked to the therapy room where Bela sat. She smiled when she saw him. 

“You look much better.” She closed the door and pulled him in for a hug. “I’m glad to see you laughing and making friends.” Dean smiled and sat across from her. “So, nightmares?” 

“N-N-None,” 

“Flashbacks?” He shook his head. “Hopelessness?” 

“N-N-No,” she nodded. 

“Okay… I’m not going to be treating you for trauma therapy until you are back home because they will likely contract you if you have an episode. Any suicidal thoughts since being here?” He shook his head, “Benny told me you made a friend.” 

“A-A-Aiden,” he supplied. 

“How does it feel having friends here? Does the support help?” He nodded, smiling at her. And they talked, by the time they were done it was dinner. 

“Alright. Tomorrow is your last day, Dean.” He nodded and he walked into the room. He saw people leaving with staff, probably to the cafeteria, and then noticed Thalia looked sick. Really sick. She was pale, she was shaking, she was looking around in fear. 

“S-S-She n-n-needs h-h-help!” Dean called, pointing to her. She tried to stand but fell and began to puke. Staff rushed over to her and lifted her off the ground, doctors were called and she was rushed out. Dean stood just staring at where she had been. 

_Looking at her convulsing body was probably worse than seeing the torture. Her body was in spasms, she was puking, foaming at the mouth. Tracmarks littered her arms and a trace of white powder at her nose. She was overdosing. He couldn’t help. If he helped he’d get beaten. He knew this. So when Gordon rushed into the room and gave her something called Narcan, and she stopped, everything stopped. Her breathing and all, eyes glazed over, cheeks sunken and hollow, blood dripping out of her nose._

“Dear, are you okay?” Sandy asked he shook his head and let a few tears fall. 

“I-I-I n-n-need t-t-to g-g-go t-t-to m-m-my r-r-room.” She led him there and he went to his bed and cried. Cried a lot. Small sobs and hiccups escaped him as he let it out. Seeing someone overdose was scary. Scarier than he had expected. More than he could really remember until seeing Thalia like that. She was beyond fucked up, beyond dead and dumb at that point. All sense of reality lost in those moments before she fell. It was like looking at an entirely different person versus the bright sweet girl he had met the day before. Finally, he got himself under control. Got his breathing even. He left his room, and walked to the couch he had reserved a seat at and just plopped down, focusing on nothing. Not the words that were being spoken around him. Not the worried looks he was receiving from Aiden and Sandy. Not the way Clark, again, looked smug. 

“Didn’t surprise me, tried to tell you guys she was cheeking her meds.” He said and Dean lost his shit, snapping back into reality.

“D-D-Don’t y-y-you f-f-fucking d-d-dare!” He screamed, “y-y-you’re n-n-not b-b-better t-t-than t-t-the r-r-rest o-o-of u-u-us.” He growled, 

“Excuse me?” 

“Y-Y-You d-d-don’t j-j-j-just s-s-say t-t-that s-shit a-a-after s-s-s-some-somebody t-t-tries t-t-to k-k-kill t-t-themselves, y-y-you l-l-low l-l-life s-s-son o-o-of a-a-a b-b-bitch!” Dean stood and Clark started walking over to him.

“I'm not the one who’s in the Looney bin am I? I’m not some dumb Omega with mental health problems. I-“ Dean punched and he punched hard and next thing he knew an unconscious body was hitting the ground. 

“Some one restrain him!” Mandy yelled, Dean glared at her. Jackson came running after Dean, angry Alpha hit his nostrils and soon he was on the ground he was screaming. Distressed Omega permeated the air and finally a girl stepped in. 

“Jackson!” She hollered, “off him, now!” Dean reared back and punched as hard as he could and heard a satisfactory crack before wedging his knee between himself and Jackson, kicking out. He stood, eyes wide with panic. 

“Dean, please calm down.” She said, “rest of you, no contract, no nothing, he’s a rape victim and abuse survivor. Clark and Jackson were both out of line and are being suspended.” She took Dean to the break room and sat him down. “Let it out. Yell scream, whatever you need to do, just let it out.” Dean just dissolved into sobs, for about an hour and half he cried. Finally he was able to find the courage to will his tears away. 

“My name is Alex,” she smiled. She was young, younger than Dean. She was a Beta, and had a clamming sense about her. “Okay… You are not getting contracted. You are not in trouble. Clark is a douchebag who has no boundaries and Jackson is getting fired for this.” Dean nodded and looked to he floor. He couldn’t speak. Not now. Not anymore. 

“It’s okay, Dean. I know, I read your file and I am ripshit about how they were treating you.” Dean looked at the blood on his knuckles from breaking Jackson’s nose. “Lets get your night time meds, Gabriel is here. And then tomorrow is your last day, alright? Tomorrow at five o'clock you are a free man.” 

* * *

 

The next day Dean awoke with a small headache. What’s new. He felt ill, really. His stomach hurt, he was sweating…. No. No, no, no, no. Not now. He needed Benny. His body was crying for his Alpha. _NeedBreedNeedBreed_ were the only things on his mind. His fever was rising.

“S-S-Sandy!” He screamed, she rushed into the room and when Omega in Heat hit her senses she nodded before rushing out. 

“Alex, call Mr. Lafitte, Dean just entered his heat. Have him moved to a heat room now!” Alex jumped on the phone and Sandy rushed back to Dean. He was writhing on the mattress, sweat dripping down his face as he tried to open himself. “Dean, hey, Dean, we’re getting you to a heat room. We called Benny.” 

“N-N-Need A-A-Alpha!” He sobbed as he worked himself open. A few doctors came into the room. “N-N-Need B-B-Benny…” They moved him onto a gurney and rushed him out of psych ward and into a heat room. It smelled unbelievably sterile, and looked completely different from any hospital room he’d ever seen. They moved him onto the bed and he presented, all the doctors were Betas and Omegas thank lord and they just gave him a shot to help with the fever. The need, the undying need to be bred was still there. The need for Benny. 

* * *

 

Benny rushed into the hospital and found out where the heat rooms are from reception before booking it there. 

“Thank God you’re here!” Bela yelled at him.

“Get in there!” A doctor opened the door for him and quickly closed it behind Benny. Dean was on the bed, presenting, knuckles deep, slick pouring out of the hole he saw fluttering. 

“A-A-Alpha…” Dean sobbed, a small stream of slick leaving him when he saw Benny. Benny felt himself harden. “N-N-Need y-y-your k-k-knot…” He was shaking, Benny slowly moved towards him. He was painfully hard, leaking precum, and a knot already half formed. This was bad. This isn’t how he had wanted to do this with Dean. 

“Dean, I need to know if you are sure about this,” his voice was low, almost a predatory growl as he spoke. These words had reached Dean. They had broke through the fever. And he still nodded. He was ready. More than ready. He gasped as he touched his prostate, his dick jumping as he came. It didn’t help, Alpha arousal had already invaded his senses. 

“Y-Y-Yes!” He whined, Benny tore his clothes off, kicking off his shoes and socks before removing Dean’s fingers and replacing them with his tongue. Dean backed against him, moaning loudly as Benny proceeded to prod him and slip his tongue in and out. He grabbed at Dean cock which was again rock hard and leaking and began to stroke it as he worked his tongue in circles around Dean’s fluttering hole, before slowly invading the inside. Dean tasted like heaven. Peaches and cream, causing Benny to let go of a low moan before he thumbed the head of Dean cock, smearing precum and moving it back down. 

“N-N-Need K-K-Knot!” Benny stood behind him and Dean arched his back, ass in the air and a possessive growl left Benny as he lined up. He moved his hips forward slowly and Dean cooed, trying to rock back against Benny, but Benny held his hips as he sunk into the wet heat. Dean walls were like velvet around his cock. Warm, soft and fluttering, adjusting to his length and squeezing just right, he groaned loudly when he bottomed out, balls resting against Dean’s taint. Dean encouraged him to move, or tried to, making soft sounds and moans as he stroked himself. Rocking lightly back against Benny. If Benny moved now he’d be cumming and Dean wouldn’t be satisfied. So he waited, waited until he got used enough to the incredible feeling and finally began to rock his hips lightly. Slowly building to a steady rhythm as he pistoned into him, the only sounds in the room were Dean’s loud moans and skin slapping against skin. Benny was loosing his control the longer he was inside of Dean. He began to slam his hips forward, bailing Dean’s prostate with each thrust, Dean howling at the feeling. 

“S-S-So g-g-good!” Benny was no longer a man at this point, he was an animal, draping himself over Dean back he began to thrust harder, faster, hitting spots inside Dean that made him squeal. The feeling of Omega around his cock was indescribable. There wasn’t any one word that he could use to describe it as he snapped his hips forward, hitting Dean prostate. 

“N-N-Need y-y-you!” Benny closed his eyes and let out a loud groan as he pounded faster, harder, deeper, placing wet kisses and small bites on Dean’s shoulders as he continued to the thrust forward, sliding easier by the minute. Groaning loudly when his knot began to hit Dean’s rim. He was close. So close. With a hard thrust the knot slipped inside, Benny came with a growl before sinking his teeth into Dean’s neck. Dean saw blinding white fire, his orgasm exploding through his body with such an intensity that he went limp after several minutes of contracted muscles, after every spurt of cum and pulse of knot inside him brought more out of him. Benny was emptying deeply inside him, rutting his hips every time he felt another pulse of cum leave him. He moaned softly when Dean clenched around him, another orgasm tearing through him. 

“My Omega,” Benny growled in his ear. 

“Y-Y-Your O-O-Omega,” Dean responded before biting onto Benny’s bicep. “M-M-My A-A-Alpha,” Benny kissed him hard on the lips. 

“Your Alpha.”

* * *

 

Dean's heat ended a day and a half later, and now they were closer. Physically and mentally. They basically felt each other. And it was wonderful. Dean could feel Benny’s happiness and Benny could feel his. As Dean was officially checked out of the hospital they set their sights on York Maine and drove down the coast, Dean letting the window be down and blow through his hair. Benny held his hand as he drove, it was warm, a beautiful day really. Not a cloud in the sky. Just bright sunshine. 

He took the exit and they drove through down town. It was amazing. Tourists were everywhere during the summer months Benny had said, but even for someone in Maine it was a place to see. They parked at Shortsands, Benny put enough money in the meter to last then days and they were off. Dean got a bathing suit and special bandages that wouldn’t come off in the water and they went to the arcade. Skiball. He smirked at Benny and they began to play, an unspoken challenge being held. Dean won, having gained enough tickets he got a giant stuffed penguin which Benny found ridiculous but said nothing as they continued. They stopped at the York Bakery and got Cannoli', Tiramisu, Sfogliatella, Biscotti, Greek Honey Balls, Baklava, and brick oven Pizza. 

Next they hit The Goldenrod. Machines could be seen in the window pulling the saltwater-taffy. Shelves upon shelves filled with an assortment of different candies and chocolates. It had a restaurant inside and a functioning ice cream bar. Dean pulled Benny inside. He grabbed a couple of bags. He got classic and peanut butter penuche, fudge, chocolate covered espresso beans… he really was a kid in a candy store. After getting all the candy and sweets they decided to have dinner there. 

They were moved to a corner table, the ambience was accented by the low lights and soft music, somehow a world quieter than the candy shop just a few feet away. He got the clam chowder at Benny’s insistence. It came to the table, steam coming off the top with oyster crackers. There was cyan on the top and he mixed it before taking a bite and moaning at the flavor. It… it was amazing. It was sweet, the clam wasn’t chewy, the potato’s were perfect.  
He looked across at Benny and smiled. The dim lighting, the soft music and chatter around them, it was perfect. It felt perfect. Benny took Dean’s hand and kissed it. 

“How are you liking it so far?” 

“A-A-Amazing,” it felt horrible to speak in public. And he hoped the medication would do it’s job soon. He barely remembered what he sounded like without a stutter. And it was explained to him that if the medication worked properly and if he continued with therapy, that it would go away all together. He really hoped so. It felt like such a dim switch on his life. Holding him back from saying the things he wanted to say. He missed singing, he missed having a conversation without anxiety because of the damn stutter. Benny smiled brightly and held his hand as they ate. The mark on Dean’s neck ached a little, but that was okay. It was more than okay. He had an Alpha. He actually had an Alpha.  
He smiled to himself. 

“I… I have a surprise for you.” Benny said, Dean cocked his head. 

“W-W-What?” 

“I applied to adopt Aiden. It was approved.” Dean’s eyes widened,

“A-A-Are y-y-you s-s-serious?” Dean breathed, Benny nodded with a smile. 

“As a heart attack. I got to talking to him with you your second day. Kid needs a home, we got a home. I wanna try this parenting thing with you, Dean. I want pups one day.” Dean just smiled and they ate in relative silence. 

As the sun began to set, Benny paid and they left the restaurant before taking a walk on the beach. Dean balanced on rocks, arms out to his sides, smiling as Benny steadied him.

He jumped off and sat on the wall where the walk way was, looking out over the water, a serine smile on his face.  
Benny took his hand and squeezed it before leaning and placing a tender kiss on his lips. Looking into Dean’s eyes he smiled. 

“I love you, Dean.” 

* * *

 

So they drove back up to Augusta and picked Aiden up, after checking him out. Dean had ever seen the kid so happy. He was smiling a wide smile the entire way back to Jackman. Chatting happily with Dean and Benny. 

“I gotta stop at work, really quick, that alright with you?” Dean nodded right along with Aiden. 

“This means the world to me.” Aiden said looking at Dean, “really, really, really, does. Yep, it does.” 

“Y-Y-You g-g-got y-y-your f-f-family.” Dean smiled back at him. They had a son. Not biological mind you, but they had a son. It was a rewarding and amazing feeling to Dean. He hadn’t been sure at first, half wondered how Benny managed to push things along so quickly. But it didn’t matter. They were a little family. A weird little family mind you, but still a family. True mates, and a young adult. It wasn’t perfect. Not by any means. But… it was Dean’s. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long guys. I've been busy and then sick on top of the business and it just isn't a productive combo for writing. 
> 
> Also if you are wondering how the hell the adoption took so little time? All shall be revealed. So stay tuned. 
> 
> Please let me know what you guys think :)


	12. Boiling Point

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things felt normal, domestic even, for the little family, though Aiden struggled they we're happy. Mated. They were a family. And had one surprise none knew about until it was too late. 
> 
> Going to the grocery store after an appointment with Bela seemed all but normal, until it wasn't. As they neared the checkout a scent hits Dean's nose that is all too familiar and all too scary. 
> 
> Azazel
> 
> Dean finally breaks after loosing something he didn't know he had, telling the police station and both Castiel and Crowley of where he was, who had taken him, and what he had seen. And he tells them to call the one other person alive who can attest to the horrors he had seen. Bela Talbot, a Beta who bore the brand #18.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Okay, so, two chapters a weekend just wasn't feasible. So I am doing one during the week one on the weekends. Sound good? Moving on! 
> 
> This is the longest chapter I have written so far and I feel as though they may be increasing in length as more and more happens. 
> 
> I may or may not be a horrible person. Because of things that happened in this chapter........... (Forgive me please.)

The next day they were getting Aiden settled. He liked his room, enjoyed that there was a TV, Benny went out and bought him a cellphone while he and Dean lounged around the house. 

“Dean?” Dean looked away from the disaster that was lunch and smiled. 

“Y-Y-Yeah?”

“I’m… I know it’s still summer and all, but Benny wants me to enroll in school. School, school, school. Don’t wanna do it. They’re just gonna make fun of me again. That’s all they do. All they do, all they do, all they do.” Dean plated the grilled cheese, the one that wasn’t burned to hell, and handed it to him. He gave him a glass of juice and had him sit down. 

“I-I-I h-h-hated s-s-school… B-B-But y-y-you g-g-gotta t-t-try.” Dean urged, Aiden just shook his head and ate his grilled cheese in silence. Dean sighed and sat down across from him, picking at the more burnt grilled cheese. It was a flop. How one can burned grilled cheese must be a skill in of itself. But Dean had managed to save Aiden’s before the point of no return. 

“I wanna go explore,” Aiden said. “Yep, that’s what I wanna do. Explore, explore, explore.” Dean nodded and stood. 

“C-C-Come o-o-on,” he said with a smile. He showed Aiden around the house before leading him outside to the trail in the backyard and they walked it. It was a nice day, really. The sun was shining, there were a few clouds in the sky. Rays of light penetrated the dense canopy above, casting patches of sunlight on the pine covered ground. Aiden was almost in awe. As if he hadn’t really seen nature up close and personal. 

“Beautiful. Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful,” he muttered. “Smells clean. No exhaust. No smog. Nothing. Just clean.” Dean nodded as they walked, coming by a small stream Aiden looked at it, really looked at it. “Look at the frogs!” He exclaimed happily. Dean smiled as he caught one and showed Dean like he was proud. “Never got to do this with my parents. Never got to. Nope. But now I have new parents. I can do it now. Yep,” he pet the frogs back and smiled. “Okay, time to go back to your friends. Have fun, Mr. Frog.” 

Deanchuckled and crossed his arms as he watched. Even after everything Aiden had been through he still managed an air of innocence. He looked around, never really having ventured this far. It was an amazing place really. It was calm, the running water peaceful. It was beautiful, it was quiet, it was just calm. He wished to hell that there weren’t mountain lions and bears roaming around because he’d stay here for hours on end. But when he caught an unfamiliar scent accompanied by the sound of a twig snapping he had them head back. 

Once inside Aiden decided he was going to take a nap, giving Dean an awkward hug that warmed Dean’s heart. It was amazing really, after only a day there he seemed to be thriving. Color returning to his cheeks, eating as much as he could. Dean was thrilled by seeing this. When a knock sounded at the door he sighed and went to answer it. 

“You dumb son of bitch!” Ellen pulled him into a long hug, stepping across the thresh hold. “First you don’t call after getting back then you end up in the hospital. Twice! I could throttle ya!” Dean smiled brightly as he returned the hug. Ellen noticed the mark and smiled brightly. “And you got mated!” She squeezed his shoulders. 

“H-H-How l-l-long a-a-are y-y-you s-s-staying?” 

“Benny called me to come watch the house, didn’t expect you two to be home for some time. Guess he was wrong.” Dean led her into the house, beginning to clean up the failed lunch and what remained of Aiden’s sandwich. “You have a guest?” She inquired, Dean shook his head. 

“N-N-No… M-M-Me a-a-and B--B-Benny a-a-adopted…” Ellen’s eyes widened. 

“You two moved fast,” she said, still sounding shocked. “How old is the pup?” 

“M-M-More l-l-like t-t-teenager. H-H-He's t-t-thirteen.” 

* * *

 

“And then Bobby got sick of Rufus bitchin', threw a lamp at him and told him to lighten the fuck up!” The table fell into laughter as Ellen finished, “boy, those two fight worse than actual siblings.” 

“Missouri lives in town if you want go and see her.” Benny said after catching his breath. 

“Maybe,” she looked at Aiden and smiled brightly. “Handsome kid you are.” 

“Thanks, Ellen. Thanks, thanks, thanks.” Her smile was sad. She realized, in a lot of ways, even though at only thirteen, he was very much a child. The way he talked, not his voice, but the way he said things was child like. It made her sad. Almost uneasy. Half wondering what the hell these two boys had gotten themselves into. Under her gaze Aiden shrunk into himself a little bit and she almost cursed. 

“I-I-I t-t-think t-t-that w-w-we s-s-should w-w-watch a-a-a m-m-movie a-a-after d-d-dinner.” Dean suggested, 

“Sounds like a plan, Aiden?” He shook his head and abruptly stood before leaving. Ellen sighed, 

“That’s my fault. Looked too long I guess.” There was regret in her voice and Dean just shook his head. 

“I-I-It i-i-isn’t y-y-you.” 

* * *

 

Benny approached Aiden’s bedroom and knocked softly a few times before opening the door. Aiden was on the bed, back against the headboard, knees brought up to his chest as silent tears streamed down his cheeks. Benny sighed and sat next to him. 

“You okay?” Aiden shook his head and let more tears fall. 

“She was looking at me. Right at me. Too long, too long, too long. Didn’t like it. Nope, not at all. Not at all. Benny, I didn’t like it. Does she not like me? I did something wrong. Really did. Yep.” 

“You didn’t do anything wrong, buddy. She feels awful now.” 

“No one really feels awful. Just say they do. Say it so you trust them. Yep, then they hurt you again. Repeat, repeat, repeat. That’s what they do, uh-huh. They just make you trust them again.” Benny shook his head. 

“Not in this family,” he told him. “We all care about each other, you hear? We never do things like that, you don’t need to worry, alright? You never have to go through that ever again.” Been told him, 

“I’m afraid you guys are gonna get sick of me. Sick of me like my aunt got. Yep,” Benny pulled him into a warm hug. 

“We are never gonna get sick of you, Aiden. Not ever.” 

* * *

 

Dean and Ellen looked for movies while Benny dealt with Aiden. 

“He's a troubled kid, huh?” Dean sighed and stood up straight.

“Y-Y-Yeah. B-B-But h-h-he n-n-needed a-a-a h-h-home, a-a-and t-t-there’s s-s-some-something a-a-about h-h-him I-I-I c-c-couldn't i-i-ignore.” Dean responded, Ellen just nodded before looking through the large stack of DVD's, frowning, looking to be in deep thought. Dean sighed and sat on the couch. He really didn’t feel right at the moment. His head was clouded. Troubled. That’s definitely more of a word to describe Dean.

_He was getting good. He was making money for Victor. He held his tongue. Never talking back, only speaking unless spoken to. No longer screaming in pain. When he was being fucked he retreated to the farthest recesses of his mind, only letting forced moans of pleasure and curses leave his mouth. Alphas like Dean. Liked his “pretty face” they all say, requesting to see him more than anyone else. That’s fine with him. If it meant no one else had to go through what he had been going through. If it meant he could protect the sixteen years old girl they had brought in the day before. She was scared, she was alone, she had no one by what it sounded. And she had been branded with #22. He realized in his time there, the numbers stopped at fifty. Being recycled when one died. No, not died. Was murdered. No one was ever bought or sold. Well, that’s a lie. He’d seen a male Omega being sold to Victor by his own father. What could push someone to do such a thing? Selling their own child to such a tyrant? But Victor never sold any of them to wealthy Alphas. One had once offered 2.3 million for Dean, an Alpha named Michael. Victor had a few choice words to say about that. Mostly because Dean made more money than that in a month for Victor._

_He had stopped caring about the pain. Pain was a weakness and he had too many. He had been stripped bear. What was his name again? He could barely remember. Something starting with d. Beyond that he was just #38. No identity, no voice, no free will. He was given food so he didn’t starve. Couldn’t be too malnourished, only slightly, getting rid of any muscle tone he once had. Breaking him down 'til he was nothing and building him up till he was only one thing. #38, Victor’s prized whore. He wasn’t really a whore though. He was being forced to suck knot, forced to fuck. He wasn’t a whore. He was a slave._

_Victor had hit him pretty hard the other day. It was because he didn’t cum when he was knotted. Pretty hard to find release when you’re fucked raw day in and day out. Only having four hours of sleep a night._

_“#38!” He looked to his door to see Azazel, an Alpha who more than enjoyed inflicting pain, especially to Dean. He never fucked, never tried anything on Dean besides beating him. Dean was unsure if he got off on it or simply just like being in control of someone._

_“Yes sir?”_

_“Lucifer is requesting you.” Dean gulped. Lucifer, he was the most vile of vile. He was attractive, kind of cute, but he was ruthless. Whips, chains, razors, knives, burns. He got off on the pain, would even let Dean bite his cock and he would cum harder than being inside Dean. He was the Alpha who really liked ripping his knot out of Dean. That Alpha usually responsible for Dean being sent to the room._

_The room behind heavy wooden doors. That damn wall he was chained too smelled like death. Always smelled like death. Because most died in there. So Dean stood and followed Azazel to the suite, the most expensive one. The one that was always clean. One where he had spent days in. The one where he was allowed good food and drinks. Because in that suite, regardless if he was cut, burned, or whipped, after the hellish torture and mad fucking, Dean was pampered there. It was mini escape in hell._   
_So he followed him up in the elevator, and walked to they’d of the brightly lit hall and was pushed into the room, where Lucifer sat on the mattress, tie half hazardly hanging around his neck, suit coat off, and the first two buttons of the luxury button down unbuttoned._

_“#38!” He was a very eccentric man, had a few quirks and went from ruthless to sweet. It was… strange. And Dean hated it. Hated him. And Lucifer new that. And that made it all the more special when he paid to see Dean. Because he was even more ruthless each time. Practically testing how far he could push Dean before he shut down and sobbed._

“Dean?” He looked at Ellen and wiped at his eyes.

“Y-Y-Yeah?” She didn’t say anything, just kept a concerned eye on him. Benny hadn’t emerged from the bedroom with Aiden as of yet and Dean sighed before standing, padding across the carpeted floor and opening the bedroom door slowly. He saw a very concerned Benny facing a very stone faced Aiden. 

“H-H-How a-a-are m-m-my b-b-boys d-d-doing?” He asked, Aiden just gave a brief glance and Benny sighed loudly. 

“Making a little progress.” Benny said as he stood, “you can come out whenever you’re ready, alright?” Benny said, Aiden just nodded and they walked out to the living room where Ellen sat on the couch, looking through Netflix. She settled on an old Western and they settled in, some John Wayne film. Dean recalled he love Westerns. 

Half way through the movie Aiden came out of the room and sat close to Dean, just watching the screen. By the end he was dead asleep, Dean well on his way. Benny and Ellen stood, Benny turning off the TV while Ellen threw a blanket over the two of them. They went into the kitchen and Benny pulled out a bottle of bourbon and poured some in a tumbler for Ellen, sliding it to her. He poured one for himself and took a sip. 

“Those two, really like father and son.” Benny nodded and looked into the living room, Aiden had his head against Dean’s shoulder as he snored softly. 

“They really are.” Benny said thoughtfully, sighing he looked at Ellen. “His heat ended after a day and a half. I’m not sure if it’s 'cause he was on them damn hormones for so long or if he caught.” 

“His scent hasn’t changed, so don’t hold your breath.” She commented, “not trying to be harsh, Benny… but is Dean really in the position to be carrying a pup? After everything?” He sighed, 

“I… I guess he isn’t but what if that’s what’s going on? What do we do?” Ellen sighed and pulled out a chair at the island.

“Then you guys deal.” Ellen said looking at him. “Benny, Dean is in no position to be carrying a pup, 'specially since he tried to kill himself. He’s got enough on his plate. But, I am in no position to be telling you two how to live your life. You also got to think about Aiden now.” She drained the tumbler and Benny filled it again. 

“I get where your concern is coming from, Ellen, bu-“ 

“But nothin'!” She raided her voice and Benny fell silent. “You need to think about yourselves, you gotta think about Aiden, and most importantly you need to think about Dean. About how carrying a pup will affect him, alright?” 

* * *

 

Dean awoke in the middle of the night, remembering he needed to take his medicine and get Aiden’s together for the morning. Lucky kid only had to take them in the morning. He put his pills aside and got Aiden’s ready before sitting at the counter. He really didn’t like the dark. Really hated it if he was being honest with himself. It was too quiet, quiet to the point where all he could hear were his own thoughts. And that was a comforting thing. Because they were all about hell. All about Victor and what he was going to do. What he would do next. What plan he had to lure Dean out. It scared him. He walked into the living room and shook Aiden awake, telling him to go in his room before taking his medicine and going upstairs, stripping into his underwear and crawling in bed next to Benny. Benny opened one eye and smiled at him. 

“Hey, dumplin’.” He kissed Dean softly. “What time is it?” He wondered, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. 

“A-A-A l-l-little p-p-past o-o-one.” Dean mumbled kissing Benny again. Their lips sliding against each other, tongues clashing. Dean allowed Benny’s tongue entrance, moaning around his tongue. Benny tasted every inch of his mouth, noting how it tasted a little like vanilla. Benny rolled on top of him, deepening the kiss. Dean’s hands roamed up his back, fingers lightly digging into the flesh, feeling hard muscles moving just under the skin. 

“B-B-Bear…” He gasped as Benny slid their erections together. 

“Shh… We gotta keep quiet, darlin’, Ellen is in the spare bedroom. Can you promise to be quiet?” Benny asked as he sucked on Dean’s neck, biting small marks into his skin. He ran his tongue up before sucking a hickey right under his jaw. 

“Y-Y-Yes…” Dean gasped as Benny rutted harder. Benny pulled back and stripped before pulling Dean’s boxers down and off. Dean turned over and presented, a possessive growl left Benny as he lapped Dean’s slick coated entrance, probing lightly with his tongue. Dean’s hand flew over his mouth to stop the loud moans from escaping him. Benny replaced his tongue with a finger, working it in and out as his other hand snaked around and began stroking Dean's cock. He added a second finger and began to thrust deeper, sinking knuckles deep into Dean’s tight, wet, heat, scissoring him open. He began to lap at him all at the same time, Dean’s legs shaking, eyes steeled shut as jagged moans were pulled out of him. Benny pressed his fingers down against his prostate, his dick jumped and he shouted into his hand. 

“N-N-Need y-y-you A-A-Alpha...” Dean gasped Benny smirked and pulled back before lining up with Dean and sinking in slowly. Dean moaned softly and rocked back against him, trying to push him deeper. 

“None of that darling.” Benny murmured as he snapped his hips forward suddenly, burying deep inside Dean causing him to cry out. “You gotta promise to be quiet, sha.” Dean nodded; Benny kissed in between his shoulders as he began to move his hips in short thrusts, gliding easily in and out.   
He braced his hands on either side of Dean’s hips and pistoned forward, gliding over Dean’s prostate and nailing it on every other thrust. Dean was a shaking mess. He was moaning and grunting softly. Benny reached beneath Dean and wrapped his hand firmly around the base of Dean’s cock. 

“Want you to finish with me,” Benny growled in his ear as he started slamming into Dean, groaning loudly as Dean’s hole fluttered around him. “So good for me,” he cooed. Dean was crying, tears fell from his eyes as his release was being stopped. 

“N-N-Need t-t-to c-c-cum,” he was chasing an orgasm that was being denied by a beefy hand wrapped around his cock. His body was on overdrive. He was acutely aware of all of the sensations. The pleasure of having a full and thick cock inside him, the way it lit his nerves on fire in the most pleasant of ways, how he could feel his orgasm building and building, pretty damn close to reaching it’s zenith even with Benny’s hand stopping it. The thrusts that shook his body and made slick gush from him, the hot breath on his neck as Benny slammed into him.   
Benny’s powerful hips meeting his ass in erratic thrusts as he chased his own orgasm, how his hips would be bruised by one hand. 

Hewas a goner. He felt Benny’s knot banging against his rim and he let go of a sound mixed between moan and strangled cry. Benny snapped his hips forward, knot catching, sinking his teeth into the soft skin of Dean’s back all while removing his hand. Bright white light exploded behind Dean’s eyes, his body bucked and shook, eyes rolling into the back of his head as his orgasm tore through him. Benny stroked his cock as he came, riding him through every intense wave of pleasure until he was a sniffling mess, limp on the mattress. Benny laid them on their sides and began placing lazy and wet kisses on Dean’s neck and jaw. 

“How was that?” Dean gave him a weak thumbs up, not entirely sure if he could speak at this point. He was light-headed, his body had betrayed him by going limp. He was as useless as a wet noodle at this point. Benny lovingly wrapped his arms tighter around Dean and kissed his head. After Dean regained some semblance of his breath back he spoke. 

“A-A-Amazing,” he managed and Benny smiled. Dean turned his head to capture Benny’s lips. 

“We’re gonna have to clean this room tomorrow.” Benny said as he stroked Dean’s abdomen, fingering the soft flesh there. Dean nodded and snuggled close to Benny, as much as the swelled knot inside him would allow. All of the sudden he felt subconscious. His body was littered with scars from knives and burns. His entrance had been cut so many times he was surprised he could be opened at all. Then there were the eight nail like scars across his lower abdomen from that damn contraption. 

He was a walking wound essentially. How Benny could find him beautiful was beyond him. Because he wasn’t. He was gross. A gross Omega covered head to toe in scars from various Alphas and forms of torture. One who had acid burns down his right leg. He was hideous. And that’s how he found himself crying. 

“Dumplin’,” Benny soothed in his ear. 

“I-I-I’m h-h-hideous…” Dean said in a broken voice. “S-S-Scars e-e-every-everywhere.” 

“I don’t care about that, sha. Never have. You’re the most beautiful damn creature ever, your scars aren’t you, sweetheart. They never will be. They’re just a part of you. So when I touch here,” he finger the nail like scars on his abdomen. “Or kiss you here,” he pressed a kiss against the long and jagged scar that ran down his spine. “It doesn’t bother me none.” He was left speechless yet again. Benny didn’t find him hideous. Didn’t find the scars that seemed to litter every surface of his body repulsive. He just didn’t care. Whether Dean was thankful or dumbstruck was unclear to him, but he didn’t mind at the moment. His meds started kicking in, the Ambien hitting him hard enough that he actually jumped slightly. Then he went lucid, that terrifying lucidity again that made he him question if he were alive or dead. Benny noticed the slight panic that was being slowly drowned out by the strong scent of sleepy Omega and nodded. 

“Let’s get some rest, okay?” Dean just nods and let’s sleep over take him. 

* * *

 

Dean awoke, not to his surprise, groggy later that morning. Benny was behind him, nuzzling the back of his neck, his beard lightly scraping at the skin. Dean turned to face him and smiled. 

“G-G-Good m-m-morning,” Dean said. Benny leaned in and brushed his lips against Dean’s. 

“Good morning,” Dean scented the room. It reeked of sex and cum. So did the both of them. “We gotta shower and clean in here.” Dean just nodded and rolled out of bed. He pulled his boxers on and stripped the bed before carrying the bedding to the laundry room and throwing it into the washing machine before going to the bathroom and turning on the water. Benny joined him and began scrubbing Dean’s skin with the pads of his fingers, brushing against all the right parts causing Dean to gasp. His cock was slightly abused from the night before being denied such a powerful orgasm. He had another but Mark on his back, but nothing compared to the one still healing on his neck. And he could tell he was still loose. Loose enough that he might just instigate some shower sex. 

“Not now,” Benny murmured, kissing him softly. “Ellen wants to take Aiden out today and we got the house to ourselves. Later, I promise.” Dean sighed but nodded all the same as he and Benny washed off all evidence of their lovemaking the night before. As they got ready for the day Dean looked at Benny out of the corner of his eye. His Alpha was acting pretty different from the day before. Touching Dean whenever he could in anyway he could. Dean wasn’t complaining, he really wasn’t. It just struck him as weird. Maybe because the claim on Benny’s bicep had started to take it’s affect? He didn’t really know. 

They walked downstairs where Ellen already had breakfast read, Aiden sitting at the table with a cup of coffee. Dean smiled and greeted Ellen before moving to take his morning medicine before bringing Aiden his. Benny got Dean his breakfast, biscuits and sausage gravy, and a cup of coffee. He dug in, noting how the biscuits were home-made, the gravy was from scratch, and the sausage was just slightly peppery. He looked at Aiden who was engrossed in a book as he ate and then to Benny and Ellen who were having a hushed conversation. 

“Scent changing” and “not ready” were words that came up, and Dean half wondered what they were talking about but dismissed it. Really not caring as he finished his breakfast and took his seat outside with his coffee. This was something he found he loved doing. Sitting on the back deck with a cup of coffee in the morning. Just watching and breathing. 

Thebrown Adirondack chairs were comfortable, even if they were bare wood with no padding whatsoever, they were a place he could sit for hours if he had the opportunity. It was always cool out there. Never reaching above seventy degrees even on one hundred degree days. He really liked it. Most definitely enjoyed the tranquility that it brought with it. There were no cars that ever went by. Their house was the last house on this stretched of road, the last five miles or so leading right into Canada, a short breath away from Quebec. 

“Dean?” He looked and saw Aiden and smiled, motioning for him to sit down in the other chair. He did so and looked out into the backyard breathing in deeply. 

“W-W-What’s u-u-up?” 

“You guys are never gonna get sick of me are you?” Dean stood and knelt in front of him, looking into blue eyes that were starting to look lively again. 

“N-N-Never.” Dean said, “w-we n-n-never w-w-will.” 

“I’m just scared. Everyone abandons me. Everyone, always, always, always. My aunt, my foster parents, the ones who weren’t abusing me… yep, I’m just not lovable.” 

“D-D-Don’t y-y-you d-d-d-dare s-s-say t-t-that.” Dean said, “y-y-you w-w-will a-a-always b-b-be l-l-loved h-h-here.” Dean assured him, he just nodded and fell silent. 

“I don’t like the way this medicine makes me feel. Don’t like it. Nope.” Dean nodded and pulled him into a hug and soon felt tears.

“Why did all of this happen to me?” He asked, “why, why, why?” 

“S-S-Some-Sometimes h-h-horri-horrible t-t-things h-h-h-happen t-t-t-to g-good p-p-people.” Dean murmured, “a-a-and i-i-it s-s-sucks… B-B-But i-i-it g-g-g-gets b-b-better.” 

“How do you know?” 

“I-I-I’m l-l-living p-p-p-proof.” Dean replied, “a-a-and s-s-so a-a-are y-y-you.” Dean said with a smile, “a-a-and y-y-you’re s-s-still h-h-here.” 

* * *

 

Dean had almost forgotten about his appointment with Bela. 

“Today, I would like to explain PTSD to you.” He nodded, “it is an extremely complex mental health disorder caused by seeing terrifying and traumatic events along with experiencing them. Now… many people think the only veterans get PTSD, but that is not the case. Not by a long shot. And quite frankly, the people who think like that piss me off to no end. 

Symptoms are flashbacks, severe anxiety, nightmares and night terrors, being easily startled, extreme reaction to loud and sudden noise. Uncontrollable thoughts about the events that have caused this disorder.   
Other bi-symptoms of this can include paranoia, existential fear, bed-wetting, sleep paralysis-“ and she went on and on. For about half an hour explaining all possible symptoms and in his head he was making checks in boxes. He fell under all of them just about. 

“And in rare cases, people who have seen and felt such traumatic events can develop a stutter.” Dean nodded, 

“I-I-I w-w-want t-t-to g-g-get i-i-into m-m-more o-o-of w-w-what h-h-happened.” Bela nodded and looked at where they had left off. 

“How did you end up there?”

_A truck stop in god knows where Kansas, Dean was knelt in front of an Alpha trucker, nose pressed against his pelvis as he sucked and deepthroated._

_The man came with a shuddering sigh and pulled his dick out of Dean’s mouth, giving a hundred bucks for the blow job, stating he’d never had one so good. Dean just looked at the money, questioning what the fuck he was doing with his life. That’s right. Trying to get to California._

_“Have a good night,” and he walked off. A black car pulled up and he looked at it incredulously. It was past dusk, and this was no place for a luxury SUV to be parked. A man, correction, two men, stepped out. “Can I help you?”_

_“Maybe, I’m Victor Henriksen, this is Azazel… You’re a tad young to be out here by yourself, aren’t you?”_

_“Not that it’s any of your business but dad kicked me out, got no where to go, trying to go west… Have a good night.”_

_“Hey, no need to be rude, just talking.” Dean shook his head and started walking away when a hand on his shirt pulled him back._

_“Please, we insist you come with us.” Dean felt panic rise in him. “What’s your name?” Dean didn’t say anything and Azazel held a knife to his throat and repeated the question._

_“Dean Winchester,” he croaked. He was hauled into the vehicle and cuffed to the door._

_“Would you like a drink, Dean?” Victor asked pouring a flute of champagne. Dean glared at him and kicked as hard as he could, his foot connecting with the side of Victor’s head._

_“Fuck you,” he growled. Victor chuckled and looked at him._

_“We got a fighter…”_

He snapped back into reality and looked at Bela, slowly explaining what had happened. She nodded and wrote down exactly what had happened. 

“Victor Henriksen…” She repeated as if she’d seen a ghost. 

“Y-Y-Yes,” Dean replied looking uncomfortable. He watched as her hand ghosted over her upper bicep but didn’t make contact. 

“What’s the next thing that happened, Dean?” She asked, her voice no longer strong, just frail. No more of the confidence that usually laced every word she spoke. 

“T-T-They b-b-b-branded m-m-m-me… A-A-And t-t-tortured m-m-me…” He lifted his sleeve to show the large knife wound that had scarred over in an angry red line. She looked to the ground and nodded before wiping at her eyes. 

“Dean, I need to call this session short today. I don’t feel well.” 

“B-“ 

“No!” She barked, “please…” she took a few deep breaths. “In time you will know why I am responding this way. Let’s just say your story may be a tad triggering.” Bela looked at the clock and then back at him. “Look, I have some boundaries and I need you to respect them for the time being, okay?” Dean nodded and stood before pulling her into a hug. 

“I-I-I'm s-s-sorry,” she just nodded and he walked away. As he neared the waiting room he realized he had forgotten his phone and headed back after telling Benny, not thinking he opened the door and saw it… A brand, same as his that read #18, raised red and angry off her skin. He grabbed his phone and she sighed, having already caught his scent. 

“So you know my big secret.” She said, chewing on her bottom lip. 

“I-I-I f-f-forgot m-m-my p-p-phone…” She had him sit and began slowly. 

“I was fifteen. I was vacationing in America with my mum and dad… And I went to the store to get a candy bar for my mum… and unbeknownst to me someone followed me back to the camp ground…” She took a few deep breaths, “he had one of his goons stab my father death, the other raped and shot my mother… and I was left crying over both of them. Victor dragged me into that car, kicking and screaming. He got me in the car and I bit one of his goons throats out, tore it right out and he congratulated me.   
Then we drove, hours, maybe twelve of fourteen and then the car came to a stop. A bag was put over my head and I was led inside. When it was taken off I was in a room. There was a fire place and smelled of death. A bored hung on the wall behind me that had chains and shackles.” She stopped and blinked back tears, “they asked me what my name was… and I screamed “Bela Talbot” at the top of my lungs. A knife was shoved in here.” She pointed at the wondering right under her collarbone on her left side. “and they asked my name again… and weaker I said the same thing… and this went on for hours until finally I caved. Until I finally said I didn’t have a name.” Tests fell from her eyes as a haunted look came over her face. Her lips quivered as she spoke again, 

“They took out an iron etched with the number eighteen out of the fire place. I was held down and it was burned into me… they asked for my name again, too weak, too fed up, just wanting the pain to stop, I said my name was #18.” Her eyes were so far away as she spoke, trying not to break down completely. 

“For three years… for three years I took knot after knot, having them ripped from my body. And I never stopped fighting. Every single time I found more courage to fight, the harder Alastair tried to unravel my will… one day I had enough. I took a guards gun and shot him in the face and ran. I ran for miles upon miles through wilderness, and when I thought someone was trailing me I hid in a tree for three days.. by the time I found solid ground and cars I was in a town called Skowhegan. I was taken to the hospital from there. When I spoke I spoke with a stutter. I stopped talking all together really. And then my saving grace came. A trauma therapist named Maureen. I got the help I needed, did a bit of stalking and found out where Victor was. I went to school, got my degrees, and opened a practice right under his nose. Waiting, hoping, that one day someone would find the same courage as I did and escape hell. That they’d seek me out… and to my surprise an Omega named Dean Winchester was attacked by Alastair and had my name and contact information in his phone. I was so desperate to help you.” Finally tears spilled over, “I was with pup when I escaped… my body was so malnourished I had almost died, the pup did die and I was left with such a bad infection that it left me barren.” Sobs were finally pulled from her. “I don’t even get my period because of how scarred my uterus and cervix is. I… It hurts. But I manage. Just like you do. I wake up and I face the day with a brave smile, and I tell myself I am going to be okay. And I usually am, but when you started talking about… about what they did to you, it set me off a bit, is all.” She folded her hands as more tears fell from her eyes.   
Dean was left in shocked silence. His eyes were wide as he looked at her. She knew. She knew the unimaginable horror that went on there. Why hadn’t she said anything? Why hadn’t she gone to the police? But he couldn’t be angry at her for it. Because he still hadn’t gone to the police. He still hadn’t stepped up. So he took her hand and squeezed it. She had been carrying this with her for so long. How had she managed? He wanted to know how she was so put together even on bad days. Concern flowed off of him, such a pungently sweet smell that it stuck to her clothing.

“I-I-I'm s-s-sorry,” Dean said looking into her eyes. 

“I’m the one who should be sorry… I was so scared. I couldn’t even talk for months after escaping. I should have went to the police. I should have. But I didn’t. I was too scared. Scared that Victor would be gunning for me. But he hasn’t. I’ve seen him at the restaurants here and he doesn’t even recognize my scent. Mostly because I use sent blockers. Designer scent blockers. So I… I don’t have a secondary smell. Just human. And it’s safer that way. Because I can look him in the eyes and not be afraid anymore. Because I got help. Because my hate and desire to see him suffer is beyond anything I have experienced. If I could do to him what he has done to me. To you. To all of us who have lived and died there. He wouldn’t last a second. Because I would light him on fire.” She said in absolution.

“But… I can’t. But you can take him to trial Dean. You know his scent. I can’t do it anymore because the statue of limitation is long since past. But the second you open a case I will go in and share my story. The one that started in those woods twenty three years ago. You need to be strong Dean… and I don’t even know if you’re ready, but when the time comes… bring him hell.” Dean just nodded and squeezed her hand again.   
They parted ways and Dean walked into the waiting room where Benny was waiting and he looked at Dean. 

“What took so long?” 

“C-C-Can’t t-t-tell y-y-you,” and he left it at that. Dismissing whenever Benny tried to ask him a question. He didn’t care. Didn’t want to care. Bela had told him something in such confidence that it had rattled him to his core. His heart ached for her. He had only seen sadness like that before from one other person. One other face. The face that looked him in the mirror every morning. 

So they stopped at the grocery store and we’re silent as they walked around. Just exchanging words about what they wanted for dinner that night. What wine was best with it. Beyond that Benny respected his silence. Having sensed if he asked one more time Dean would go from stoic to fuckshitup really quick. So he held his tongue against the burning desire to know what had happened in that room when he had went to get his phone back. 

But if Dean wasn’t telling him, then it really wasn’t his business. The only thing he knew for certain was that the smell of concerned Omega and distress had wafted through the entirety of the small building. Where it had made Benny uncomfortable to the point he stepped outside for a short amount of time, just breathing in the clean air. Because those two scents did not mix well. It was pungent and laid heavy in the air, making Benny feel almost sick at the palpable tension and emotions floating throughout the building. He had a heard a small sob at one point but knew it wasn’t from Dean. Because when he had walked back into the waiting room his eyes were completely dry. There was just the smell of concern. Sickly sweet concern. 

Dean’s scent was almost wrong now Benny noticed. It had a twinge to it that he couldn’t quite identify. It wasn’t anger. It wasn’t sadness. It wasn’t really anything he could decipher. It was a mix. As he looked at Dean, the mask on his face was unreadable. Unmoving like stone. Besides the ticking of his jaw as he ground his teeth on one side. An unmistakable sign that Dean was either angry or was about to do something. Whether it were a stupid thing or not he didn’t know. So he just made sure to place small and loving touches on his mate’s back every now and then, giving him small smiles that were thankfully returned. 

As they headed to the check out Dean scented the air and he went from being stoned faced back to the terrified Omega Benny had found lying in the road. 

“Dean?” Dean shook his head and left the store as fast as he could. Benny scented the air. Alpha, testosterone, malice, anger, death, hatred, psychotic all hit his nose at once and he was on guard as he paid. 

Dean locked all the doors beside the one that was open behind him. The one that he could get into, lock, and drive away if need be. His eyes were trained on the front of the store as he sat and waited. Waited for him to come out of the store. And he did. All two hundred and fifty pounds of muscle and Alpha came out if the store and walked towards him. 

“#38, good to see you!” Dean glared, almost forgetting the fear as it was replaced by raw anger. “I wouldn’t if I were you. We both know who would win this fight.” Dean just stood his ground, saying nothing as the shorter man store him down, but he was unwavering. 

“W-W-What d-d-do y-y-you w-want?” Though his stutter made it sound slightly less intimidating, the words came out from low in his throat. 

“For you to get in the car,” Dean shook his head and went to get into the car but he found hands on him and he was airborne. He smacked against the side of someone else’s car and he groaned. Azazel walked over to him and hauled him off the ground. “Don’t try anything, Dean… You mated.” A growl tore out of his throat and he punched Dean hard in the face before dropping him and going to kick him. Dean rolled out of the way and went for the knees and Azazel fell, but not before he grabbed Dean and rolled on top of him. Punch after punch, claw after claw, kick after kick and soon Dean was screaming. 

Then he watched as a steel toed boot hit Azazel in the jaw, blood blossoming from his mouth, then Azazel was hauled off the ground and slammed into the side of the car where Benny punched as hard as he could. 

“Dean? Sweetheart you okay?” Dean tried to form words but couldn’t and let out a small sob. Benny growled and pretty soon there was blood splatter on the windows, cracks from where Azazel's head he’d been repeatedly slammed before he tossed him away and began to apply pressure to his skull. Benny’s eyes were wild, he was bearing his teeth and snarling as he began to put weight down on his foot. Azazel started screaming in agony as he felt the bones in skull crunching, slowly but surely. With one hard stomp of his heel Azazel head was crushed, bone shards and brain matter cascaded outward and Benny’s foot sunk in. He was breathing hard and he looked to see Jody Mills, mouth open in shock, hand on her gun. 

“Benny…” He stepped away and rushed to Dean, who’s eye was swollen shut, claw marks littered his cheeks, bruises around his neck. Tears fell from his eyes and as he tried to move he let out a holler as Benny accidently pressed against his side. 

“Dean… Oh god… Dean… no, no… I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you. I’m a bad Alpha.” 

“Okay… I need you both to come down to the station.” She looked at Dean who was holding his side. She saw the mark on his neck and the one Benny’s bicep and she made a mental note. He was protecting his mate. Any court would see that. So there’s no reason to charge him with anything. “Are you okay, Dean?” He shook his head and leaned against Benny. More than one person had stopped to watch the grizzly spectacle the parking lot fight had turned into. Benny had blood all over his boots and hands, blood had splattered his face. Their car had head sized cracks with blood and hair stuck in the spider web lines across the glass. It was like a scene out of one of those dramas you see on TV. Blood, death, in the name of your mate who got attacked by a no name Alpha. The only difference was this Alpha had a name. And Dean said it out loud for them both to hear. 

“H-H-His n-n-name w-w-was A-A-Azazel.” Jody nodded and took them both down to the station. Missouri arrived and looked at Dean and began working immediately. She gave him couple of Percocet and patted his cheek as she looked at his bruised eye. 

“Broken cheek bone, cracked ribs,” she palpated his abdomen when she noticed some spotting around the middle of his boxers and he screamed loudly and that’s when blood rushed out of him, costing his thighs and seeping through his boxers. Another cramp hit and he screamed, more blood soaking out. Benny looked absolutely destroyed. “And a dead pup…” She turned to the officers and the two FBI agents that were still in town investigating the deaths. “Benny was well within his rights to kill that man. He harmed his mate, who, unknowingly to them, was with pup. The pup died, I just opened the cervix so the body could abort it without infection. Within constitutional rights Benny is a free man. Now run along!” She snapped, Jody told them to scram and Castiel and Crowley were left looking at Dean. The scars, the brand. They knew, boy did they know, but they couldn’t touch him. Couldn’t question him. Not yet. Because mentally and physically speaking he was in no ways able to make any form of a statement. But shocked all of them when he opened his mouth. Explaining who that man was and why he had attacked Dean. And finally, with a deep shuttering breath he spoke the truth. 

“V-V-Victor H-H-Henriksen w-w-was t-t-the m-m-man w-w-who a-abducted m-m-me.” He requested a notepad and they gave it him and he began to right. 

'For ten years he held me in his mansion in a tiny room with a filthy mattress. For ten years I was forced to have sex, to suck knot, and was beaten, tortured, mutilated, burned, cut, stabbed until I was compliment. I had knots ripped out of me. And then there was the contraption.’ And he showed them circular nail like scars around his lower abdomen. 

'ThoughtI couldn’t have pups for the longest time because of it. And then I escaped. I killed two people to do it. The man who tried to kill me a couple weeks ago, his name was Alastair. He was Victor’s head torturer.   
It wasn’t just sex, and torture… he murdered people in cold blood. I saw it happen. He would kill Omegas and Betas if they screamed and cried too much. Only reason I survived was because I was good at my job. I did what I had to do to survive. 

They shoved all sorts of drugs down my throat. Benzodiazepines, OMGHE1, Heroin and Dilaudid right into my veins. Keep me submissive. Keep me sated.' 

And he went on, writing as much as he could, showing them the scars and burns. He felt possessed. Loosing the pup had been the last straw. Loosing his pup. A little brother or sister for Aiden. He and Benny had created a life and Victor had taken it. That wouldn’t stand. He wasn’t afraid anymore. He wasn’t scared and hiding. He was beyond done. Beyond tired. Beyond sad. He was angry. So angry that he was shaking. They all gasped, besides Benny, when they saw the acid burn on his right leg. Missouri explained how she had treated the wounds from him being whipped. By the end Dean was in tears as he looked to them for help.

“C-C-Call B-B-Bela T-T-Talbot… S-S-She c-c-can a-a-also m-m-make a-a-a s-s-statement.” Dena finished talking, letting every ounce of pain flood to the surface and he just began sobbing. Sobbing quietly into his hands until Benny wrapped his arms around Dean. Kissing him softly and pulling as close as he could. 

“You’re so brave dumplin’,” Benny whispered in his ear, kissing his hair.

* * *

 

Ellen and Aiden were unaware of what was happening with Dean and Benny. They just walked around town. Stopping at various stores (not that there were many) and settling on getting lunch. They ate in silence, really just enjoying each other’s company until a scent came into the restaurant. It was death. Aiden whipped his head up and saw a man standing there. He was tall. He leaked arrogance, sophistication, anger and death. It made Aiden’s lips curl in disgust and the man eyed him. 

Ellen turned to look at him and her hair stood up. This man was bad. She didn’t want to know his name. Didn’t want to find out who he was. Yet it was just their luck that he walked over to the table. 

“Hello,” his smiled was entirely too friendly. Entirely too forced if you asked Ellen. But she smiled back. 

“Hiya,” she said. 

“I have never seen you two around here.” 

“We’re visiting, heard this place is beautiful during the summer and fall.” She responded, 

“It truly is. Well, welcome to Jackman, I’m Victor.” Begrudgingly, though not letting it show, she shook his hand. 

“Ellen,” 

“And who’s this?” 

“Nope… nope, nope, nope.” Aiden said as he rose to his feet. “Gotta go, go, go. Yep, gotta leave. Ellen, gotta leave.” She nodded and walked to the counter and paid before walking to the door. 

“Sorry!” She called before they got in the car and she took off without either of them buckling. She didn’t like what just happened. Didn’t like the way he was looking at Aiden. It was predatory and her instincts were screaming for them to get out of there. So she gunned it back to the house, got them inside before going around and locking the windows and doors and drawing the blinds. Aiden looked very shaken up. 

“You okay?” 

“No, no I am not. No, no, no. Mhm, no.” He said as he ran to his room. “Gonna sleep. He can’t hurt me if I am asleep.”

“Who can’t hurt you?” 

“That man, he’s mean. Very mean. I don’t like him. He smelled bad. Very bad. Yep.” Ellen nodded, 

“Alright, get some rest.” He nodded and she watched as he slammed the door to his room before taking out her phone. 

“Benny?” 

“Ellen, right now is not a good time.” 

“We were at lunch and a man showed up. He really scared Aiden. Son of bitch had me itching to shoot. Said his name was Victor. Second you can get home you come.” She heard Benny curse. 

“Alright, we’re coming. If Victor shows up at that house you shoot first. He’s the one who abducted Dean.” Benny said in a low voice Ellen growled. “We’re leaving now.” 

* * *

 

She waited, and waited. Fifteen minutes seemed like an hour when finally she heard… well not their car. Benny called and said it was indeed them and she opened the doors and sighed. Then she grimaced when she saw Dean. 

“Jesus lord, the hell happened?!” Dean shook his head and trudged upstairs to shower and Benny went for Aiden. A woman came in, she was a Sheriff. 

“I’m Sheriff Jody Mills,” Ellen shook her hand. 

“Ellen Harvelle, mind explaining the hell happened to that boy?” 

“Can’t do that.” She said, so she and Ellen stood in uncomfortable silence as they waited for things to calm down. And it took a very long time. Dean refused to leave the bedroom and Aiden was asleep. 

“Here, have someone drive my car back.” Benny said handing her the keys, Jody nodded and set out. 

“Be-“ 

“Not now. We lost a lot today. Just… not right now,” he said before walking upstairs.

* * *

 

Dean was lying in bed, hand on his abdomen, silent tears falling from his eyes. They had lost a pup. Because he was too stubborn to not get in the car the minute he saw Azazel. This was his fault. It was always his fault. 

“Dean,” Benny walked into the room and Dean rolled away from him. “Cher, please.” 

“I-I-It’s m-m-my f-f-fault.” Dean said, Benny growled in frustration and sat Dean up before shaking his shoulders lightly. 

“This is not your fault, damn it Dean!” Tears pricked his eyes. “I knew, somewhere in the back of my mind that you were with pup and I left you alone. The pup is dead because of me. Azazel got to you because of me!” He stood and began pacing, Dean just starting at him with wide eyes. “This is my fault… you miscarried because of me… I’m sorry. Please forgive me.” Benny hung his head as deep sobs escaped him. He’d never really seen Benny cry. Maybe shed a few tears here or there but never cry. But now that Benny was breaking down, Dean realized a very important thing that he had been overlooking. Benny was just human. Sure, he had the patience and breaking point of a saint but at the end of the day he was still human. And at the end of the day he still was left picking up piece after piece of Dean. 

“I-I-It i-i-isn’t y-y-your f-f-fault, B-B-Ben.” 

“Yes it is…” Silver tears were being highlighted by the sun drifting through the windows. “This… I’m a bad Alpha. Can’t protect my mate or pup. God forbid someone went after Aiden. I would just let him down too. I’m a disgrace.” Dean shook his head. 

“S-S-Shut u-u-up,” he says. “Y-Y-You a-a-are n-n-not.” Dean pulled Benny into a hug and kissed at the tears that fell from his eyes before kissing his lips softly. “W-W-We’ll g-g-get t-t-through t-t-this.” Dean whispered. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... Please forgive me? Or not? It's up to you. Next chapter should be up mid next week. 
> 
> Hope you guys enjoyed, as always, let me know what you think.


	13. Update 2.0

Okay, I have been extremely sick, I have the next chapter written I just haven't the energy to edit it. I almost ended up in the hospital twice because they thought I had pneumonia. I just wanted to let you guys know what's going on. 

It's been a rough since last Thursday and I keep cycling between getting better and it getting a lot worse. So I am not sure when the next chapter is going to be up, I just needed to get this out to you guys and let you know what's going on. 

There's still a small chance that I may end up in the hospital if my symptoms don't clear by the end of the week. But fear not, I have not forgotten about this story and I'm trying to do a little bit of editring every day. (Edditing a ten thousand word chapter is very hard when you have a fever) 

So, yeah, just wanted you guys to know what's going on. 

Yours truly, 

~ Lazarus163


	14. Close To Giving Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Please stop!” He was cut with the knife and he bit back a scream, Victor went to slide into him but the sound of a gun being cocked and footsteps were heard. 
> 
> “Hands up!” Victor stilled, the knife was still pressed against Dean’s throat but he wouldn’t have the chance to cut it before a bullet would be imbedded in his skull. Victor raised his hands and he was pulled off Dean who was sobbing on the ground. Victor’s pants were pulled up, a piece of his scrotum getting torn off as his zipper was forced up causing him to curse. 
> 
> “You are under arrest for the murders of Pamela Barnes, Kevin Tran, and eight unnamed Omegas. You are under arrest for human trafficking, rape, drug trafficking and dealing. You are under arrest for suspicion of mass-possession of cocaine, heroin, and dilaudid along with Percocet and Vicodin, and Marijuana. 
> 
> You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney, and have an attorney present during any questioning.” Then, he was loaded into the back of the black car where one of the FBI officers stood waiting to close the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *sighs* okay, so, ONE OF THE MEDS I WAS TAKING SENT ME INTO A FULL BLOWN MANIC EPISODE!!!!!!!!! It was horrible. I'm still manic. 
> 
> Physically I am better for the most part. I still feel kinda crappy but I can focus and breathe again (thank Chuck) and I finished editing this chapter today. (Manic energy helps) 
> 
> Things I have learned in the last week... Explaining Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics to one of your friends is really hard and APPARENTLY makes them slightly uncomfortable (we're chill now) and they stop talking to you for two days.

The next month Dean spent recovering from what had happened. Missouri was shocked that he didn’t have internal bleeding. Aiden and Ellen had tried to help as best they could but Dean tried to keep to himself. Benny still blamed himself. Still cried at night. Hell, sometimes during the day. When no one besides Dean was looking or could hear, that’s when Benny would cry. But of course, the man cared more about other people. Cared more about Dean than to burden him with problems that probably would seem insignificant. But they weren’t.

Feeling that hopeless, loosing a pup, those were big things, especially to true mates. Benny was already a feel your feelings kind of guy (whether he bottled his own or not) so he was grieving. And the Alpha in him hated him for not being able to protect Dean just a little sooner. Hated himself for letting such harm come to his own mate. The groceries had been forgotten of course. Ellen had went to the store, Jody ended up having to stay out front of the store, making sure no one looked to suspicious. FBI, now being completely involved in their daily lives, wanted them to be under watch at almost all hours they were out of the house. Apparently the words drug lord were heard. A knock at the front door pulled Dean from his thoughts and when he answered Bela stood on the other side. 

“I need you to come to the station with me while I give my statement.” He nodded and followed her out. 

* * *

 

“Time 11:37am, day July 22nd, 2017. Bela Talbot,” Castiel said when he started the recorder and she began speaking. About how she ended up there, what she had to do to get out. 

“I… I was terrified to come forward. I’m also twisted. I take designer scent blockers so all I smell is human, not like Beta or anything else. I opened my practice here in case someone like Dean came along. He’s cruel,” she lifted her shirt and turned, showing a mural of scars. “I never stopped fighting…” she showed him the brand. Castiel nodded and began taking pictures of her back and every other wound she showed him. 

“There are wounds I don’t feel comfortable showing to an Alpha…” She said, he just nodded and set the camera down. 

“What you did was brave.” He said, 

“Are me and Dean facing jail time for killing?” She asked in a hushed voice, 

“No. Not at all. With every law set in place, you both were well within your rights to kill those men. The worst charge, if there ever were one, would be forty eight hours of volunteer work, and that wouldn’t even happen. Okay, Dean, I need to take pictures of your scars and-“ 

“N-N-No… N-N-Not tt-t-today.I-I-In a-a-a f-f-few d-d-days.” Castiel nodded and they went on their way. They didn’t have “enough” evidence apparently. Not as of yet. Victor hadn’t even been questioned. No, they just let him roam free. Apparently he was a regular at the small diners and restaurants in town. Enjoying the “small town life”. Dean had scoffed. He didn’t do small town. He was hunting. When he wasn’t in Jackman he was hunting. The way Ellen had said he looked at Aiden made his blood boil. Bela looked at him. 

“Are you okay?” Dean shook his head and got in her car and she set out, bringing him home. As they crossed a section of woods he noticed something. He made her stop the car and got our, rushing over to the clearing. Death. Decaying flesh hit his senses. He almost puked. He followed it until he was facing… bodies. Four of them. The worst was of a teenage girl. She had a brand on her, hard to make out as greyish-blue flesh crawled over the old burn. Her body was bloated from the hot sun and the smell. The smell had Dean puking. The other three… the other three had gunshot wounds to the head. Heads busted open in different places, blood, brain matter, and skull fragments littered the ground. How had no one noticed this? How had no one noticed the overwhelming stench of death and decay? His stomach emptied more when her stomach cavity burst open. Bela called the police and Dean just knelt there looking at the bodies. 

This was beyond deliberate. This was two and a half miles from his home. Jody and both FBI agents walked up, Jody placing a comforting hand on Dean’s shoulder while Castiel and Crowley looked at the bodies. Dean felt so sick. He felt more than targeted. He was being singled out to a new extreme. 

“Let’s get you home, alright?” Dean managed a nod, looking at Bela who sighed. 

“I’m gonna stay, you get home.” Dean just nodded and followed Jody to her car and sat down, completely silent. 

“Dean… How are you holding up?” He scoffed, 

“H-H-How t-t-the h-h-hell d-d-do y-y-you t-t-think?” He bit out, 

“No need to be nasty… I can’t imagine how stressful this is for you.” 

“W-W-Well,” is all he said. As they pulled up to the house he noticed one thing out of place. A car. A beautiful, black and steel car. He jumped out and walked over and opened the door, smelling the leather, the faint smell of cigarettes. Where he and Sam’s initials were carved into the side. It was the Impala. His Impala. 

“Let me go tell Benny what’s going on.” Dean just nodded as he looked at the car. Who had gotten it here? Sam wasn’t supposed to be coming, Benny would have said something. He would have right? He didn’t seem to care. He sat behind the steering wheel and made noises with his mouth, a small smile forming on his face. The car smelt like home. Like family. He envisioned a car seat in the middle of the back seat, a pup with his hair and Benny’s beautiful blue eyes, freckles and Benny’s nose. 

He sighed and stepped out, regretting for the upteenth time not getting in the car when he had the chance. His hand traced his abdomen. Wishing one day there would be pup in there. But a large part of him told him they had enough with Aiden. So he sighed, a very rueful smile on his lips. Maybe certain things weren’t meant to be. Not yet at least.

Not with everything that was going on.  
It was not a good position to bring a pup into anyway. He walked into the house and heard a few low voices. One belonging to Ellen, the other Jody and one to… Sam. Well he’d be damned. He walked into the kitchen and pulled Sam into a long hug. 

“W-W-What a-a-are y-y-you d-d-doing h-h-here?” 

“Brought the Impala for you. Me and Ellen are heading out tomorrow morning.” Dean nodded and looked around. 

“W-w-where's B-B-Benny?” 

“At the bar.” Ellen said, Dean shook his head. 

* * *

 

“L-L-Let’s g-g-go d-d-drunky.” Dean said, Benny pulled away from him. 

“'m not goin’ anywhere, Deeeean.” He slurred, “jist gon stay here 'nd drin',” Dean rolled his eyes and pulled out some money and paid for Benny’s drinks before pulling him out of the bar. 

“G-G-Get i-i-in t-t-the c-c-car,” Dean said. Benny shook his head and stumbled forward. 

“Nah, just gon' go drink more.” He was swaying, 

“B-B-Bear, p-p-please.” 

“No!” Benny yelled, “I don’t gotta do nothin',” he pouted and Dean sighed before Ellen stepped out of the car and settled a glare. 

“I’m saying this and I’m only saying it once. Dean found bodies today. Four of 'em. He needs you home right now. So whatever is pushing you to drink burry it until tonight, let’s go Dean.” Dean nodded and got in the car and Benny slid in next to him, resting his head against Dean’s shoulder. 

“I’m sorry, Dean,” he cried drunkenly. Dean just kissed his lips softly. 

“I-I-It’s okay.” Dean was startled by what had just happened. He said a word without stuttering, as he looked at Benny he noticed wide eyes from him and then saw a bright smile on Ellen’s face. He shook his head and focused on his extremely intoxicated mate who was now fussing over him. 

“You said a word!” He laughed, hugging Benny tightly. 

“I did,” he was floored. Absolutely floored. He didn’t know how long this would last but he was going to make use of it. He could talk without a stutter. That was a giant step. Maybe, just maybe, this would be permanent. But he focused on the problem at hand. He had known Benny had been struggling with what had been going on for the last month. But he didn’t know how deeply. Not until today. And he had taken Benny for granted. Held him to this… this expectation that he was flawless. That he didn’t cry much. And he was mad at himself for it. Again, he realized the mistake, the very important thing he had been overlooking, Benny was human. Benny still felt. Still hurt. Still cried. He wasn’t some superhero who didn’t feel emotional pain. 

Because he did. And he very well may have experienced more acutely than others. It broke his heart to see him in such a bad a way. He’d never seen Benny drunk, probably never wanted to. As they neared the house Benny looked solemn. Dean sighed, rubbing his hand up and down Benny’s back. He had to practically carry Benny into the house and up the stairs where he rushed to the bathroom and began emptying his stomach. Dean just watched, on some level he was angry. 

Angry that Benny decided that this was the way to cope instead of talking things out. Angry that he was dealing with it the way he was. Dean wanted to be there for him. He could feel Benny’s despair, his sorrow. And he didn’t like that. He wanted to be able to help. But… Benny was stubborn. He rarely opened up now besides crying. He’d cry but not say a word. He was taking this harder than Dean. Maybe because he had lost a pup not too long ago. Dean may have believed he was over that. Very well believed so actually. But he was dumb to think that. Dumb. A word he often used to describe himself. It was the truth after all. 

He was a dumb, bad, Omega. He left his mate to his grief because he was too busy dealing with his own, but in truth they should have been mourning together. They really should have. But they hadn’t. They were dealing in different ways. Dean took to cleaning and reading to keep his mind off it. And apparently Benny was drinking. There was a talk to be had. 

“’m sorry,” Benny said as he puked again.

“Shouldn’t have done this. Was weak.” 

“You’re n-not w-weak.” A whole word that wasn’t stammered out. 

“I used to be an alcoholic. I am weak. Couldn’t protect you. Couldn’t protect the pup.” Aiden came into the bathroom. 

“Guys, uh,” he seemed spooked. “There’s something you need to see,” he nodded to himself and walked out. Dean and Benny followed him and on the front porch there was a bouquet of black roses with a card. It was for Dean. 

'My dearest Dean, 

You have killed Alastair, your mate killed Azazel. As you well know, they were my two best and most valuable assets. When black roses began being grown in Turkey, they were often sent as death threats… but that is not why I am sending them. I find them incredibly beautiful, having a distinct smell.   
I hope this doesn’t inconvenience you and that they find you well. 

Yours Truly,   
  


Victor'

Dean set them down on the counter, reading and rereading the note. He really didn’t know what to do. How to process. Didn’t really believe that he would be this bold. Calling him was one thing. Mailing him something was worse. Because they could track it. No flower delivery went up this far north. This… this was sent from Victor’s home. In his hand writing. 

“Dean?” Sam asked, Dean just handed the note to him and walked away. He found himself in the study, which was rarely used outside of paying bills. He sat on the couch in there and breathed deeply. It smelled like Benny in there. It was permeated with him. And it was calming. So he closed his eyes and breathed in deeply. Ellen was the one who came in, not Benny, not Sam, his very concerned mother (she really was like his mom) and sat next to him. 

“Why haven’t the police done anything? Why haven’t the FBI?” 

“They need more evidence…” Dean sighed, he made a sentence without a single stutter, that was an accomplishment. That meant the medicine and the therapy was working. 

“They don’t need shit. You have scars, Bela has scars, you carry a brand. He sending you flowers. He’s calling you. He tried to have you killed!” 

“That’s… That’s not how it works.” He whispered, “if that’s how it worked he’d be behind bars.” 

“Dean, he needs to be behind bars. Benny’s not comfortable with you leaving the house by yourself, neither am I quite frankly.” She grasped his hand and looked into his eyes. “He did horrible things to you. He’s dumping bodies not even three miles from here. He’s gunning for ya, that’s enough evidence. They have scars. They have what he looks like. They have bodies being found with same calling card. The branding. How is that not enough?” Dean just shook his head and rested it against her shoulder. She pulled him into a hug. 

“I don’t know anymore.” He whispered. “I just want it to stop. I just want it to stop…” Ellen nodded, 

“I know, kid.” 

* * *

 

Dean laid in bed that night, Benny next to him. Dean rolled over and looked at him. 

“What?” He asked with a smile, 

“Just thinking,” Dean said as he leaned in to kiss him. He rolled on top of Benny and deepened the kiss. He straddling his hips he began moving on top of him, rutting down against him and swaying his hips. Benny groaned softly. 

“Dumplin’,” he gasped when Dean slid a little further down and began to rut his own cock against Benny’s. Benny held his hips as Dean began thrust faster. Benny moaned when Dean cursed. 

“Not… I’m not gonna last long, Bear.” Dean gasped. He rolled off Benny quickly and removed both their boxers and sunk down onto him, Benny letting go of a long string of curses and Dean moaned as Benny bucked up, burying deep inside him, hitting a spot he didn’t even know was there. Benny was huge. He stretched Dean just right, made him feel full, not an inch of space unoccupied by his thick cock. Slick poured out of him and he began to raise his hips and then fall back down, Benny’s hands resting on his hips.   
“So good… promise not to knot me…” Dean gasped when his mate started meeting his thrusts. 

“Of course, sweetheart.” Benny’s eyes were hooded, pupils blown with lust, and he was panting. He moaned when Dean clenched around him, rutting into him, trying to sink deeper. He stroked Dean’s cock, Dean throwing his head back in a soft whine. “You gonna cum?” Dean nodded and started moving faster, wanting Benny to finish with him. “Dean… oh god…” Benny body seized as he came, pumping hot spurts inside Dean. With one more stroke of his hand Dean came undone, eyes snapping shut as Benny helped him ride out his release. He slid off Benny and collapsed next to him. He looked at Benny, staring into those blue eyes that tool his breath away. Those blue eyes that seemed to make his heart swell. The face that he loved waking up to in the morning. The face of the man he was in love with. And he spoke those words. Letting Benny know that he indeed loved him back. 

“I love you, Bear.” Benny smiled and ran his hand up Dean’s side, cupping his cheek and kissing him softly. 

“I love you.” 

* * *

 

The next day, Dean said goodbye to Sam and Ellen, hugging them both tightly and making them promise to visit. 

“You know we will.” Sam said, 

“Next time I’m gonna bring Bobby up, he wasn’t to happy he couldn’t come this time around.”

“Have Aiden come out here, wanna say by to my nephew.” Sam said, he was happy he was an uncle. Same as Dean was when he found he was gonna be an uncle. He called for Aiden who came out and pulled Sam into a hug. They had known each other for a day and he and Sam had bonded. Having a lot of the same interests in books, TV shows and movies. Then he pulled Ellen into a hug and spoke. 

“You’re the best grandma ever.” Ellen smiled and squeezed his shoulders. 

“Then I expect you to call me and tell me how you are,” he smiled and nodded. 

“Alright, we gotta head out.” Ellen said, with that they left. Benny was on shift that day so it was just Dean and Aiden. Dean got in the habit of locking the doors and windows when they were alone. He didn’t want a repeat of Alastair and God forbid Azazel. He didn’t want that to happen ever again. Especially now that he was a dad. And Aiden started calling him Dad. And Benny Papa. It was a milestone and it was amazing. Amazing that Aiden viewed them as such. He loved the kid with his entire heart. 

“W-What do you wanna do today?” Dean asked him, Aiden pursed his lips for a minute before speaking. 

“Watch movies,” Dean nodded, “yep, that’s what I wanna do. LOTR,” Dean smiled and they went into the living room and Dean put in the first movie. By the time it was over Aiden was asleep. Kid napped more than anyone Dean had ever met. He stood and walked into the kitchen, grabbing leftover Beef Stroganoff and put into a bowl before walking over to the microwave, placing it in. He closed the door and started the cooking time. 

For a second he pondered on what to do with everything. He looked at the roses and grabbed them before throwing them in the trash. That was enough of that. He didn’t need them. Didn’t want them in the house. But throwing them away felt almost freeing. Hell, if he had it his way he would have burned them but Benny started hiding anything he could use to hurt himself after he had tried to commit suicide. And he didn’t blame him. A few times over the last month Dean had felt pretty low. Pretty much out of options. But Benny had stuck to what he had said at the hospital. That every time Dean started slipping he was going to pull him back. And he did. Every single time Dean had doubts. Every time he said he wanted to die. Every time Benny wouldn’t have it. Would prove to Dean that there was more to this. More beyond it. Like pups. Pups is something Dean wanted. Then there was Aiden. 

The boy that Benny may have done some illegal things to adopt (bribing the Foster family) Aiden so fast. And he was okay with that. They were a family. Another point Benny made. How it would affect Aiden if he lost Dean. How it would affect Benny himself. Another was showing him the beauty he would miss. Making him look at the pictures Jess posted to Facebook of little John with their dog. Taking walks with him. Benny, even when he was dealing with his own shit, still cared enough about Dean to give him every reason to live and more.

He pulled his food out of the microwave and grabbed a fork before sitting at the island. He ate while he looked through Reddit, an app Aiden had showed him. Dean decided he liked memes. He was more afraid of Facebook than he was Reddit. Because Victor would harass him. Because who the hell knows who else would find him. So he shied away from it. Only seeing things from Benny’s. 

Now he thought of more pressing things on his mind. He wanted pups. Really wanted pups. But with everything going on it wasn’t a good idea. But he wanted it. Not really just wanted, he needed it. His body was telling him he needed it. Every time he looked at Aiden his body spoke to him. Screaming for him to have pups. _BreedBreedBreed_. And he wanted to. He wanted Benny to make him fat with pups.  

And that was a thought he never thought he’d have. But that’s what he wanted. His next heat wasn’t for another month. He needed to talk to Benny. But sighed, again remembering that the time was not right. Not for pups. He groaned and ate a bite of the Stroganoff. He hated how his body screamed at him for this. Made him crave it. He didn’t like feeling like this. He had to remember that they had Aiden. Aiden… he needed a lot. Bela, off hand, had evaluated him. And he was behind. He still kind of acted like an eight years old at age thirteen… had the body and looks of a mature adult. It was dangerous. Dangerous in ways that Dean didn’t want to think about. There was therapy for shit like that, but… Aiden was afraid. He understood words. Intellectually he was thirteen but had the easy trust of an eight year old by what Bela had told him. Meaning he could get talked into mating at this young. Get whisked away by someone like Victor. There was a large disconnect in certain ways. His trust, the way he talked, the way he acted when he was upset. They were all behavior’s of someone much younger than him. But his reading level, his academic skills just by how he could do math in his head was that compared to a senior in high school.

It concerned Dean to no end. He had the right mind not to even stay in the restaurant with Victor those weeks ago… but what if it were some other Alpha with horrible intentions that were able to mask them? Dean feared for him because the world was not kind to Omegas. Sex trafficking, arranged marriages to deranged Alphas who abused them, abusive relationships either way because Omegas are weak after all. Some, like Dean, got blessed with an Alpha's build, but Aiden wasn’t lucky. He was what a male Omega should be. Smaller, more feminine, softer muscle tone, wide hips. And male Omegas were considered rare. Maybe fifty cases every year of them being born. Decreasing every year it seemed. He shook his head.   
Aiden would get into trouble if he wasn’t careful. And Dean would try like hell to make sure that kid got the help and smarts he needed. Aiden… he also had nightmares. Horrible night terrors that would leave him so shaken he’d crawl in bed with Dean and Benny. Neither of them minded, especially not Dean, because he understood how that felt. Benny had ended up with a split lip one of those times because he had tried to wake him up. Aiden had cried after, saying he should leave. That had broken Dean’s heart. 

“Dad…” Dean looked up to see Aiden standing in the doorway, tears in his eyes. “I need help…” He was in heat. Dean didn’t know what to do or how to help. He was shaking, he was leaking slick through his jeans. “I need…” 

“I’m gonna c-call Missouri okay?” He nodded and tried to move from the kitchen but couldn’t. He fell to his knees as his fever took over and he began sobbing. 

“Need knot,” he begged. “Need, need, need!” Dean called Missouri and she was there in fifteen minutes. 

“I got him a toy, boy, get to your room!” She said, leading him to his bedroom where she closed the door. “You did a good thing calling me. Adopted dad or not he would have been all over Benny the second he walked through that door.” That thought made Dean bristle, but he quickly calmed down. Aiden was in heat. He really didn’t have control over his actions. 

“Thanks so much for coming,” Dean said. 

“No problem! It is so good to hear your voice clearly, child. I’m so happy those meds are working!” 

“Its n-n-not just the meds, it’s t-the therapy too. I still stutter a l-l-little but it’s much better.” Dean smiled, 

“It’s amazing how far you’ve come, honey. You only got a little more ways to go before that son of bitch is behind bars,” she said.

“Now sit down, I need to talk to you about something with Benny.” Dean led her to the back porch and they sat down. “Dean… does your mate seem okay to you?” 

“Yes, why?” She sighed, 

“Lord help me for what I’m about to tell you.” She muttered, “I saw cuts and burns all over that man’s arms.” She said, “Dean, he was pretty broken when Andrea and the pup passed, but… Losing that pup with you. He’s taking it hard. Did you not notice?” Dean shook his head. 

“No… n-no, I didn’t.” He felt horrible. How the fuck hadn’t he noticed? 

“Don’t you dare start blaming yourself. Benny is struggling. It’s okay that you didn’t notice. You got enough going on right now.” 

* * *

 

“You need help, man.” Pam said as she looked at him. They were both on break and he just shook his head. 

“Can’t. Dean and Aiden need my help, an-“ 

“Maybe that’s your problem?” she suggested, “you give and give and help and help and never take a fucking moment for yourself. You gotta. Regardless of how much help they need, what about you? What do you need?” He let go of a small growl, 

“Do not tell me to stop caring about either of them,” 

“I’m not telling you to do that!” She said loudly, shutting Benny up. “I am telling you that maybe you need to think about you sometimes, alright? Don’t start any of that Alpha bullshit with me, you know I don’t deal with it.” Benny sighed, 

“Maybe you’re right…” he whispered, “just been a long few weeks, you know?” 

“You mean months?” She questioned, “Dean has been with you three months, and then you guys adopted a month ago. You have taken on so much of other people’s crap that you haven’t focused on you. You are important Benny. You need to realize that, otherwise you’re gonna start drowning.” He just nodded and ate his burger. He scented the air, that same smell the accompanied Victor wafted in and Benny let go of a low growl. 

“What’s wrong?” 

“Victor,” is all he said. 

“Mmm… Smells like angry Alpha in here. That wouldn’t be you, Benny Lafitte?” Benny turned to look at him and snarled. 

“I’ve got nothing to say to you, you son of a bitch.”

“No need to be rude, now.” He smiled a cruel smile, “how is Dean? Did he like the roses?” Benny stood and approached him. 

“Listen here and listen good. If you touch him. Go near him. Call him, ever again, _I will kill you_ , understand me?” Victor went stone faced for a moment before smiling. 

“Whatever do you mean? Dean is just an old friend,” he wouldn’t cause a scene. Not in the busiest restaurant in town. But the look on Benny’s face made him know that he had been caught on to, at least by Benny.

“You know exactly what I mean, podna.” Benny growled, Pam walked over and made Benny sit down before turning to Victor. 

“Leave,” she said. 

“Excuse me?” 

“I said leave. Lisa is at home, I am assistant manager, you are making other costumers uncomfortable. I want you gone or I call the cops.” 

“And you’re absolutely sure Benny isn’t the one causing them to leave?” He asked with a clam and almost charming voice. She shook her head and folded her arms across her chest before speaking the words carefully. 

“He doesn’t smell like death, sweetness.” Something flashed across Victor’s face. Raw anger. “Did I hit a nerve?” 

“You little bitch,” he growled. 

“You wanna have problems meet me the fuck outside. But right now, I gotta deal with the lunch rush, so if you’ll be so kind walk away before Benny tears your arm off.” 

“This isn’t over,” she smirked. 

“I guess it isn’t,” he leveled a glare before walking away. Benny was staring at her like she was insane. But he couldn’t tell her. Not because Dean wouldn’t want him, but because this was now a federal investigation. But he had to warn her how violent he was. 

“Pam, listen to me.” Benny said when she sat back down, 

“What?” 

“Victor is a very dangerous man. He… god… he’s the one who abducted Dean.” He mouthed, her eyes widened and then she nodded, her lips a thin line, eyes burning with anger. 

“Good thing I keep brass knuckles on me, huh?” He shook his head. 

* * *

 

Benny walked Pam to her car. 

“Are you gonna be okay?” He asked, she smiled and nodded, “good. See you tomorrow.” He walked off leaving her to look out into the dark parking lot. She grabbed her brass knuckles and slid them on when footsteps approached. 

“You’re really dumb,” she whipped around her fists connected with someone’s face, and down he went. She looked, he was a pretty big guy, now with a broken cheek bone. 

“No, I’m not. You’re dumb for pissing off Victor.” A knife was stabbed into her thigh before it was ripped out and stabbed into her stomach, she gasped and sunk to her knees.

“Now… how does she want to die?” He went to pull her you but she rose and punched him in the nose. She heard a loud crack but was forced against the all of the restaurant. 

“No...” She whispered, 

“Yes,” he said with a smile as he covered her mouth and ripped the knife out before gouging both her eyes out. Her screams were muffled by his hand, but they were loud whales of agony. He finally rammed the knife into her over and over, her screams starting to fade until finally the knife was driven through throat, pinning her to the wood by the neck and she went limp. He ripped the knife out before walking back to the black SUV. 

“You did good,” Victor said. 

“Thank you sir.” Victor took out a gun and handed it to him. 

“Now… you know what to do, right?” He nodded and was dropped off at the police station. He walked in and Jody looked at him. He was covered in blood. 

“Sir, are you okay?” 

“I killed Pamela Barnes,” he said before putting the gun to his head and pulling the trigger, the loud pop was accompanied by brain matter and blood splattering the wall behind him and he fell to the floor, the entire station falling silent after. 

* * *

 

Benny walked into the house and smelled Omega in heat. He knew it wasn’t Dean and sighed. Trudging up the stairs he stripped and got into the shower, hissing when the water aggravated a particularly bad burn on his forearm. He scrubbed away the day before going into the bedroom where he found Dean sitting. 

“So…” Dean said as he looked at the burns and cuts. “Wanna explain?” 

“Dean…” 

“I-I can’t h-h-help if I-I don’t know.” Apparently he stuttered in high stress situations, wonderful. 

“There’s nothing you can do.” Benny said in a low voice, 

“Bullshit,” Dean said. 

“I don’t know why you think that you can. You don’t understand.” 

“I don’t?” He asked in disbelief, “I d-d-don’t understand what i-i-it's like to wanna hurt myself?” 

“Dean, drop it,” Benny said as he went to change. 

“No, I’m not gonna.” 

“I said drop it!” Dean nodded and stood walking over to Benny. 

“I can’t. You. Are. Hurting. Yourself.” He punctuated, 

“Dean-“ 

“No, Benny. I don’t care if you scream, hit me, shove me. I-I-It don’t matter. L-L-Let me help you.” Benny sighed and sat down, Dean sinking down next to him. 

“I don’t know what to do. Dean, I was torn up when I lost Andrea and the pup… but now, since you miscarried, even though we didn’t know… it broke me.” Dean nodded and hugged Benny tightly. 

“I understand, Bear. I-I-I understand.” Because he did, because he wanted pups. What if that had been their one and only chance? 

“I feel like I failed. I know I failed. Failed my mate. Failed my pup. Against...” Dean saw the tears in his eyes. 

“W-W-We have a pup. Aiden.” Dean said looking into his eyes. “But… I also want more. I-I-I want little pups. Babies. I wanna carry a baby for nine months, you know?” Benny just nodded and kissed him. 

“I know… but I… not right now. It’s not the time, Hun.” Dean rested his head against Benny’s shoulder.

“I-I-I-“ Dean felt tears, Benny smelled his sadness. It was horrible. Because he wanted to give that to Dean. More than anything. But… they couldn’t. They were about to have a very vicious man arrested. Dean would likely have another miscarriage from the stress. Benny couldn’t risk that. 

* * *

 

The next day they learned of Pam’s murder. News anchors were wondering if he murder had been related to the bodies. Benny knew exactly what had transpired. Because of Victor’s altercation with her. He had done this. Benny felt the urge to go kill him. He was screwing with Dean’s head, killing Benny’s friends. This had to stop. Why haven’t the cops done something yet? Don’t they have enough evidence? Was this what made them put him away? He didn’t know. Didn’t really know how Dean would handle it either. But looking at his mate, Benny saw a mask of stoicism. It was calculating. 

“Dean?” 

“Yeah?” 

“Just… are you okay?” Dean shook his head and stood. 

“I-I-I don’t know.” Dean whispered, this was different. He had gone after a citizen of Jackman. Benny supplied that she had pissed him off. That he had tried telling him off… Benny was now in danger. Of course he was in danger. He had a target over his head the second he had hit Azazel. It was now bigger seeing as he had literally crushed Azazel’s skull with his boot. Chewed Victor out. This was bad. 

Dean just sighed. The bedroom door opened and Aiden walked out, naked and shaking. He smelled of cum and slick and walked to the kitchen. He grabbed chips and water and walked back to his room. Benny sighed. 

“We should get Missouri to come watch him. I need to get out of the house.” Dean nodded and they got a hold of Missouri who put everything on hold at the clinic and rushed over. 

“Now run along, I’ve got him.” 

* * *

 

The ended up at the diner in town, a waitress named Dot taking their orders before going into the kitchen. Dean was silent for the most part. Occasionally responding to Benny, but really just moving the ice around in his water, not paying attention to much else besides his own thoughts… then it hit him. Death. Pungent and heavy. There were undertones of something else he would never forget. Blood, black liquorish, and chemicals. Raw. Powerful. Almost burning his nose hairs. His back stiffened, the hair on his neck standing on their ends. It was him. He was there. 

“Hello, 38,” Dean gulped and looked up, 

“V-V-Victor…” Benny stood and Victor punched him and he went down. Dean caught the sight of brass knuckles and he froze. 

“There… we need to talk. Come with me.” Dean shook his head.

“N-N-No.” Victor slammed his head against the table and he screamed. 

“What was that?” Dean shut down, tears sprang to his eyes but he nodded. 

“Yes, sir.” He stood, Benny tried to grab Victor but he kicked Benny in the head and Benny fell back to the ground. Dean ended up outside, being pressed against Victor’s car. He gulped as he felt the knife against his throat. 

“Do you know what I do to unruly, Omegas?” 

“You hurt them, sir.” Dean’s voice was blank, monotone and held barely any volume as he spoke. 

“That’s the thing, I don’t! Alastair did!” He punched Dean hard with brass knuckles and Dean groaned when he felt a rib crack and his breath was forced from his body. “You know who else did, Dean?” 

“Azazel,” Dean managed when another hard blow hit his cheek. “Stop…” Dean whispered, 

“What was that?!” 

“Stop…” Dean said as he wet himself, beginning to shake. “Please stop.” 

“No! You. Are. Mine!” He punched Dean for each word until Dean was left with a throbbing headache and broken bones (so he thought at the time.) 

“Stop!” Dean managed to get away for a fraction of a second and ran, ran until a fist connected with back of his skull, he went down and he screamed in again. At least it wasn’t that hand with the brass knuckles. He rolled on his back and Victor pinned him. 

“Now… Be quiet.” They ended up behind the building. Dean managed one thing. He made the emergency call on his phone and just laid there as Victor began removing his clothes. “If you scream, you die.” Dean felt Victor’s cock pressing against him and he squirmed.

“After I take you, you are going back.” He growled in Dean’s ear. 

“Please stop!” He was cut with the knife and he bit back a scream, Victor went to slide into him but the sound of a gun being cocked and footsteps were heard. 

“Hands up!” Victor stilled, the knife was still pressed against Dean’s throat but he wouldn’t have the chance to cut it before a bullet would be imbedded in his skull. Victor raised his hands and he was pulled off Dean who was sobbing on the ground. Victor’s pants were pulled up, a piece of his scrotum getting torn off as his zipper was forced up causing him to curse. 

“You are under arrest for the murders of Pamela Barnes, Kevin Tran, and eight unnamed Omegas. You are under arrest for human trafficking, rape, drug trafficking and dealing. You are under arrest for suspicion of mass-possession of cocaine, heroin, and dilaudid along with Percocet and Vicodin, and Marijuana. 

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney, and have an attorney present during any questioning.” Then, he was loaded into the back of the black car where one of the FBI officers stood waiting to close the door.   
Dean sat up painfully and looked at the car. The last he saw as it drove off was Victor’s angry, cold, malicious glare. Dean sobbed in relief. 

“Dean!” Benny rushed to his side, he had a bloody nose and a large boot print on the side of his face but other than that he was okay. He was fucking okay. Unlike Dean at the moment who’s pants were around his ankles had bruises everywhere. 

“I’d get him home.” Castiel said, Dean nodded and stood with Benny’s help. 

_“Are you ready for your first client?” Azazel asked, Dean shook his head and in walked Victor. The door closed behind him and Dean gulped._

_“Hello, 38, it’s good to see you.”_

Dean puked at the memory, anxiety flooded him and he began to sob as Benny worked his pants back up. 

“Dean, look at me.” Dean shook his head and buried his head in the crook of Benny’s neck as he cried. Benny scooped him off the ground and walked to the car. Benny hung up Dean’s cellphone which was cracked and splintered beyond repair. He got Dean in the car, pressed the button on the key-fob and the car roared to life, the air conditioning blasting. They sat in the back seat as Dean clung on for dear life, snot and tears running down his face as deep sobs escaped him. 

“Dean… mon cherie, listen to me. Can you do that?” Dean shook his head. 

“N-No…” He wet himself again and sobbed louder. “Scared… I’m scared. Can’t breathe. Bear, can’t breathe!” 

“Listen to my voice, Dean, listen to my voice, okay?” Dean took a few deep breaths as he listened to Benny sing softly. 

_When the rain is blowing in your face_

_And the whole world is on your face_

_I could offer you a warm embrace_

_To make you feel my love_

_When the evening shadows and the stars appear_

_And there’s no one there to dry your tears_

_I could could hold you for a million years_

_To make you feel my love_

_I know you haven’t made your mind up yet_

_But I would never do you wrong_

_I’ve known it from the moment that we met_

_No doubt in my mind where you belong_

Benny’s voice was like honey. Dean would drown in it if he could. He claimed some. 

_I’d go hungry I’d go black and blue_

_I’d go crawling down the avenue_

_No, there’s nothing that I wouldn’t do_

_To make you feel my love_

_The storms are raging in the rolling see, and on the highway of regret_

_Though the winds of change are blowing wild and free_

_You ain’t seen nothing like me yet_

_I could make you happy make your dreams come true_

_Nothing that I wouldn’t do_

_Go to the ends of the Earth for you_

_To make you feel my love_

_To make you feel my love_

Benny finished and kissed the tear stains on Dean’s cheeks while cupping the sides of his face before kissing him softly on the lips. 

“He’s going to jail, Dean. It’s happening. It’s really happening.” Dean nodded, tears still falling from his eyes.

“L-L-Let’s g-g-go home.” He sobbed out.

* * *

 

Dean showered when they arrived back, then Missouri furiously checked him, making sure everything was okay. 

“Jesus lord the two of you boys broken ribs, broken cheek bones… He’s behind bars?” Benny and Dean nodded, “thank Christ.” They turned on the news to see what was being said. Story made headlines across the country.

“Forty Two year old Victor Henriksen was arrested today for the attempted murder of Omega, Dean Winchester, age Twenty Seven. Victor was an active member in the small community of Jackman but held a dark secret. He has been linked and charged with the murders of Pamela Barnes, Kevin Tran, and eight other unnamed Omegas. He is being held under suspicion for mass possession of Cocaine, Heroin, Dilaudid, Vicodin, Percocet and Marijuana, being charged indefinitely with human trafficking, and countless other charges.” He stopped and listened to something and spoke again.

“I have just been told the murder charges have been raised to Capitol Murder, a charge that hasn’t been seen since the late eighteen hundreds in Maine. Posted bail 6.2 million dollars. Other charges are rape, soliciting sex, physical, mental, and other forms of sexual abuse, torture, prostitution, genital mutilation-“ the charges went on and on. Dean held Benny’s hand as they watched. 

“Two residents of the small town have spoken out against Victor and the cruelties they faced while imprisoned. Bela Talbot spoke yesterday morning about what had happened to her when Victor kidnapped her. But the ground braking statement given by one Dean Winchester, a man who had been with Victor for ten years before escaping was heart breaking and earth shattering. A picture has been released to the public of one of the many horrors inflicted on him.” The pictures of Dean’s leg flashed on the screen and Dean almost puked. Benny wrapped his arms around Dean and kissed his head. 

“If this gets too much for you.” 

“I need to see this.” Dean said quickly before turning his attention back to the screen. 

“The pictures you are seeing are extremely graphic. Those are acid burns.” The woman sitting next to him looked violently disturbed by what she was seeing. “They were sent to us by FBI supervisor Rowena MacLeod. Her statement was recorded earlier today in the nation’s Capitol. 

“I’m deeply sickened by this. It’s wrong. It’s hurtful. And I would like to address Dean Winchester and his family directly. No matter what happens, even if he is not convicted of the murder charges. He will be in jail for the rest of his life. I want you all to rest easy. Victor Henriksen will never walk free again.”   
She sounds so certain, and we can only hope she’s right.” Dean let go of a jagged breath. 

“Dean?” Missouri looked at him. 

“Benny, why don’t you take Dean upstairs? I’mma make y’all some dinner.” Benny nodded and led Dean upstairs where he lay in bed. Dean began to cry. 

“Baby,” Benny whispered pulled Dean closer against him. 

“It’s o-o-over… i-i-it’s r-r-really over.” They were tears of pure relief, of joy. This was it. He was off the streets. No more Omegas would be harmed, abducted. No more Betas. No more. It was over. 

“It is,” Benny said as he smiled. “He can’t hurt you ever again.” Dean smiled and a small sob escaped him. Benny kissed him sweetly and mumbled against his lips. “It’s okay now. Dean, everything you been holding in, let it out.” And Dean did. Every ounce of anxiety. Every ounce of hatred and pain came out in long sobs. He would allow himself to cry. Not cry because he was frustrated or sad. He needed this. He wasn’t terrified. He was letting go. Letting go of everything he was too afraid to feel. How he loved Benny but was afraid to let the love consume him. His fear of all Alphas in general. Most had proven they would help not hurt. 

“It’s okay, sha. I got ya,” Benny whispered. Dean clung to him and scented his sternum, breathing in deeply. Benny didn’t smell like Alpha most of the time. He smelled like home. Like mate. Safety and family. Like love. If there was ever a smell for love, Benny Lafitte was it. Dean’s arm circled behind his neck and brought him closer. He wished some days he could just wrap himself in Benny’s scent , never letting it be washed away. He would never have another break down again if this is all he could smell all day every day. But then there were the little things about his scent that completed it for Dean. The smell of Alpha musk underneath it all if you really paid attention. Betas shampoo, some fancy ass body wash that left Benny smelling like spring time. The faintest smell of something Dean couldn’t identify… yes he could. Him. He lifted his head and looked into Benny’s eyes.

“Dean…” Benny breathed out. There was a shock that passed through the both of them. It was amazing. He had wondered why their mating hadn’t took in other ways. Yes they had felt closer but now… Dean shook with bonding and kissed Benny deeply. 

“I love you,” Dean whispered. 

* * *

 

Later that night Dean laid on the couch, head in Benny’s lap. It was quiet. Calm if he dared say. Calm was a word he thought had vanished from his vocabulary. Because every time there was a calm moment, besides a rare few, it would be shattered by some sort of insanity. But, for the last three hours, there had been no phone calls, no unexpected visits, no roses or bodies being found.   
No, the only thing there was was comfortable silence and the smell of happy mate coming from Benny. Dare he say it was perfect? He wasn’t willing to go that far but it was definitely close. Junk food, soda and an old movie staring Audrey Hepburn was the type of night Dean could get used to. Definitely something he could get used to. 

“Maybe we can start trying?” Dean wondered out loud, Benny looked down at him before pausing the movie. 

“Are you sure?” Benny asked, Dean sat up straighter and faced Benny head on. 

“I… I don’t know.” He said honestly. “Ben… I want pups. But at the same time…” 

“You’re waiting for the other shoe to drop?” Dean nodded, “your heat is next month. We have a month to talk. To decide what we do, okay? No need to rush into anything.” Dean just nodded and snuggled closer to him as the movie was unpaused. Dean had small memories of this movie. Breakfast at Tiffany’s. He had once watched this at a young age with him mom. 

Dean closed his eyes and nudged Benny with his nose, smiling softly as Benny’s arm tightened around him, pulling him closer. Dean's head rested on Benny’s chest, the small layer of pudge over the hard muscle creating a soft pillow. This man was his everything. His rock. His mate. His best friend. And he was Dean’s and only Dean’s. When the sound of a bedroom door opening sounded they both looked to see Aiden walking out and up to the shower. 

“I'll go clean up his room,” Dean said. Benny nodded as Dean stood. 

“Tonight… I wanna show you how much I love you.” Dean smiled and nodded before going into Aiden’s room. He stripped the bed and pillow cases, grabbed the fake knot and put them in the laundry before soaking the fake knot in bleach. He waited, and waited, before taking it out and washing it off. He then grabbed the extra pillow cases and bedding, walking down the stairs and into Aiden’s room he flipped the mattress. He put the bottom sheet, then the top, followed by the comforters and pillows, before finally spraying the room with air freshener and opening the windows. 

Dean walked out to the living room and sat next to Benny. Aiden emerged from the shower a little later, looking better. He then raided the fridge and sat at the counter, eating and drinking as much as his stomach could hold. 

“I forgot to eat enough. Really thirty. Thirsty, thirsty.” Dean walked into the kitchen and sat next to him. 

“Your heat ended pretty fast.” 

“They don’t last long. But they hit hard. Yes they do.” He said as he munched on things absently. “Very, very, very hungry.” 

“I know buddy,” Benny walked into the kitchen and sat down next to them, smiling. 

“I was thinking tomorrow we can go on a picnic. Somewhere a little out of the way so it’s just us.” Benny told them, Dean and Aiden both nodded. “Alright, I’m gonna hit the hay.” Benny said with a small yawn. 

“I’ll be up in a minute, babe.” Dean said before turning to Aiden. “From one Omega to another, water makes your heats less intense.” Dean said before walking upstairs. There was candle light from underneath the door and Dean was puzzled. He walked forward and let the door swing open and found Benny lighting one last candle causing Dean to raise an eyebrow. The yellow candle light cast a shadow over Benny’s face, blue eyes twinkling as the flame flickered. 

“What is all this?” 

“How I wanted our first time to be… I kinda got this vision in my mind that it was gonna be perfect. Didn’t happen that way, but maybe we could pretend?” He said, “that the life we’ve built didn’t keep going to shit. That we could just be normal. Even for a few minutes.” Dean walked over to the bed and sat down, dragging Benny with him. 

“And… How w-would we start those normal minutes, Mr. Lafitte?” Dean asked with a soft smile, hands sweaty, heart beating a million miles per minute. Benny laced their fingers together and leaned in ever so slightly.   
“Something like this,” he murmured before locking Dean’s lips in a kiss that stole his breath. The mating had taken and Dean saw sparks. Felt light headed as Benny’s lips moved against his, the stubble lightly tickling and pricking his skin. Benny pulled back and looked into Dean’s eyes. 

“I love you, Dean. More than anything on this Earth.” He whispered before standing and closing the door. Dean stood and undressed, Benny following soon after and soon they were lost in flurry of small kisses and touches. Feather light and deftly, Benny moved his fingers down Dean’s body as he licked and sucked small marks onto Dean’s neck. He was mindful of the bruises and was careful not to jar anything as his hand traced low on Dean’s abdomen before finally wrapping around Dean’s waiting cock, giving it long and drawn out strokes for each kiss. Benny worked his hand under Dean’s balls, messaging and pressing on the soft pallet of flesh before finally tracing circles over Dean’s hole which was slick and quaking.   
Dean whimpered out at the sensation. Benny poked the tip of his middle finger in before pulling it out and doing so again, slowly probing as he kissed Dean passionately before slowly pushing further in, Dean’s labored breathing and soft whimpers edging him on as he began to thrust the digit in and out, pushing softly on the slick velvety walls until he applied pressure. Dean’s cock jumped and a spurt of precum leaked out and Benny moaned softly at the smell of Omega arousal and slick making a pungently sweet and musky scent that was driving Benny wild. 

“Bear…” Dean gasped as he dragged his finger sluggishly over Dean’s prostate, applying just the right amount of pressure before sliding the digit almost completely out. Adding a second finger he began to scissor Dean open, getting increasingly hard as Dean’s moans and grunts filled the room, face contorted in a mask of unbridled pleasure, curses falling from his lips as his back arched off the mattress, so high he was chest to chest with Benny before flopping back down and grinding his hips against Benny’s hand. 

“Alpha. Need you.” He gasped when a third finger was worked in. 

“In a little bit, mon cherie, I’ve got you.” Benny began trailing soft, open-mouthed kisses across Dean’s neck. “Benny’s got you,” he mumbled in Dean ear before nibbling at his earlobe. 

“Need knot… need it bad, Ben-Bear. Please…” Benny smirked and kissed Dean softly, rutting against him softly, moaning into his mouth. 

“Feel how hard I am for you sweetheart?” Benny asked gazing down at him. 

“Yes…” 

“Is that what you want?” He rutted again and Dean moaned as their cocks brushed together. 

“Yes!” Dean cried, Benny took his finger out and licked the slick from them. Dean tried to present but Benny stopped him. 

“Not tonight, Dumplin’,” Benny said pressing on his chest. “I want this to be special for you. Not for me.” Benny grabbed the base of his own cock and guided it inside Dean slowly, Dean’s eyes snapped shut as a low groan escaped his lips. “So tight…” Benny bit out, trying not to snap his hips forward. He wanted to make this slow. Wanted to take Dean slow. Unravel him and push him over the edge. Who was he kidding? He wouldn’t be able to last that long with Dean. 

“Move… Benny, please move…” Dean was writhing beneath Benny, body twitching in ecstasy as low moans and grunts fell from his lips one after another, hips grinding against Benny encouraging him to move. Benny rocked his hips lightly before pulling almost all the way out and slowly sinking back in. Dean cooed at the movement and laced his finger behind Benny’s neck, pulling him down into a kiss. Benny began to set a steady rhythm, slowly gliding in and out of Dean as they kissed. 

“Dean…” Benny gasped when Dean started nibbling at his neck. “Uh… Dean… so good…” 

“Bear…” Dean gasped when Benny’s hand wrapped around his cock and started stroking as he thrust. “Uh, Benny, gonna cum. Ah…” Dean was twitching, moaning softly into Benny’s neck.

“It’s okay, Dumplin’.” Be rasped in his ear. “Cum for me, Dean.” Dean groaned loudly as he flexed his abdomen. 

“Ben!” His back arched as he came, cum splattering he and Benny’s chests as Benny worked him through it. Slick gushed over Benny’s cock and he groaned as Dean’s walls contracted around him. Benny continued stroking Dean, tears fell from his beautiful green eyes as Benny milked him and pushed him closer to another orgasm. Benny thrust deeply, balls smacking against Dean’s ass. 

“Benny… it hurts…” Dean cried then a moan tore it’s way out of his throat as Benny nailed his prostate. 

“Does it still hurt, darlin’?” Benny asked as he adjusted slightly so he’d hit Dean’s prostate with each thrust of his hips. Dean was sobbing and moaning all at the same time. 

“Your cock… s-so good, Bear… faster… God go faster!” Benny shook his head, 

“We talked about his already. We’re gonna go, ah, slow.” Dean made an indignant noise and Benny snapped his hips roughly hitting Dean’s prostate, causing the younger man to cry out. 

“Je t'aime,” Benny murmured as he pistoned forward. He felt his balls rising, tightening, his knot forming and he groaned. He didn’t want to knot Dean in this position. With one final thrust, his knot catching against his will, Benny came with a roar, Dean finishing along side him. He hauled Dean off the mattress and hugged his limp body closer to him as he rearranged so Dean was laying across his chest, Benny’s back on the bed. They laid in silence, trying to catch their breaths. The candlelight’s beginning to dim as their flames were swallowed by wax. “I love you, Dean.” He kissed Dean softly and looked into his eyes.

“I love you too, Benny.” He whispered. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING FOR NEXT CHAPTER!!!! TOOTH ROTTING FLUFF. 
> 
> I don't have much written yet but guys, tooth rotting fluff. Domesticity. Family. Love. So much love. 
> 
> Je T'aime in French is "I love you"


	15. Uncertainty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally in a place where danger didn't seem to be living around every corner, Dean and Benny decide it's time to talk about having pups, only after a surprise that left Dean mostly breathless with a small utterance of yes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! Lotta shit happened over the last few weeks. A brief summary of my life. 
> 
> -story time- I ended up with an infection around the subcutaneous pin in my wrist. Almost had to have all my pins taken out because of it, then, it rubbed a hole through my skin and started backing out of my wrist, that was fun, so I got to watch my surgeon take a four inch piece of metal out of my wrist while I was awake! -end of story time- 
> 
> This chapter has some very tiny sprinklings of drama, because, well, straight up fluff is kinda hard to write.

The day after Benny stuck true to his promise. Setting out on the hour journey to outskirts of Skowhegan, to the Overlook where you could see Moosehead lake in it’s entirety. It was beautiful, the sun hit the lake just right. Aiden was in awe of the beauty of it all. He was walking around, looking at everything. 

“You should see this place in the fall,” Benny said standing behind Dean, wrapping his arms around his waist and resting his chin on Dean’s shoulder. Dean leaned back slightly, closing his eyes. 

“This is nice,” he said. Been nodded and kissed his neck. 

“It is,” he agreed as they looked out. They were on a mountain pass, which had made Aiden slightly nervous as they drove up it and parked. He was concerned they were going to swerve off the road and crash to their death. The wonderful world of anxiety. They sat at the table there, Benny unloading the picnic. Turkey clubs, homemade potato chips, soda, salad and pecan pie. 

“Let’s eat,” Dean nodded and took his sandwich. Benny was an amazing cook. The turkey was from the restaurant and the lettuce and tomato were from Missouri’s garden which she kept out back of the clinic. They chatted happily, but when Benny mentioned school Aiden fell quiet. 

“Don’t want to,” Aiden said. 

“Give it a try,” Benny urged. “That’s all you gotta do, buddy. Just give it a try and if it don’t work we will find something else, alright?” Aiden nodded slowly, deciding to leave it alone. Dean looked at him, his shoulders were tense. 

“What are you afraid of?” 

“Getting bullied again, yep. Bullied, bullied, bullied.” Aiden mumbled, 

“And if you are you tell us and we’ll have it taken care of, okay?” Benny said, Aiden again just nodded. Dean and Benny shared concerned glances. 

“I could help w-with online school if you want to do that instead,” Dean told him. Aiden seemed to consider this and then nodded, saying that sounded a lot better than public school. Dean wished to hell that he’d socialize with other kids but at the same time he understood. He got a lot of shit for being a male Omega when he was in school. A great deal of shit actually. He would get into fights with Alpha knotheads and be the one to walk away relatively unharmed. Aiden on the other hand would be the one to get hurt. Dean was concerned about him dating because that could go wrong in every way imaginable with Aiden’s current state of mind. 

Once finished eating, everything was packed into the car before they began walking the trails around the Overlook. It was beautiful, there was the slightest chill in the air being this high in the mountains. Benny stopped them in front of a cave opening where water could be seen flowing into the mouth and had them take a picture as a family. Aiden looked unbelievably happy and had a goofy smile on his face while Benny’s head was turned to look at Dean love in his eyes, Dean’s head was cast upward, looking through the dense leaf cover, only small trickles of sunlight being seen. It was the first picture of them as a family. Dean wanted it printed and framed. He wanted more. More pictures and moments like these that they could share. Benny snaked his arm around Dean’s waste and kissed him softly, tracing the small scar on his cheek. 

“This is beautiful,” Dean said with a bright smile as he looked into Benny’s eyes. Benny nodded and looked to Aiden who was sitting on a rock, looking into the distance. 

“Deer,” he pointed, Benny and Dean turned to see a doe and a fawn looking at them, unsure of their presence. Benny and Aiden both took pictures, Aiden deciding that he wanted to come back here before they enrolled him in online school which Benny agreed to in a heart beat. 

“Okay, let’s get home,” Benny said. Aiden and Dean both nodded and they walked the trail slowly back, all walking at a leisurely pace until they reached the car. They piled in, Benny turning the car on he rolled slowly down the steep hill, turning onto the road and setting out for home. 

There was idol chitchat between the three of them as Benny drove, laughing with bright smiles as he told them a story of something he and his sister had done as teenagers (sneaking out at midnight to go to a concert in town, only to get caught by their uncle) to which Dean had a story match it. 

“I stole the Impala when I was fifteen and drove three hours to see Motley Crew,” that was something he had remembered when he had sat in the Impala two days before. “When I got back dad was so pissed. He took my TV, my books, stripped my room bare.” 

“Why is that funny?” 

“I stole everything back when he went to bed,” Dean said with a shrug. Benny let go of a loud bark of laughter. 

* * *

 

That night Dean was sitting, propped up on pillows as he read the first Harry Potter book. Charlie had been right in the regard that he wouldn’t be able to put the damn thing down once he had started. He was engrossed, not paying attention to much around him. 

“You ready for bed?” Benny asked as he sat next to him. 

“No, I w-want to finish this.” He said absently, Benny just nodded and laid next to him. It was comfortable silence, and before the end of the hour Dean closed the book and sighed. “So…” Dean said as he looked at Benny who he found fast asleep. He smiled and changed into a pair of boxers and one of Benny’s shirts before turning off the lights and getting in bed. He pulled the covers over him and Benny before closing his eyes. Arms wrapped around his waist and tugged him close, Benny’s nose finding the back of his neck. 

“Did you take your meds?” He mumbled, Dean nodded. 

“Yeah, before I started reading.” He yawned, the Ambien kicking in. Benny squeezed tighter and kissed his neck. 

“Goodnight, Dumplin’, I love you.” 

“Love you too,” Dean mumbled as he was overcome with sleep. 

* * *

 

The next day Dean woke with thoughts of pups and making their small family bigger, but sighed, they still hadn’t talked more. Even though they decided they would two days before, it still felt too long without the conversation being held.

He felt Benny’s length against him and smirked, going beneath the covers he pulled Benny’s boxers down and blew a puff of air on Benny’s cock which twitched at the cold air, stiffening. Dean grabbed Benny in his hands and gave the head a small kitten lick to which Benny groaned softly, eyes half open. 

“Dean…” he moaned, Dean smiled and took the head of Benny’s cock in his mouth, sucking lightly as he teased the back of the head before pulling off and pumping his shaft, Benny’s eyes closing as he moaned, ripping the sheets off his body, hand cupping the back of Dean’s head, trying to push him down. Dean complied, throat opening to accommodate Benny’s length before his lips wrapped around the base, nose pressing against Benny’s pelvis before he began bobbing his head.

Benny laced his fingers in Dean’s hair as his hips rose involuntarily. 

“I-I-If you wanna fuck my mouth, go ahead.” Dean said in lust thick voice before running his tongue along the underside of Benny’s cock. 

“Uhh… Dean…” 

“Do you wanna fuck my mouth, Alpha?” A growl left Benny, pushing Dean’s mouth around his cock he began thrusting, Dean making small noises of appreciation as Benny’s length started going deeper in Dean’s throat. Dean was hard, leaking slick, and he wanted to touch himself. So he did, he grabbed his own length and began to stroke in time with Benny’s thrusts. 

“So good… Dean so good…” He gasped when Dean bit lightly and Benny exploded in his mouth, Dean’s cheeks ballooning slightly as he tried to swallow Benny’s release. Which failed, epically. Cum dribbled out of his mouth as he gasped for breath. Benny saw his position, desperately trying to find release and he brought Dean up and sat him on his face before working his tongue inside Dean. Dean let out a small yelp and began stroking himself at a slow pace. Benny moaned as slick covered his lips and tongue, hand spreading Dean’s cheeks as he worked his tongue deeper. 

“Bear…” he gasped, Benny loved the taste of Dean and ate like an starving man. His slick was sweet, warm, musky, and it made Benny hard again. As he worked his tongue deeper he felt Dean tense and a shutter ran through his mates body accompanied by a soft moan, he could tell Dean had cum. He slid Dean off until his cock was left just outside of Benny’s mouth where he lapped at the head, removing all the cum that was starting to dry. 

“Good morning,” Dean gasped out. Benny hummed before Dean slid down his body and fell on his side, Benny’s arms coming to circle around him. 

“Good morning, cher,” Benny yawned, kissing Dean lazily. “If we could wake up like this every day…” Dean laughed and looked at him.

“Yeah… if only.” Dean said as he rolled on his side more, resting on his arm as he looked at Benny. The sheets had pooled around their ankles, Benny’s half hard dick still out of his boxers, Dean naked. “What do you want to do today?” He asked, Benny thought for a minute before taking Dean’s hand in his. 

“Thought maybe we could get the afternoon just to ourselves?” 

“What about Aiden?” Dean asked, Benny leaned in and captured Dean’s lips. 

“I’m sure he’d be okay for a couple hours,” Benny assured Dean, but the look on his mate’s face was not at all eased. “Dean, we also need to do things together, you know.” 

“I’m worried about him,” Dean said as he got out of bed and walked to the bathroom, Benny was right behind him. 

“I know, dumplin’,” Benny turned the water on and stepped under the stream, pulling Dean with him. “Trust me, I know…” he mumbled as he kissed Dean. Dean no longer stood slouched, now fully stood at his full 6’1” tall and had to dip his head to accommodate Benny’s 5’11 frame, but it seemed pretty easy for them. Since the mating took completely they seemed just immensely more in tune with one another. Benny seemed to know just what Dean’s next move was and had body wash on him before he had the nerve to grab the bottle. 

His body was somewhat achy and the way Benny massaged the tense muscles had him melting into his touch. He sighed happily when the hands began to trace his hip bones, squeezing and rubbing circles on them before snaking around and kneading his lower back as he peppered Dean’s freckled shoulders with kisses. 

He soaped himself before grabbing the shampoo and lathering Dean’s hair, scraping the pads of his fingers against his scalp. Dean made a noise of content. It felt perfect. 

Acalm morning where he and Benny got to do normal couple things, like shower together and not have to worry about something going wrong. That was a new and very pleasant feeling. Being able to just relax and not worry about much of anything else. Victor was in jail. He was actually in jail. Thinking about it made Dean emotional.  
Benny scented Dean, breathing deeply. There were scents that were pungent coming off him. Relief. Sadness. Fear. Elation. They filled the shower and enveloped it in a bubble. It had somewhat of a wow factor. It was peaceful. Dean was letting himself feel his feelings. Benny, for a moment, thought that this was the calm before the storm. That Dean was going to have a bad breakdown and end up in the hospital again. But those emotions and scents were completely drowned out by love and passion and caring. 

“Lets get breakfast going,” Benny said as he turned off the water. They both knew Aiden valued his sleep so it was a surprise to see him up when they both came downstairs. He was sitting at the counter eating a bowl of cereal as he scrolled through something on his phone. 

“Good morning,” Benny said. 

“Mornin’ Papa, mornin' dad,” he said absently as he munched on the chocolatey cereal.

“Good morning, b-buddy,” Dean said as he stretched and walked over to the coffee maker and put a pot on before turning to look at Benny and Aiden. Benny was in front of the stove going through some cook book as he looked for something to make and Aiden was still seated, on his phone. It felt so normal. Unbelievably normal versus some of the mornings that had spent in this kitchen, or when just two days before black roses had sat on the counter he was leaning against.  
Benny’s cellphone started ringing and he stepped away from the stove and answered. 

“Hello?” 

"Mr. Lafitte, it Agent Novak and Crowley. We need to speak to Dean for a minute.” Benny nodded and passed the phone off to Dean, 

“Hello?” 

“Dean, we need a favor from you.” 

“What kind of favor?” Dean asked, an edge of panic to his voice. 

“Is there anything you can remember about where you were? Even what the building looked like.” 

_He stabbed the guard in the neck and ran out and into the woods, throwing one last glance over his shoulder. The mansion was big, a gross eggshell-white with a large front deck and an angel statue in the front garden._

“It was a large white mansion… somewhere in the woods and there was an angel statue in the front garden and a big front porch.” 

“Thank you Dean,” the call was disconnected. Dean handed the phone back to Benny who mouthed “what did they want” the look Dean gave him said “not right now” and then nodded at Aiden. Benny nodded and they had their breakfast in relative silence, very few words being exchanged. 

* * *

 

Benny looked through his dresser while Dean napped. He took out the ring box and opened it. Today was the day. He’d make sure of it. He looked at Dean’s sleeping form and smiled slightly. He slipped the box into his pocket and left the room before going downstairs and getting on the phone. 

“Bobby?” 

“Benny, how the hell are ya?” 

“Trying to get this right. I want to propose to Dean.” There was silence for long while and Benny was sure he had messed up. 

“You good enough for him?” 

“I think so… he seems to think so.” 

“You hurt him I kill ya,” 

“I understand,” 

“You’ve got me and Ellen’s blessings.” 

“Thank you, Bobby.” Bobby hung up with a gruff goodbye and Benny stood in the kitchen, elated, blood pumping, heart pounding. This was happening. This was actually happening. He made another call.

“Missouri? Can you watch Aiden for a couple hours tonight?” 

“Of course I can,” Benny was silent for a long moment. “Benny Lafitte, are you planning on proposing?” 

“Ho-“ 

“I know you very well,” 

“Or you’re just psychic,” he grumbled. She let go of laugh, 

“It’s been said before. Alright, I’ll come by at five o’clock and take him down to Portland to see a movie and then dinner.” 

“Thank you Missouri,” 

“No problem.” 

* * *

 

The day went quickly and by the time Aiden was gone Benny was making dinner. He would do it at some fancy restaurant but he didn’t want to draw attention to something like that. He wanted it to just be him and Dean and music and food. That’s how he wanted it. Dean had been exiled from the kitchen as Benny cooked. He made Shrimp Scampi with garlic bread and Caymus Cabernet Special, a wine he had gotten back in 2014. Once dinner was ready he told Alexa to play classical music as he drew the blinds in the house and lit candles. He called Dean down. 

“Wow…” Dean breathed, “this… Wow.” He felt tongue tied as he looked at everything that sat on the table. The soft music, the candlelight. It was perfect. He sat down in the chair Benny pulled out for him. “Bear, y-you really went over the top with this.” 

“I wanted to do something nice,” Dean noticed Benny smelled kind of nervous but he shook it off and they began to eat. 

“I was thinking that maybe we could take Aiden to get a laptop for online school. There is a program c-called MAVA that I looked into. It’s structured and I think he’d d-do well.” Benny nodded and sipped at his wine. 

“We need to get him into therapy, Dean. He…” Benny sighed and scrubbed at his face, Dean took his hand and squeezed it. 

“I know, Ben. I’m concerned. After Bela gave him an eval… I’m so concerned t-that some Alpha is gonna take him or force him into mating. He’s developmentally behind. He still acts like he’s eight an-“ 

“I know, dumplin’,” Benny said. “He just needs to get the right help.” They talked throughout their meal, laughing and smiling after the touchy subject barely being breached. 

“My brother looked at her, in a dead calm voice and said “Elizabeth, you are not a little girl anymore. You can’t keep sleeping with your mom.” She looked at him, serious and said, “well you sleep with Auntie and you’re old!”” Dean laughed at the story.  
“When am I gonna get to meet her?” 

“She comes up for Thanksgiving and stays until after Christmas.” Benny said, as Dean went for a sip of wine Benny got down on one knee and held the box out in front of him. Dean noticed the glass slid from his hand.

“Dean… there really aren’t words for this… uh… I love you more than anything, more than life… I know we’re already mated, but I’ve never been more sure of anything in my entire life. Never wanted more, don’t think I could have asked for more. Because you’re it, Dean. My life. My love. My everything. Every second I’m with you it makes me love you more… will you do me the honor of marrying me?” Dean had tears in his eyes. 

“Yes,” he whispered. Benny slid the ring on his finger and both of them stood, Benny pulling Dean into a warm kiss. 

“I love you so much, Dean.” 

“I love you too, Bear.” Dean mumbled as Benny lifted him from the ground, their dinner being forgotten as Benny deepened the kiss. Dean was place on the counter, kisses being planted on his neck, groaning at the sensations. 

“Dean…” Benny mumbled against his neck. 

“B-Bedroom…” Dean’s eyes fluttered shut as Benny’s hand entered his pants, fingers tracing the head of his half hard cock.

“We don’t got time for sex darlin’, but…” Benny unzipped Dean’s fly, pooping the button and pulling his cock out of the slit of his boxers. Bracing his hands on either side of Dean’s hips he sucked the cock into his mouth and began to suck and lick the head before sliding down Dean’s shaft. 

“Benny…” Dean moaned softly, slick was dripping out of him and he was going to go insane if he wasn’t filled. “Need your knot, Bear.” Dean whined, Benny chuckled, 

“Later, sweetheart,” he said as he worked the zipper of his own fly and grasped his leaking cock in his hand and began pumping his shaft as he slid his mouth down Dean’s shaft, taking more of him in. Dean grabbed the back of his head in his hands and began rutting into his mouth. 

“Crap… Benny, so good. Uh… oh god…” he felt his balls tightening and soon he was coming, Benny gagged slightly but it soon turned into an approving groan as he came, ropes of cum covering the bottom of his shirt and the bottom cabinets. He released Dean’s cock with a wet plop and rose to his full height, fumbling for the dishrag and wiped the cum off his shirt and the cabinets. 

* * *

 

The following day was quiet. Dean awoke with a blissful feeling, unsure if the night before had actually transpired, but when he fingered the band on his ring finger he smiled softly. He was engaged. Mated. Had a family. One perfect family that one day (hopefully in the near future) would get bigger. Dean turned and looked at Benny’s sleeping form, chest rising slowly, puffs of breath being forced from his body. He buries his head in Benny’s neck and breathes deeply. This was probably his favorite thing to do in the morning. Scent Benny. It was calming and extremely soothing, any ounce of tension he had felt slowly went away as he scented his mate. Benny stirred and wrapped his arms around Dean, drawing him closer, breathing out softly. 

“Good morning,” he mumbled. 

“Hey…” Dean said quietly, Benny sighed and opened his eyes. 

“What’s on your mind?” Dean was silent for a while, just drinking Benny in with his eyes. He wanted to breach the subject while Aiden wasn’t up. It was hard. Harder than he thought. They both wanted pups. They finally had the chance (where insanity wasn’t lurking around every corner) to talk about having pups. Really talk about it and consider it as a real option now that Victor wasn’t prowling the streets. Now that Dean’s life wasn’t in constant danger. So he chose his next words carefully, making sure they were precise.

“I want pups.” Dean said, almost a demanding sound to his voice. Benny sighed, 

“It’s a little early for this conversation, don’t you think?” He said glancing at the clock, 

“You said we’d talk, well, I’m ready to talk.” Dean retorted, Benny nodded and sat up. 

“Let’s get some coffee and go to the back deck.” Dean nodded and rolled out of bed and pulled a pair of sweatpants on and one of Benny’s shirts. They both walked downstairs and he watched as Benny made coffee shirtless, enjoying the sight of his mate. Benny’s biceps and forearms were huge, and if he was being honest they made him weak in the knees. Benny didn’t have abs or chiseled chest, but there was definitely muscle definition under the small layer of fat. He walked up behind Benny and wrapped his arms around him, kissing his neck.

“Good morning,” he mumbled. Benny sighed and turned to face him. 

“Dean… are you sure…” 

“Let’s wait 'til we’re outside, don’t wanna wake Aiden up,” he said. Benny nodded and poured two cups before they walked to the back deck, sitting down. They stayed silent for a while, just sipping on their coffee and watching as the sun breached the horizon, casting a golden hue over the backyard, turning the grass just as golden as the sunlight itself, highlighting the dark fur of a Fishercat that hadn’t gotten the memo to go to bed. 

“Are you sure you’re ready for this?” Benny asked, 

“Y-“ 

“No, Dean, are really sure you are ready? Mentally? Physically?” Benny asked turning to face him, “you’ll have to come off all your meds if we conceive, you’re at a high risk for post-partum because you already have depression y-“ 

“Benny-“ 

“No, Dean!” He raised his voice, just shy of his Alpha voice and Dean fell silent. “Are you sure… please sweetheart, I don’t want anything bad to happen to you. I can wait for pups, I will wait if it means you’re safe. Safe mentally and physically. I just need you to be honest with me, no matter how bad you want this, that you’re in a position you can do this.” And Dean was silent. 

Was he actually ready? Benny had a lot of strong points. Going off his meds. Post-partum depression, something he had watched his mom suffer from, something he would never want anyone to go through. Was he truly ready for this? He didn’t know. But at the same time he did. He felt ready. He felt like he could. But he would be honest with Benny, he owed him that much. 

“I’m not sure, Bear.” He whispered, “Ben I-I-I want t-this… F-F-Fuck…” His stutter returned pretty heavily when he felt stressed or anxious or frustrated. His cheeks flushed and tears sprang to his eyes. 

“It’s okay to stutter, dumplin’.” Benny said taking his hand and squeezed it before bringing it to his lips. “It’s okay to be frustrated, mon cherie,”

“I-I-I w-want that with y-y-you s-s-so bad, B-B-Benny.” Dean said, 

“I just need to know you’re ready is all. We can start trying if you think you’re ready. Even if you’re heat isn’t 'til next month, you might catch… I just need to know you’re ready.” 

“M-M-Maybe we can talk t-to B-B-Bela? S-See what she says?” Benny nodded and kissed him softly. 

“Whatever you wanna do, darlin’.” Dean took a few calming breaths. He didn’t know why his anxiety had skyrocketed the way it had. This was Benny. The love of his life. His mate. A man who would never show anger towards him unless it was just, probably not even then. A man who wanted nothing but the best for Dean. 

“I think we should get you an appointment in Augusta or Portland, make sure everything is okay… because of that thing Alastair used on ya.” Benny said softly, Dean nodded. That was a large concern. Even if they had conceived previously, that wasn’t a sure fire thing. That scar tissue could lead to some serious complications. Miscarriage, still birth, birth defects, hemorrhaging (Benny didn’t need to go through that again,) infertility after birth… there were so many things that could go wrong and Dean was almost too selfish in want to realize them. 

“I just want this… I came from a broken family, Bear. Mom died when I was seven… even if Dad loved me and Sammy… I still had to take care of him. D-Dad was gone a lot and when we weren’t with Ellen and Bobby I was raising Sam… I just… I want to be able to give a pup the life I needed growing up… same as we’re doing with Aiden. Two parents. A stable home. Love.  
I l-l-loved taking care of S-S-Sammy. I…” he started getting emotional as he thought about it. A memory that had appeared after the miscarriage. “When I was sixteen I got an abortion,” tears slipped past his lashes. “I… an x-boyfriend of mine got me pregnant and when he found out he just broke it off…” Benny knelt in front of Dean. 

“Darlin’,” Benny said in a sad voice. 

“No, Benny… I m-m-made it four months… I just couldn’t do it. I couldn’t do it. I was sixteen, living out of motels with my baby brother with no job…” more tears fell, but his voice remained even and controlled. He was so tired of crying. But when he wet himself he broke. “I killed my pup.” 

“Dean, dumplin’, look at me.” Benny soothed, wiping at Dean’s tears. “You didn’t kill your pup. You were a scared sixteen years old boy with no other option.” 

“It hurts… w-w-when I-I-I r-r-remem-remembered i-i-it w-w-was w-w-when… When Missouri found out about t-t-the p-p-pup It hurts so much!” He sobbed, Benny nodded and continued to wipe at his tears. 

“I know sweetheart,” Benny said. He stood and helped Dean to his feet. “Let’s get you inside and you can clean up, okay?” 

“I-I-I t-t-thought I-I-I was p-passed this.” Benny kissed him sweetly. 

“There’s nothing to be ashamed of, sha. Come on,” Benny got him in the house and upstairs. Dean shut down briefly, Benny having to take his pants and shirt off and helping him in the shower. He stood behind Dean, rubbing soap on his skin, being careful not touch below the waist until a soft voice said it was okay. He lathered Dean’s crotch and inner thighs before taking his hand away and letting the water wash away the soap. Dean leaned against him, eyes closed. 

“’m sorry, Bear…” 

“Don’t, Dean. You don’t need to apologize for this ever, okay?” Dean just nodded. 

* * *

 

Dean had his appointment with Bela and decided he wanted Aiden to come with them, at least for part of the meeting. Once they were in her office she sighed and looked up. 

“Aiden, it’s very good to see you again. How have you been?” 

“Good, yep, good.” She smiled and turned to Dean and Benny. 

“So… Victor is being held in Augusta.” She said, they both nodded and she jumped right into things. “How have you been feeling since then? How did they end up getting him?” Dean took a shallow breath. 

“Me and Benny went out to eat and he was at the diner. He hit Benny with brass k-knuckles a-a-and…” 

“If you’re not ready to talk Dean, I understand.” Bela said, he shook his head and continued to speak about it. From when Victor had bashed his head against the table up to when he was hauled off Dean after attempting to rape him. By the end Bela was looking at him with sympathy but shook her head and wrote down the rest in her notes.  
“That must have been horrible. I’m very sorry Dean.” He just nodded, “okay, now…” 

“Me and Dean actually wanted to talk to ya. Aiden could you step out for a second?” Aiden nodded and left the room, closing the door behind him. 

“Is everything alright?” Bela asked, they both nodded, before things fell silent. Bela waited patiently for them to talk, watching the silent conversation unfold. Benny nodded at Dean and spoke.

“Me and Dean, as you know, we uh, we miscarried.” She nodded, “we decided we’re gonna talk about having pups and Dean thinks he’s ready, I'm just concerned about how the hormones changes are gonna affect him… I don’t want anything to ever happen to him.” She nodded and set her notepad down before leaning forward and looking at them both. 

“Dean…” 

“I-“ 

“I think this could either be the best thing for you, or the worst.” She said with honesty, “Dean, the hormone changes that someone goes through while pregnant are drastic. Anger, mood swings… now apply that to yourself. You have bipolar, anxiety, depression. Pregnancy could be and may always be very challenging for you mentally. On top of that, your risk for post-partum is very high with your pre-existing depression.  
On the flipside of things, you are already such a caring person. You’re nurturing, you adopted Aiden after knowing him for three days. So at the same time I think this could be very cathartic and good for you… so it’s really you and Benny’s choice. I just want to caution you that you would have to come off all your meds and would need extra therapy.” She spotted the engagement ring and smiled. “I so believe there are some congratulations in order.”

“Thank you,” Dean said, when turning to his mate who looked at him with warmth. 

“So, I believe that the cards are in your hands, boys. I’m glad you asked for my opinion but I have an inkling that it doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. You’re either going to have pups now or at some point in the future. 

I just want to caution you that it isn’t going to be easy.” They both nodded and Bela cleared her throat. 

“So… any nightmares?” 

“No,” Dean said. 

“Wetting yourself? Any return of your stutter?” 

“When I’m anxious o-or stressed… it’s sometimes and sometimes n-not there when I talk a-a-anyways. And… I wet myself this morning “ She wrote in her notebook,

“Flashbacks?” 

“None… a small one the other day when I got a call from A-A-Agent Novak.” She nodded, 

“Did it consume you? Make you lose grasp of where and when you were?” 

“No… it wasn’t like that at all.” 

“I believe the therapy is working, Dean. That doesn’t mean you’re in the home stretch. We’re working through ten years of unimaginable trauma. There are going to be high points where you are on top of the world and then there will be low points where you feel as though you can’t get out of bed. But I am very glad you are doing better.” He smiled a grateful smile and stood, giving her hug before pulling back. 

“Next week as always.” He nodded and they walked out the office to find Aiden gone. Anxiety spiked in Dean and he rushed out of the building and thankfully found him by the car. 

“Jesus Christ, please let us know if you’re going outside.” Dean said as he pulled him into a hug. Aiden melted into the hug. 

“I’m sorry dad. Sorry, sorry, sorry.” 

“It’s okay buddy. You didn’t mean to.” Benny stood back and watched them, smiling. 

* * *

 

“I ordered the laptop,” Benny said as he sat next to Dean on the couch that night. 

“Good… so…” 

“Are you absolutely sure you’re ready for this, sha?” Dean nodded and Benny kissed him sweetly. “You have no idea how bad I want this with you… we still gotta go check about the scar tissue.” Dean nodded and rested his head against Benny’s shoulder. 

“I-I-I know, Bear.” He looked towards Aiden’s room and sighed. “I want to g-get him into therapy. He needs it.” Benny nodded and kissed Dean softly. 

“We’ll get him there.” Dean just sighed and sat up straight. 

“I… when he wasn’t in that waiting room i-it scared me.” Dean admitted. “I thought someone came and took him and…” 

“Dumplin’, you had every right to be. Aiden’s easy prey for some Alphas. But I’m never gonna let anyone take our son, okay? No one is gonna touch him.” Dean nodded and they flipped on the TV. Dean decided the news, though sometimes scary, was something he needed to see. It made him feel connected to the rest of the world in a way. He had missed so much, and knowing certain world events was comforting. Like the election of Donald Trump as president (he really didn’t know who the guy was other than the fact Benny had called him an orange penis in a wig) or threats from ISIS. 

He had quickly decided the world was indeed a scary place. Hearing about the murders and kidnappings, Amber alerts when pups go missing (usually never being found alive) rape victims… Dean had very much decided that America was a cruel place. He realized that many Scandinavian countries never made the news unless there was a UN meeting that parts were televised or if Trump and his wife visited. They must have been doing something right if they managed to only make the news with good things.  
But he also learned about the sex trade that ravaged eastern Europe. Bulgaria, Amsterdam, Lithonia, Romania… it was grizzly to say the least and he had no doubt that before Victor ran the brothel he was involved. When yet again Jackman flashed on the news Dean had Benny turn it up and they watched. 

“Yesterday, the biggest drug bust in Maine had been done. After the arrest of 42 year old Victor Henriksen, FBI obtained a warrant and entered his mountain home where ten thousand pounds of Cocaine, fifteen thousand pounds of Heroin and Dilaudid combined, and seven thousand pounds of Marijuana were recovered from the mountain mansion. Twenty seven Omegas and ten Betas were found alive in the bowls of the building, all carrying a brand on the upper right bicep just as Dean Winchester and Bela Talbot had described. Seventeen bodies were discovered as well, all in various states of decay and a furnace with ash and remnants of human bone. 

A dungeon was also uncovered, these pictures have been released for public viewing. I strongly urge if you don’t want to see this to change the channel. These pictures are graphic.” Pictures flashed across the screen and Dean puked when he saw the wall. The wall he had been strapped to and tortured. Mutilated. Burned. Beaten. Bruised. The place where that device was put on and may have made it hard to conceive, maybe even barren if the scar tissue was bad enough after the miscarriage. 

“The device I am to show was used during the dark ages up until the late eighteen hundreds throughout Europe and was being practiced in America until around the same time. Used specifically for male Omegas. It was designed to make them barren. It was believed that male Omegas were against God, having male genitalia and being able to carry children was said to be a curse. Once barren, they either lost sex drive or became what was known as breeders, or only able to impregnate, not be impregnated. 

These devices are illegal in every state of the US. Survival rate after being put in one is very slim.” Dean touched the scars on his lower abdomen. 

“Arrests were made yesterday. Lucifer Novak, Michael Novak, both brothers to Agent Castiel Novak who headed the investigation and arrest of Victor. Along with three off duty police officers and several guards. Over seven hundred firearms were found on the property and several shallow graves. The estimated bodies on property may be over two hundred. Victor is now being held in Augusta, bail has been raised to seven million and he has been denied his phone call under suspicion he will target Dean Winchester. 

Today, mother daughter were reunited after four years. Claire Mills, daughter of Jody Mills, town sheriff of Jackman, was found at the mansion yesterday afternoon. 

“She’s back. I thought I lost her but she’s back… Dean… thank you for giving that statement. You saved my little girl’s life. Thank you.”” 

* * *

 

Dean felt like he couldn’t sleep. What he had seen made everything real but now he was concerned that having pups was completely out of the question. Benny sensed his distress and wrapped his arms around Dean. 

“You okay, sugah pie?” He mumbled. 

“What if we find out I can’t carry pups?” 

“You already did then that son of a bitch took it away from us,” Benny said. “If we can’t have pups we can always adopt, baby.” He turned on the bedside lamp. 

“Benny…” 

“It’s okay to worry, Dumplin’. I know you’re concerned, but worrying isn’t gonna help none.” Dean sighed and snuggled closer to him.

* * *

 

The next day felt sluggish. Dean barely managed to get out of bed. Benny noticed his shift in mood and when he tried to talk to him Dean was dismissive. Saying “I’m okay,” and retreating to the back yard, bringing a chair and sitting in front of the pond, just staring into the water he had recently discovered had Coi Fish in it. He watched as they swam around in envy. They didn’t have to care about the struggles of the world. Didn’t have to worry about really anything aside from eating. And he envied it. 

The world was hard. Difficult. Abrasive. Cold he’d say. Horrible people littered the street. Everyone seemed to have an alternate agenda in life besides a rare few. He couldn’t even look at the clerk that worked the register at the grocery store in town without wondering what she was plotting. Her smile, her laugh, the way she talked… it all seemed fake. And now he found himself wondering if he could even trust Benny. That thought hurt him. He felt as though he couldn’t trust his own mate. His own fiancé. He felt tears building. 

Why was he thinking about this? He had a life. A home. He was happy… right? Was he happy? He loved Benny with everything he had, though that wasn’t much, it’s what he could offer. And all he could offer was himself and that seemed enough for Benny… but what if it wasn’t? What if Benny wanted more? What if Benny wanted more than Dean could give? A mate with no mental health issues. A mate without trauma. Someone who didn’t have scars and acid burns. One who wasn’t… one who wasn’t broken. 

Aiden was supposed to go with Missouri while they went to Augusta for the appointment to find out about pups. Did he breach this subject? Just ask Benny what the hell he saw in him? Regardless of being true mates a man still had to have standards, right? It was ridiculous. He was being ridiculous. Benny loved him. He saw it everyday. He saw it before they were even together. Whether it had been platonic at first he had definitely noticed. He sighed and looked out into the woods. A cow stood with her calf. 

The moose just looked back at him, scenting- the air before going back to grazing. He noticed the calf seemed much more interested in him than it’s mother. It started walking over and he noticed the scent change in the air, mother moose was getting ready to charge so he stood calmly and walked back to the deck, up the stairs and closed the screen door. He sighed, chair forgotten and walked back inside. Dean had forgotten his Ambien and sleep didn’t seem to come. So he had been up, alternating between writing drabbles on his laptop and watching the news. 

He didn’t feel tired. If he was being honest he felt manic. Gabriel had ended up taking him on as a client and his appointment wasn’t for another month. So he felt slightly fucked. He didn’t know how being manic felt because he didn’t exhibit normal symptoms of bipolar. He didn’t have the hallmarked mania where you are up for a week at a time. No. He had staying awake for two days then crashing then repeating the process over again. He definitely had the cycling emotions though. Moving from happy to sad to angry and everything else in between. He felt lucid when he was manic. Like he watching his actions through his own eyes but wasn’t doing them. 

It had recently come to his attention after a phone call with Sam that he had been on medication for a “mood disorder” when he was younger. Now at twenty seven, Ellen said that it made perfect sense to her because of the way he used to act. He missed his mom. He missed Ellen so deeply that it hurt. Maybe they should go and visit. 

“You okay?” Benny asked from the kitchen, Dean turned and looked at him. 

“I think I-I-I'm manic.” He stated as he looked at Benny. “I fucking hate this. It’s stressing me the fuck out.” 

“How can I help ya?” Benny asked as he set down his mug and walked into the living room. 

“I don’t know. If I knew don’t you think I’d ask for help?” 

“No need to be nasty, sugah, just wanted to know if there was anything I could do.” Dean scoffed and stood. 

“What do you see in me?” He asked, 

“What?” 

“W-What the hell do you see in me?!” He yelled, “because I’m not seein' it.” 

“Sha, where is this coming from?” 

“I’m fucking broken, that’s where this is coming from! How the hell can you even love me? Do you even love me? True mates or not, you gotta have standards, right? I’m nothin’ special. I h-h-have scars and acid burns. Maybe I don’t give you enough but what you see is what you fucking get!” Benny stood and approached Dean. 

“There isn’t any one reason I love you, darlin’. Ever since I met you I’ve wanted nothin’ more than a future with ya. With pups. A home. I have loved you since I laid eyes on you, De. Where is this all coming from, because… shit Dean, I’ve never loved anything more than you. Don’t you for a second think that I want more from you, hun. I don’t care about your scars. I don’t care about any of that because it isn’t you.” Benny brought Dean into his arms. “What I see is what I get. And I see the most beautiful and caring creature on this planet. I’ve never seen someone so beautiful. Not even Andrea. So when I touch here,” he traced the scars on his back. “It doesn’t bother me. I don’t care about that, Dean. It doesn’t bother me, so don’t think I don’t love you, okay?” Dean scented him, breathing deeply. 

“I’m sorry, Benny.” He mumbled, Benny just nodded and looked at him, 

“You can talk to me, Dean. You can tell me about your insecurities and I will say the exact same thing every time. When we get pregnant, and you think you are fat, I’m gonna tell ya the same thing. That you aren’t. That I love you. That there is nothing on this Earth that could make me stop lovin' ya, cher.” 

“When we g-get pregnant?” 

“Mon cher, I have a feeling this is gonna work out.” Dean kissed him, running his hands under Benny’s shirt. 

“I love you, Bear.” 

“Jat'aime mon chere,” He mumbled against Dean’s lips. 

* * *

 

The ride to Augusta was quiet, Dean’s stomach rolled with anxiety at what they would find. What they would say. But Benny’s hand wrapped firmly around his and he looked to see Benny’s eyes on him for a moment before drifting back to the road. 

“Whatever they say, we will make it through this together, alright?” Dean just nodded and looked out the window. They were at the office a half hour later. They were called in and Dean sat on the exam table while Benny stood by his side. A knock at the door sounded and she walked in. 

“Hello, I’m Dr. Eileen Leahy,” she spoke with a lisp. Benny signed hello at her and she smiled, signing back how are you. Dean watched the exchange. “Alright, Dean. How are you today?” 

“Nervous,” he said before explaining what had happened. 

“It took a second, but you’re the Dean on the news?” He took a deep breath and nodded. “I’m sorry. We’re going to take you to imaging and get and MRI but before we do that I am going to do a physical exam, okay?” He nodded slowly, “I need you to get in to the gown and then I’m going to measure your pelvic bone and check your cervix. Though uncommon, pregnancy can occur outside of heats.” Dean nodded again and dressed in the Johnny after she was out of the room, she came back a few moment later and measured his pelvic bone before having him turn over. 

“This is going to be uncomfortable,” she put a glove on and she worked her entire hand slowly into the vaginal cavity, Dean grasped Benny’s hand and by the look on his face he was in pain. “I'm sorry Dean,” she said taking her hand out. “I felt minor scarring and your cervix is open so no pup quite yet.”  
They led him to imaging and after a half an hour he was back with Benny in normal clothes. Eileen came in fifteen minutes later. 

“The MRI showed the scar tissue. It is nothing too severe. You should be able to carry pups to term. Your uterus is slanted just a tiny bit but it is nothing dangerous.” Dean felt tears of relief. They could have pups. He looked at Benny who was smiling brightly, tears in his blue eyes. “You two can start trying. Dean, I am going to prescribe a type of hormone, nothing dangerous, it just helps with conception. Male Omegas have a harder time conceiving.” Dean nodded gratefully and hugged her. The uncertainty had been eating him alive. But now it is real. Now it could happen. She returned the hug and he mouthed thank you. 

* * *

 

They stopped at the pharmacy in Augusta and picked up Dean’s prescription before going to a small hole in the wall restaurant. It was nice inside, pretty fancy actually. 

“We could have eaten at home,” Dean said. 

“We’re celebrating. So no we couldn’t have,” Benny replied as he looked over the menu.

“Bear-“ 

“We just got the best news ever. Let’s treat ourselves, alright?” Dean smiled, Benny’s mood was no longer stressed. No longer melancholic. The scent that hit Dean was purely joy and happiness, sweet and strong. Dean very much felt the same. There was no longer the terrifying uncertainty that came with it. He no longer felt a weight on his shoulder. They could grow their family. They were engaged. Maybe, just this once, things would go right. Nothing unexpected would happen. No more bodies. No more death threats in the form of flowers. No more Victor. Regardless of how good his Attorney was, he would never see the outside world again. 

Even with a definite up coming legal battle against him that Dean and Bela would both have to be a part of, it didn’t matter. There was calm. He could finally deal with his shit without more being brought on constantly by so many outside factors. He felt safe for once. It was a weird feeling if he was being honest. Benny made him feel safe, but this was much bigger. He didn’t feel the need to constantly look over his shoulder (not as much anyways) nor did he feel as though people were going to leave him. 

It was, dare he say, okay. It was nice. Calming. Not having to feel like he was fighting for his life every moment he was awake. Not having a fear he wouldn’t wake the next day after closing his eyes for sleep. Because he had seen that happen to the Omegas who did good. It would be a mercy killing. Throat cut in their sleep. 

“I guess you’re right.” Dean said with a small smile, Benny grasped his hand and they both read through their menus. Dean decided on the Angus bacon cheeseburger and a beer, Benny deciding the same. They placed their orders and looked happily at each other. 

“I love you,” Dean said. 

* * *

 

A week later Dean’s next Heat hit in the worst way at the worst time possible. He and Benny were walking the aisles at the grocery store when Dean felt feverish. He had tried to shrug it off but when a gush of slick left his body the fever over took. Benny abandoned the cart and they rushed to the motel in town Missouri saying she would go and stay with Aiden. 

“Alpha!” Dean screeched from the bed as Benny locked the door. He was trying desperately to remove his clothes. “Need knot. Need, need, need!” 

“Just a minute darlin’,” Benny groaned. His knot was already forming, his hips spasming as he thrust against the fabric of his own jeans, precum leaking from the slit of his cock. He was in Rut. He stripped down before walking over to Dean and taking his clothes off. Dean rolled on his stomach and presented. Benny wanted to taste him. Make him scream. But the Alpha in Benny wanted to fuck Dean raw, make him fat with pups, and do it all over again. 

He grabbed hard onto Dean’s hips, fingers digging into the flesh there and lining up with the fluttering muscle before snapping his hips forward and burying himself inside Dean, causing the Omega to moan loudly and press against him. Benny pulled out slowly before slamming into him, not being able to stand it anymore he began thrusting rhythmically into Dean, groaning loudly as Dean pulsed slick around him. 

“So.. fucking… good… gonna make you fat with my pups. Would you like that?” 

“Yes Alpha, want it. Want it…” Benny moved faster, nailing Dean’s prostate, dick slipping into unknown reaches of Dean’s body causing his mate to scream as he came. Benny’s knot banged against Dean’s rim, with a final hard thrust his knot caught and he exploded inside Dean, jet after jet if cum filled his mate as he snapped his hips in short little thrusts. 

* * *

 

Dean was lost in time. When his Heat finally broke cum was leaking out of him, stomach slightly distended from the amount of times Benny had found release inside of him. He looked at Benny who’s cock was still painfully hard and leaking. He was thrusting into his hand, Rut still in high gear. Dean took over and grasped his mate’s cock, stroking it lightly before bringing his lips over the head. Benny yelped in surprise before moaning and thrusting into Dean’s mouth. During the last three days Benny had decided that fucking Dean’s mouth was an amazing thing. 

Dean gagged slightly but allowed Benny to continue, a large hand on the back of his head as hips pistoned forward. When Benny stopped thrusting, nearing his end Dean gave the slit a tentative lick and Benny yelled out, cum filling Dean’s mouth. He swallowed greedily. He loved the taste of Benny. How his cock was musty and strong, all things Alpha male, and his cum sweet, salty, and something just distinctly him. 

“Dean…” Benny’s cock seemed to be perpetually hard. Dean kept his mouth over Benny and continued to suck and lick until the Alpha was cumming again, this time Dean took his mouth off, letting the cum hit his face, moaning softly. His own cock felt abused but something about this was getting to him and he was cumming along with Benny. He grabbed at the sheets and wiped his face. 

“You okay?” Dean asked softly, Benny managed a nod. He was panting, pupils blown. Dean new the next couple days would be hard. He grabbed for Benny’s phone and called Missouri, asking if she could bring food and clothes to the motel. 

“I’ll be right over honey,” 

“Ok-“ Benny took the phone from him and growled a goodbye before pinning Dean to the bed. “Benny…” Dean breathed out,

“I’m gonna fuck ya and then I’m gonna make you fat with my pups… understand, Dean?” Dean gulped as Benny’s hands pinned him harder into the bed. 

“Bear, stop.” Dean said in a small voice. He didn’t like this. Benny was being too rough and it was scaring him. 

“Too late now, darlin’,” 

“Benny stop!” Dean screamed, Benny went to slide into him but Dean head-butted him in the nose, the shock brought Benny back to some semblance of control. Dean sat back on the bed, knees drawn up as he looked at Benny with horror. 

“Dean… Sweetheart…” Dean had to remind himself that this wasn’t really Benny. Not his Benny. This was every primal trait that existed in his mate. 

“It… please go in the bathroom.” Dean whispered. Benny managed to listen and locked himself in the bathroom as Dean let go of a few tears and rubbed at his wrists. Benny… Benny had just tried to rape him. He had said it was too late to stop. No. That isn’t who Benny was. Benny had never tried to force Dean into anything. This wasn’t Benny. It was an Alpha in Rut with their mate. Shit like this could potentially every time Benny was in Rut. He took a few deep breaths before standing and walking to the bathroom door and knocking softly. Benny opened the door a few minutes later, head hung low. Aside from the overwhelming smell of Alpha in Rut there was a large amount of regret that was flowing off of Benny. 

“Do you want me to leave you h-here?” Dean asked him, Benny shook his head and grasped his hand. 

“Sorry… Dean, sorry… just need to breed.” Dean nodded,

“I-I can’t right now, Bear.” Benny nodded, 

“Close the door,” Benny said. Dean nodded and did so, not long after the lock clicked and the sound of skin hitting skin sounded and he sighed. Missouri arrived an hour later with food and clean clothes. 

“Child, the hell happened?!” She said looking at his wrists. He didn’t want to explain it to her so he avoided the question all together. 

“Thank you,” she nodded. 

“You smell different,” she commented absently. 

“Thanks?” 

“Alright, Aiden’s in the car. Call if you need anything.” He nodded and quickly closed the door. 

* * *

 

Two more days passed in the motel room. Benny’s Rut finally ended and they took the longest shower of their lives. Neither touched each other they just cleaned off, relishing in the feel of warm water and soap as it washed away days worth of grime from non-stop sex and masturbation. Dean sighed and rested heavily against Benny. He needed their bed and he needed restful sleep. After being kept up by his Heat and then the remainder of Benny’s Rut he really needed it. He felt beyond tired. By the way Benny barely managed to support his body weight he must have been in the same boat. Benny scented him, smiling slightly. 

“You smell… sweet. Really sweet.” 

“Yeah,” Dean mumbled. 

“I think you caught, darlin’,” Benny mumbled kissing his shoulder, running his hand low on Dean’s abdomen. 

“Here’s hoping,” Dean said softly. 

* * *

 

Later that day they arrived back home and Dean went straight for the bedroom. He was exhausted. He hadn’t had his medication since the day before his Heat hit, yet all he wanted to do was sleep. So while Benny talked to Missouri Dean had stripped out of his clothes on the way up the steps before crawling in bed and closing his eyes, breathing deeply and sighing at the coolness of the pillow against his face. This bedroom was a safe place. It smelled so much of him and Benny that no matter what mood if he stood in it he would feel better just from the combined smells. 

Their home was beginning to feel more and more like a home. Aiden was adjusting by the way things seemed, he was pretty sure he had caught which meant they could grow their family. He pulled the covers over his head, blocking out the offensive sunlight that filtered through the windows of the bedroom. Maybe he should have closed the shades? He sighed, deciding against moving at all, content with just laying in bed and waiting until sleep overtook him. 

Yet that didn’t come. Maybe it could have been considered sleep but at the same time maybe it couldn't have been. It was more among the lines of he had closed his eyes and hadn’t realized how much time had passed until Benny’s lips pressed against his and he realized the room was being bathed in post dusk light.

“Sleep well?” Benny asked, lips quirking into a smile. Dean stretched and nodded. 

“Not sure if I really slept, b-b-but yeah.” Benny cupped his cheek and stroked his thumb back and forth across Dean’s cheek bone; eyes closing Dean leaned into his touch.

“What’s going on?” Dean asked quietly. 

“Nothing, just put dinner on, got Aiden to take his meds on time.” Dean sighed and sat up slowly. 

“I’ll be down in a minute,” he mumbled. Benny nodded and Dean was left in the fading light. He sighed and swung his feet over the edge of the bed and sat there, hands folded in his lap. 

It was weird. He could tell his scent had changed, but he didn’t feel any different. Maybe it was a fluke. Maybe he smelled different because this was their first Heat and Rut as a mates. He didn’t know. There was some uncertainty again but it was more good than bad. It was anxious. He wanted to know and he wanted to know now. 

So he dressed and walked downstairs, sitting still the table with the two people who meant the most to him in the entire world, and ate, for the most part, a quiet dinner until Benny looked at him and mouthed “do we tell him?” Dean nodded and Benny cleared his throat.

“Aiden, how… How would you feel if me and Dean decided to have pups?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoy. And I really hope it was worth the wait.


	16. Hopefully The Last One Of These I Need To Do

I'm gonna be very frank. A lot of fucking shit has happened recently. 

First thing, I had the rest of my pins out (I had to get one taken out while I was awake and there were still three left after that.) 

Secondly, mentally I have been in poor place and then bomb shells. My abuser is back in my life. (But on top of that my Bipolar has been kicking me in all the worst places and making me feel lower than low) 

The biggest thing. I let him back in (he's my older brother) and I had to do it for me. I finally got to a point in my life where I am willing and able to have any semblance of a relationship with him because he is my brother. I finally realized I have the power now. That I am not 5 years old anymore and terrified. I am doing this because I need to let my resentments go as well so I can start completely healing, I hope that makes sense. 

The reason I am telling you guys this is because it has already affected my ability to update the story, and may very well continue to but that does not mean it is the end! 

I also want to extend a personal thank you from myself to all of who have viewed, read, or commented or really just gave any time of their day to view this story. The kudos the comments, all of it. Thank you for turning a late night drabble on my phone into an actual story with a plot and romance and fluff and everything else. This story would be nothing without you guys. *Some how hugs all of you" I love you guys and I'm glad you've stuck around through my inconsistent updates and probably some poorly written chapters. 

Once I get out of this splint I will have a new chapter up. 

Here endeth my ramble.

~Lazarus163


	17. Praying Pt. 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I hope you're somewhere praying, praying 
> 
> I hope you're soul is changing, changing 
> 
> I hope you find your peace, falling on your knees 
> 
> Praying...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back!!!! 
> 
> Alright, so, after recovering from a second surgery to get the rest of the pins removed, I had a pretty significant mental health crisis and ended up in a Partial Hospitalization program for a month and a half. During that time I completely lost drive for this story. And letting my brtoher back in kind of blew up in my face in the worst ways possible. 
> 
> I'm not gonna make any promises for updates because life got crazy and I kinda went crazy and I'm still trying to get my meds regulated. 
> 
> Secondly, I struggle with bipolar 2 pretty badly and sometimes when the depression aspect rears it's head I just lose my shit and my drive to do literally anything. That is mostly why I am not making update promises because it's really unfair to you guys to promise a chapter to be up and then have it not be up for a couple months. 
> 
> But I'm finally at place now where I went and edited the rest of this chapter and have a slightly renewed drive to continue and see this story through. 
> 
> All your comments and the support you guys have given me is unbelievable and I'm not sure I can thank you guys enough on a personal level. Further more this story... I never expected it to get where it is today. From the first chapter that started as a drabble on my phone to my most successful story ever and that's because of you guys and I'm eternally grateful that you've stuck around and loved my writing enough to put up with my inconsistent updates. So a very large and personal thank you to all of you have ever left a comment, book marked or gave kudos or anyone who dropped in just to check it out. 
> 
> I love you guys ❤️
> 
> I'm unsure if this set of chapters is gonna be a two parter or three parter. 
> 
> Alright, my ramble is finished and now into some... Wait for it... DETAILS. 
> 
> This chapter is titled after the song "Praying" By Kesha off her newest album (and the album I waited four years for) Rainbow. This song was partly a driving force as to why I let my brother back in. It hits me in a very deep and personal level that I can't put into words but it's really my anthem and probably my favorite song in the history of forever. It is such an empowering song. One that really helped me realize that my abuser no longer held power over my life. 
> 
> That's the reason I'm using it for these chapters. Dean's finally at a point where he's ready to heal and this song helped me realize that and I really think the way I have written Dean in this Fic the song speaks to him on a personal level. 
> 
> Also, major drama ensues in the last couple paragraphs of this chapter. And it leavs off on a pretty significant cliffhanger and I apologise in advance for what I've done. 
> 
> Alright, I'm done with explanations and details. 
> 
> Enjoy 

Aiden’s fork slid from his fingers. 

“What?” He asked, an edge of panic to his voice. 

“Me and Dean started talkin' about having pups and he might have caught during his Heat… We just wanna know how you feel.” Benny said in a soft voice, trying to gauge how their son would react. Aiden stood abruptly and left the kitchen. “Christ,” 

“I’ll go t-talk to him,” Dean said as he stood from the table. Walking to Aiden’s bedroom he stopped when he heard rustling. He sighed and knocked on the door before walking in. Aiden was packing a bag. “What a-a-are you doing?” Dean asked, 

“Leaving, yep. Leaving. You guys don’t want me anymore, no. No, no, no.”

“Aiden, please sit down,” he said. 

“Can’t, gotta go.” 

“Sit down,” Dean urged again, he watched tears fall from Aiden’s eyes and with a defeated sigh he sat on the edge of the bed, looking as though he was ready to bolt at any moment, eyes flickering from Dean to the door and back. “Why w-would you think w-we don’t want you anymore?” 

“’cause you want pups. Gonna forget about me. Yep. Always happens. Not good enough. Not good enough, nope.” Dean pulled him into a hug and kissed the top of his head before speaking. 

“Having pups d-doesn't mean we’re sick of you, buddy.” Dean said, “i-it means we want to grow our family. We could never get sick of you, we love you too damn much.” Aiden let go of a little sob and Dean rubbed his back, letting him cry.

“Just don’t wanna get forgotten, nope. Don’t want that. Don’t want it, don’t want it.” 

“That’s not gonna happen, that’s never gonna happen, y-you hear me?” 

* * *

 

The next day brought them quiet. Dean had slept like a rock. Not really moving the entire night, waking up in the same position as he had laid down. Benny stirring next to him is what had woken him up.

“Hey,” Benny said sleepily. 

“Hey,” Dean yawned and kissed him on the cheek. “I-I’m gonna check on Aiden,” he said as he rolled out of bed and pulled a shirt over his head. Walking downstairs he found Aiden awake and sitting in the living room, staring down at his phone with a mixture of pain and longing on his face. “You okay?” He shook his head, tears falling from his eyes and he spoke while he cried. 

“Thalia committed suicide,” he managed to get out before fully breaking. Dean sucked in a breath but managed a small nod and brought him into a hug. 

“How did you find out?” 

“Her dad messaged me on Facebook… funeral is in three days…” His sobs were long and drawn out, body shaking with each one. Dean closed his eyes. “She wanted us to go. Me and you. Yep.” 

“O-Okay b-buddy,” he managed. His protective instincts came over his grief at the loss of his friend by the sound of his pup crying and he had Aiden face him, wiping at his tears he looked into sad blue eyes and spoke. “Do you need anything?” 

“I don’t know… I don’t know. Don’t know, don’t know, don’t know.” He sobbed, “it hurts. No more death. Don’t want it.” Dean let him burry his nose in his neck, scenting him until he calmed down enough to talk. “Why does everyone I love leave me?” He whispered, “why do they do it, dad?” Dean wondered the same thing. How the hell could someone leave Aiden behind? He was the sweetest kid he had ever met. Why did so many people hurt him? Abuse him? Rape him? How the hell could someone be so cruel to a child? He didn’t know, but he swore he’d raise hell if he ever found the people who hurt his son.

“People are cruel. They hurt you and use you until there’s nothing left besides a husk… but there are some good people out there. Like Papa and Ellen and Bobby, Sammy, Charlie, Jess, Bela… they’re all good people. They would never hurt you. Never leave you. Missouri loves you like her own, you know? You never have to worry about it again.   
B-B-But… death happens. It’s hard and it’s painful and sucks dick.” Aiden nodded against his chest, breathing deeply. 

_Home, he and Papa smell like home. They love me and I’m safe here_ he thought as he looked up at Dean. 

* * *

 

“He’s not okay,” Dean said as he and Benny went to the grocery store. “He broke this morning, Ben.” 

“Baby, he lost a friend. He’s had a lot of loss in his life, but he didn’t break. He’s just grieving.” Benny tried to assure Dean, but Dean was insistent that this was just the beginning of something bad. 

“I shouldn’t have left him by himself. Benny, turn around.” 

“Sugah-“ 

“I said turn around!” Dean yelled, Benny sighed but turned the car around and set out for home. Arriving back they doing Aiden on the couch, a bottle of bourbon next to him. Dean glared at Benny before walking over to Aiden who was swaying in his seat. 

“Hey,” Dean said softly. Aiden looked at him and laughed. 

“I… I thought I cared that she di bu I really don’t give a shit.” His words were slurred, Dean sighed and took the bottle away from him before handing it to Benny. 

“Let’s get you to bed, huh?” Benny said, Aiden shook his head and swung his feet up on the couch and laid down. 

“Nah, jus gon lay here,” he said closing his eyes. They walked into the kitchen, Benny putting the bottle away and locking the sliding doors of the island. He sighed and turned to face Dean. 

“He’s not breaking, huh? We come home to our thirteen years old drunk off his ass and you say he’s not breaking?” 

“Dean, I made a mistake, alright?” Dean sighed but nodded, hanging his head. 

“Did we a-a-already fail as parents?” He asked in a soft voice, Benny sighed and pulled him into a hug, 

“No, sha. He’s struggling, same as you.” Dean shook his head and buried his nose in Benny’s neck, breathing deeply. 

“I feel like we failed… d-do we scream at him over this? Take away his phone and TV? What do we do?” 

“We just talk to him and see why he did it, alright? We don’t need to be screamin' and yellin' at him. It won’t solve anything.” 

* * *

 

Dean had opted to stay at home with Aiden while Benny ran to get groceries. He sighed from his place in the office as he looked at Aiden who was still fast asleep. Dean had rolled him on his side so in case he started puking he wouldn’t choke. Dean looked back at his laptop, the blank page of a word document staring back at him. 

'My name is Dean Winchester… and this is my story. 

It started ten years ago, at a truck stop in the middle of Kansas. I was seventeen.  
His hands shook and his body trembled as he pushed himself to write more.   
It was cold that night, my lips wrapped around some Alphas trucker’s cock, just trying to get enough money to make it out to California to start new. Clean slate. I stood back, wiped my chin, accepted the hundred dollars and wondered for a moment what the fuck I was doing. I made my way towards another truck when I notice a car, one definitely out of place, a Cadillac Escalade. Two men stepped out… And that’s how my story started. As a dumb, teenage runaway who was in the wrong place at the wrong time and ended up being abducted by a cruel and vicious man. That man’s name was Victor Henriksen.'

He scoffed, “was.” Like the man in question was dead. He may be in custody. May not ever see the light of day again, but he was very much alive. 

'I was in that car for a few days I think. I really don’t remember much after kicking Victor in the side of the face and biting out a viscous “fuck you” to which he laughed. I’m not small for a male Omega, wasn’t back then either, but when a knife is held against your throat and your facing two Alphas… you really don’t have much of a choice besides going with them, right?'

Tears started falling. Why was he doing this? Why the hell was he writing about this? Wasn’t it enough that he was reliving every ounce of this in therapy? Now he was subjugating himself to experience even more… he didn’t like the pain so he ruled out being a masochist. It… it didn’t feel cathartic either. So what the hell was this? What was driving him to do this? Because regardless of the tears that fell from his eyes, how every word typed seemed to knock the wind out of him, he was still doing it. He felt like he needed to.

'The Room… that’s what I started calling it after a month of being in hell. It was the first place they took me, where they tied me to a chair and asked my name.   
I screamed at them “Dean Winchester.” This went on, after being punched and stabbed I… I finally said I didn’t have a name. They took this rod of iron, a branding iron with “#38” on the end which was almost white it was so hot.'

That’s where he stopped. He couldn’t finish writing as deep sobs escaped him. What the hell was he doing? The sound of Aiden gagging stopped the tears and he rushed out to find him puking. Dean banged on his back a couple of times, the retching intensifying before going away. He sighed and walked into the kitchen, wiping at his tears as he grabbed paper towels and rug cleaner before going back to the living room. Aiden’s eyes were open but small slits as he watched Dean clean the vomit. 

“You o-okay?” Aiden shook his head. 

“Don’t feel good, nope. Nope, nope, nope.” His words were still slurring slightly, now he just looked like shit warmed over. Dean nodded,

“Let’s get you to your room, okay?” Dean said and managed to walk Aiden to his bedroom. He helped the teenager lay in bed before sitting on the edge of the bed holding his hand. “You n-need anything just l-let me know, okay?” Aiden nodded, Dean kissed the side of his head and left the bedroom. He weighed his options. He could further his breakdown from earlier or go take a nap. He chose the latter. He walked slowly upstairs, feeling drained and got in bed, pulling the covers over him and laying his head against the cold pillow and sighing softly. He wondered how Benny hadn’t noticed Aiden’s obvious struggle. Wondered why he didn’t think it was as bad as it was. But he shrugged it off. Again, Benny wasn’t Superman. He wasn’t all knowing. Wasn’t able to read people’s thoughts. Dean often forgot that because of how well Benny could read people. How well he shouldered the enormous weight… the enormous burden that he and Aiden were at times.  
Sighing he turned on his side, wondering what he was going to do with Aiden. Aiden had so much loss as it was. They had to go to a funeral, that was something he wished he never had to do again. Though death was a part of life, Dean believed that he wouldn’t have to deal with people close to him dying for a long time. He didn’t want that. But here it was happening to an amazing person… someone who lost their battle. Someone he called a friend. Sleep wasn’t going to happen. He had accepted that and rolled out of bed, putting his feet on the floor he scrubbed his face with his hand. 

He didn’t want anymore death. He was tired of it. Sick of it. He lost a friend. He’d seen enough people butchered by a cruel man. But Thalia wasn’t killed. She took her own life. And that pissed him off. He was mad at her parents. By the shit they’d done. How… how they hadn’t believed her about her illness. She had already had a hard life. A double amputee. He couldn’t imagine the teasing she had experienced. Because kids and teenagers? They could be horrible. He stood and the first thing he did was punch the wall, his hand sinking through the plaster set wall and he stood there. 

He was ripshit. How could her parents not believe her? How did her mom think that she was possessed and her dad think that she was just faking it? You can’t just fake schizophrenia. You can’t just fake the level of paranoia he saw her in the first day of hospitalization. You can’t fake hearing voices to that extreme. What kind of people did that to their own daughter? He removed hand from the wall and store blankly at the bloodied and broken mess his hand was. Benny would have his head no doubt. The pain finally hit him and he cursed rather loudly. The bruising was already bad. 

“Dean? I’m home!” Benny called, “mind helpin' me with a few of these bags?” Dean walked downstairs and Benny grimaced when he saw his hand. “Sha-“ 

“I-I d-d-don’t wanna talk about it.” Dean said, Benny sighed. 

“We gotta get that looked at Darlin’,” 

“I’m not leaving Aiden,” Dean said. 

“Then he’s gonna have to come with us.” Dean sighed and tried to flex his hand but yelped. 

“Fine…” 

* * *

 

Dean was sick of hospitals. He was mad that Benny had dragged him back to one. But he couldn’t move his hand. It was black and blue and swollen. He could see the bones of his knuckles. Dr. Hanscum came into the room and sighed upon seeing him. 

“I really wish we weren’t seein' ya back here so soon!” She said, “let me see your hand,” he extended his hand and she grimaced. “Alright I’m taking you down to x-ray myself. Come on,” he stood and followed her, clutching his hand to his chest. Once in x-ray they had him sit in a chair then it hit him. 

“D-During my last heat… I might have caught,” he said. The tech nodded and got him full body protection before having him sit. He couldn’t move his hand into the positions he was asked without screaming in pain. Finally, the tech gave up and sent him back to his room. Twenty minutes later Dr. Hanscum came into the room and looked at him. 

“Looks like you fractured your hand pretty bad. Nothing a cast won’t fix but… we wanna run some blood work before we put you on any narcotics, make sure you don’t got a pup in there,” she said poking his abdomen. Dean looked at Benny who nodded his agreement, Aiden just looked sick at the thought of needles. After the blood was taken there was just more waiting. And waiting. An hour later after emergency lights (from what he had gathered the words “asthma attack” were uttered somewhere from the hall) were flashed throughout the ER she came back in. 

“No pup, so I’m gonna put you on perc 20’s for five days,” both Dean and Benny looked upset by this and she sighed. “It doesn’t usually happen on the first try now, have some faith.” They both sighed but nodded. “Now…” she looked over the chart and pursed her lips. “Maybe I was wrong.” Dean’s head perked up, “it’s a bit early to tell but some of your levels definitely indicate… what the heck, if you are, you’re early enough along that it shouldn’t harm the pup in any way.” She walked out of the room and came back with a splint. “Wear this, it’s water proof so it can go in the shower or the bathtub and you won’t have to worry about it falling apart. I’m setting up an appointment so you can get the hand casted.” 

* * *

 

On the way home Dean insisted they stop to get he and Aiden clothes for the funeral. Benny nodded and they pulled into a small mom’s and pops store in Augusta. He and Aiden picked out some nice clothes, Dean a green Henley and dress pants and dress shoes, Aiden a grey striped button down, dress pants and dress shoes. Benny asked if either of them wanted dinner. Dean protested, saying he didn’t feel good and Aiden just wanted to go home. Benny nodded and drove back. Dean had really only seen this stretch if highway at towards the end of the day or at night. He had to wonder how much of a shit show it could be during the day. 

Resting his head against the window he closed his eyes and drifted off. 

_“Every single time you try to run. No matter who you have to help you now, I will find you,” the dream shifted, now, Dean was looking through a few inches of bullet proof glass, at the man in question, who was dressed in blue._

_“It’s funny you say that behind bars, Victor.” Dean’s voice shook as he spoke, Victor suddenly leaned forward and Dean jumped. The smile that spread across the man’s face was wide and filled with malice._

_“And it’s funny how much you still fear me when you’re practically untouchable. Friends, family, a mate… all of them backing you, but at the end of the day, I’m the one person who knows what makes you work. What truly makes you tick.”_

_“Problem is? I have people who love me. People who will never let you touch me… Rot in hell.”_

_Dean awoke as they neared Skowhegan. His head throbbed. The dream had started as a nightmare but had quickly turned into something much more. He wanted to tell him like it was. He wanted to yell at Victor, scream at him, make him realize how much of a piece of shit he actually was. A song filtered through the speakers of the car._

_You almost had me fooled_

_Told me that I was nothing without you_

_And after everything you’ve done_

_I can thank you for how strong I have become_

_'Cause you brought the flames and you put me through hell_

_I had to learn how to fight for myself_

_And we both know all the truth I could tell_

_I’ll just say this is I wish you farewell_

_I hope you’re somewhere, praying, praying_

_I hope your soul is, changing, changing_

_I hope you find your peace, falling on your knees_   
  


_Praying_

Dean felt goosebumps. His eyes were wide as he listened to the song. It struck chords with him.

_I’m proud of who I am_

_No more monsters I can breathe again_

_And you said that I was dumb_

_Well you were wrong and now the best is yet to come_

_'Cause I can make it on my own, oh_

_I don’t need you, I found a strength I’ve never known_

_I’ll bring thunder I’ll bring rain, oh_

_When I’m finished, they won’t even know your name_

“You okay, Sha?” Benny asked looking over at him. 

“Shh… I’m trying to listen.” 

_Sometimes, I pray for you at night_

_Someday, maybe you’ll see the light_

_Whoa some say, in life, you’re gonna get what you give_

_But some things, only God can forgive_

Dean felt a pull at his heart. That dream and then this song. If he had learned a ground rule from Buffy it was that coincidences don’t exist. “There are two things I don’t believe in, coincidences and leprechauns” and he agreed. Things happen for a reason. He felt the beginnings of tears 

_I hope you find your peace, falling on your knees_   
  


_Praying_

In a way he felt this song heal him just a little bit. He didn’t realize tears had spilt over until a hand stroked his face.

“Why are you crying, darlin'?” Dean shook his head and sniffled. 

“This… this song just kind of hit me pretty hard is all.” He mumbled, Benny kept a careful eye on him the rest of the way home. Aiden went straight to bed, disregarding the time on the clock that read only 6:30. Benny sighed, looking after him. 

“He’s-“ 

“Struggling? Yeah, I know.” Dean grumbled, his hand ached but he couldn’t find it in himself to take his meds yet. If he did he would be down for the count and out of commission until the next day where they would be driving down to Augusta for Thalia's wake and then funeral. He didn’t want to be drugged out for that. 

“You okay, sweetheart?” 

“’m just tired B-Benny,” Benny noticed his voice was almost defeated. And in truth he felt defeated. Another person dead. Someone he knew. It hit home because he didn’t get to go to his father’s funeral. Hell, no one had even bothered to tell him if there was a burial or if he had been cremated and his ashes spread somewhere. He really didn’t know. Thinking about death had him thinking about others. What if something happened to Bobby or Ellen? God forbid something happen to Sam or Jess or… anyone. He realized now his biggest fear was not dying. It was seeing it happen to someone he loved. What if he lost Benny? What the hell would he do? He didn’t have job. Had no way of getting to a job anywhere up here unless he wanted to walk the distance to town.   
He looked at Benny and in a small voice spoke. 

“I just don’t want t-to lose anyone.” Dean whispered, Benny nodded and placed a hand on his shoulder. 

“Hey… Dean, can you look at me?” Dean refused to meet his gaze. Benny reached up and cupped his cheek. “Please look at me dumplin’,” Dean finally looked into his eyes. “You’re not going to loose anyone,” Dean shook his head and averted his eyes, casting them at his feet. 

“W-What if I lose you?” His voice shook, his lips quivering as he spoke. He was sick of crying but here the tears were, threatening to spill over. “I do-“ 

“You’re never going to lose me, sha.” Benny cut in, Dean’s heart ached. He’d already had so much loss. He never wanted to have to deal with death, not for a long time anyways. But it seemed as though death followed him wherever he went. He escaped from Victor? People ended up dead. He ran away from home? His father gave up on life. It seemed liked no matter where he was death found him. But of course he was being ridiculous. Death wasn’t a curse. Curses and magic didn’t really exist. It was all just smoke and mirrors. All balderdash and chicanery. But here he was, another person dead and fear slowly setting in. That the life he had built, the family he had made would be broken by something careless and stupid. He was afraid he would lose Benny. That he would lose Aiden and he didn’t think he would ever be able to handle that. But Benny may be right. 

Dean scoffed and Benny made a face. Of course Benny was right though. No one could come after them. No one would be waiting to hurt them when they stepped out their door and into the world that Dean had grown to know as abrasive. A world he may just want to conquer. One where he could wake up and face the day, say “I’m okay” and mean it. Not force a smile and cover what he felt so Benny didn’t worry too much.   
Dean decided then and there he wanted a good day. A good life. One where he was able to manage his shit, at least somewhat. One where he could see Bela less than twice a week. Hell, maybe get to the point it was every other week. He wanted to start healing. 

_You almost had me fooled_

_Told me that I was, nothing without you_

_And after everything you’ve done_

_I can thank you for how strong I have become_

He felt many things, a weight lifted from his shoulders at this realization. A sudden urge to call Bela and tell her of his breakthrough. 

_I’m proud of who I am_

_No more monsters I can breathe again_

_And you said that I was done_

_Well you were wrong and now the best is yet to come_

_I can make it on my own_

_I don’t need you, I’ve found a strength I’ve never known_

_I’ll thunder I’ll bring rain,_

_When I’m finished, they won’t even know your name_

He fumbled for his phone but quickly remembered he hadn’t gotten a new one quite yet. 

“Bear?” Dean asked, 

“Yeah?” 

“I… I-I-I think I am ready to start healing.” Dean’s voice came out strong. Determined some would say. Others would say brave. Dean? Dean would say both. In that moment bravery over took cowardice. Solace and safety overtaken by want and need. A need that burned deep within him. One that he knew would ultimately change the course of his life. That need, that fire, a fire that he thought had lost it’s flame long ago when he was broken by a world that is cruel. His will. The flame may be dull but it still burned. Low in his stomach fiery tendrils swirled, clashing against each other looking for some source of oxygen to grow to become large again.   
That fire, that will, that need. The will to face the day with bravery and determination. The fire, the passions that life could bring if he allowed himself, and the need. The need to go on. To be better. A better person, not completely fixed but not broken either. Someone who knew how to deal with their trauma and issues in a way that didn’t drag them into a hole when the lowest of low points hit. Someone who could actually say “I’m okay” and mean it. He want- no he needed it. And he would continue his fight. No matter how hard or how rough things got. How a conversation on death and fear of loss could turn into this was beyond him. But he didn’t question it. Didn’t pay mind to it. He simply relished in what was a true moment of clarity. One that had opened his eyes to the possibility of one thing. Getting better. 

_Sometimes I pray for you night, oh_

_Someday, maybe you’ll see the light_

_Whoa some say, in life, you’re gonna get what you give_

_But some things, only God can forgive_

His resolve was now there. He would fight. He would make damn well sure nothing stopped him. 

_I hope you’re somewhere praying, praying_

_I hope your soul is changing, changing_

_I hope you find your peace, falling on your knees_

_Praying…_

* * *

 

Dean awoke early the next morning, the wake was being held at 10:00, the funeral beginning at 12:00. He walked to the bathroom, dragging his feet across the carpeted bedroom floor out into the hallway and across the hall. He closed the door behind him and stripped before stepping into the shower. He sat, not on the bench but on the cold tile floor of the shower and let the water Cascade over his naked body. His scars always became more noticeable after showers. Regardless of Benny’s constant reassurance they made him self-conscious. Scars weren’t attractive. They weren’t beautiful. They were raised and red and ugly on his skin. What Benny saw clearly didn’t meet the rest of the world’s eyes, including Dean’s own. 

He traced the acid burns… not burns, scars. He traced the scars that littered his upper thigh. He recalled the pain. One he couldn’t really describe what it had felt like because in actuality it was plethora of very different and painful sensations all at once. Blinding hot and blistering was the most prominent he recalled. 

_“38, 38, 38…” Alastair tsked as he took a glass bottle from a shelf on the far wall of the room. “Trying to run away were we? It takes people years to get there if they ever decide to. Most people here just give up and die. But you. You decided you were going to run after just ten months.” He pulled the cork from the bottle and looked at Dean. “I like that about you Dean, you’ve got a real fighting spirit. Too bad I’m going to have to break it.”_

_He picked up the bottle and positioned over Dean’s thigh. He tipped it so the liquid landed on his thigh and Dean howled in pain._   
_“Stop!”_

_“What was that? I can’t hear you over the screaming,” Alastair said mockingly._

_“Stop… please, I’ll do better, I promise.”_

Dean didn’t feel the tears but he knew they were falling from his eyes. He could tell by the way they stung… maybe because he wasn’t allowed to cry for so long. So long that his body became unfamiliar of the sensation of tears. So long that his body simply forgot what it was to cry. He learned that crying in hell meant everything got worse faster than you could blink, and God save your eternal soul if you cried while Alastair hurt you. He’d seen it happen. He’d experienced some first hand. He knew that one sure fire way to have gotten yourself killed is if you cried in front of Victor.   
He wiped at his tears, frustrated that he kept being reduced to such a vulnerable state. He hated it. The vulnerability when he cried. Because when he cried he didn’t have a wall of defenses to fall back on and shut down. He just simply didn’t have that. When he cried he became weak. Vulnerable. He hated that. He didn’t want anyone to see him like this. Not Benny, not Ellen, not Bobby. No one. But, as his luck would have it, he broke at the most inopportune times. He didn’t want to anymore, because aside from the vulnerability, it made him angry. He made it a long time without crying. Maybe he could do it again.

“Sha?” Dean stilled and again hopes Benny would take the hint and leave him to his own devices for just once, but when was he ever that lucky? Benny stepped into the bathroom and looked through the glass of the shower door to find him in the state of emotional disarray he wanted no one to see. “D-“ 

“Benny please go away,” Dean said in a rushed voice. 

“Bab-“ 

“Leave!” Dean shouted, Benny recoiled but nodded, apprehensively at best, and respected Dean’s wishes and left the bathroom. Dean finally found it in him to scrub his body and wash his hair. Tears still fell when he stepped out of the shower and dried off. Small sobs bobbed his shoulders as he walked to the bedroom and threw himself back in bed, not bothering to put clothes on or let the splint dry out like his discharge papers told him to. He took Benny pillow and breathed deeply. It smelled calm. It smelled like home. The more he breathed it in the more he felt himself calm down. I’ve got this he thought. When he stood back up he saw Benny leaning against the door frame just watching him with a cautious look. 

“Did I do something to upset ya, mon cher? 'cause if I did I need ya to tell me so I can fix it.” Dean shook his head and was quiet. As quiet as the night he had met Benny aside from the occasional yelps of pain and the small no he had given him. And he was quiet for a long time. He tried to think of what to say but nothing came. Finally after several tries and failed attempts he found his voice. 

“Nothing, Bear… it’s just everything.” He spoke quietly, he knew Benny would never hurt him, but out of old habit he refused to meet his gaze. An Alpha’s gaze. His Alpha’s gaze. Regardless if Benny is his fiancé and mate it was a conditioned response. Benny had that look of sympathy, looking at him like he was puppy that had just been kicked. 

“Dean, it’s okay to cry. It’s okay. It’s not weak. It’s not. And you have to understand that it’s okay to cry. To feel your feelings.” Benny walked towards him and wrapped his arms around Dean’s middle, pressing a kiss to his head. “Get ready while I wake up Aiden, alright?” Dean just nodded and watched as Benny retreated from the room. He walked to the dresser, fumbling he pulled it open and took out a pair of boxers and slipped into them. He dressed quickly before turning to the mirror in the bedroom. His hair was wrong. He needed it cut. So much had happened since escaping that he hadn’t really thought of his outward appearance besides his scars. His nose was crooked, his left eye seemed significantly hooded compared to his other. His hair was a mess, different lengths in different places. He resigned to slicking his hair back before making him way downstairs. Benny stood watching Aiden eat. He was silent, eyes drifting to Aiden’s arms and then back to the boy's face. Aiden was oblivious to it, but Dean caught on quickly enough. Lines, red and risen off his skin, traces of dried blood. 

“A-“ 

“Not now Ben,” Dean said looking at Benny. Benny sighed but nodded. It was better this way. One thing at a time. A motto Dean was beginning to realize held true. Aiden left the room, abandoning his cereal to go change. 

“What are we going to do?” Benny whispered, 

“Everything we can do to help him and m-more.” Dean replied as calm as he could. Aiden has had enough grief in his very young life. Seeing that he clearly felt that he was running out of options made Dean’s heart ache. Protective instincts inside Dean swirled in a flurry, kind of like drifting snow, making his stomach clench with such raw and primal need. Protect-protect-protect was the only thought that passed through his mind. Protect his pup.

* * *

 

Aiden fiddled nervously as they walked into the funeral home. 

“Aiden, thank you for coming,” Thalia's father said as he walked by. Aiden just nodded and walked straight over to the casket where he saw his friend. Her strawberry red hair was made elegant by the people who must prep the body. As Dean looked he realized he had never experienced death like this. Sure he had seen death and dead bodies, but looking at his friend hurt. Even his own mother’s funeral and wake had been different for him. He was young enough that he couldn’t recall the emotions he had felt that day. And now… He reached out and touched her cheek and his eyes welled, not enough to spill over. She was cold, pale. He noticed there was some bruising around her neck that was half hazardly covered with makeup in a very wrong skin tone that stood out to anyone close enough. She had hung herself. There was a body in that casket. But was it Thalia? Dean spoke out loud, 

“She f-feels cold,” Benny noted how his voice sounded far away. “Why does she look empty, Benny?” Been closed his eyes. 

_“Benny… listen to me,” Andrea said from her place on the hospital bed. “I love you with all of my heart… please, promise me this.” Her voice was weak, far away, eyes beginning to glaze over. “That you move on… that you find someone else to love you the way I love you. The I’m sure our pup would have loved you… be brave Benny.” She went still and Benny listened to the heart monitor flatline. He saw how there was no brightness left. Her soul was gone. Moved on to a place of safety._

“Her soul is gone, sha. That’s why she’s like that.” Dean nodded, he wasn’t religious by any means but right then and there he prayed. Prayed she found peace and solace. Prayed that she found happiness. He prayed that whatever laid beyond death was a place where no fear existed. A place where she could choose her own fate like she had spoken about if she ever died young. Somewhere where she could hunt monsters like Buffy or kill orcs in middle Earth. A place of happiness for her and her alone. Because she deserved that much. Because she had been through so much. Dean let go of a tear before bending and placing a kiss on her forehead. 

* * *

 

“We are gathered here in remembrance of Thalia Lynn. A bright soul on this Earth that was then taken over by the darkness of a hard life. Thalia loved singing, reading, and writing. Even at her lowest she smiled bravely… but not today. She has moved on, to a place of light and happiness, where pain and fear do not exist. A place she can now feel safe from her illness. 

Thalia always took things in stride, she faced the day with a brave smile. Becoming a double amputee after a car accident that also left her temporarily paralyzed. She fought to walk again and live life as much as she could even with such a great limitation. She even danced with her prosthetics. She was a mental health advocate in the community since last year before ending up in the hospital, trying to treat her illness. For those of you who did not know, Thalia suffered from full blown paranoid schizophrenia. She experienced terrifying hallucinations both audio and visual. And she lived with it every day. An extremely brave soul. A young man, Aiden Garrison, has written something for his friend he wishes to read for all of you.” Dean looked over Aiden who nodded at him before standing and walking to the podium. Looking over the church he began to read. 

“To my friend. A person who helped me learn to deal with my trauma. A friend who broke the rules at the program to give me hugs when I needed them. A sister who checked up on me after I left even though she clearly struggled greatly, more than she let on.” Dean saw the beginning of tears on his son’s face and grasped for Benny’s hand. “I don’t really know if… if I believe in the after life or God, but I hope she’s in a better a place.” He went to speak again but instead a sob left his mouth and Dean acted before he could even think, he was jogging to Aiden before leading him back to their seats. 

“I-It’s okay buddy,” he soothed. Aiden shook his head and tried to keep his crying quiet, burying his face in Dean’s shoulder, scenting him. Dean just held to him. Tightly, waiting for him to calm down some. Benny’s hand ran a trail up and down Aiden’s back, soon enough Aiden took a steady breath and nodded at both of them. 

* * *

 

The burial was horrible. It had begun to rain during, many people scrambled to their cars and waited for them to get a tent up over the hole and casket. This entire situation felt too familiar to Benny. Yet he swallowed his distaste towards burial’s as he watched Aiden just stand in the rain, staring at the casket. Tears fell from his eyes but he didn’t move, didn’t make noise. 

“Aiden, let’s get in the car until they get the awning up,” Benny suggested. Aiden walked slowly over, eyes and head cast down. Dean got in the back with him and waited. Hoping Aiden would seek comfort from one of them. Protect-Protect-Protect. Again the only thoughts in his mind. Whether it be God or The Powers That Be, Aiden spoke. 

“Papa?” His voice was frail. It was small. Defeated. Dean feared this was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Aiden’s tipping point. 

“Yeah?” Aiden looked down and finally a sob escaped him. 

“Why does everyone leave me?” The words were spoken in such a hushed voice they almost sounded like a whistle. “Since I was little all people have done is leave me, yep. All anyone has done is leave and never tell me why they had to go… why did she have to go? Why, why, why?!” Benny got out of the car and walked around before climbing into the backseats, sitting on Aiden’s other side and closing the door. 

“Buddy, look at me,” Benny said quietly. Aiden shook his head and rested against Dean as deep sobs escaped him. Dean shushed him, wrapping his arms firmly around him. 

“It’s okay, buddy.” Dean whispered, “let it out.” 

“I don’t understand why this keeps happening. People leave… she promised she wouldn’t leave and she did.” He hiccupped and sputtered, trying to find more to say. Finally Benny's arms encircled him as well. 

“Aiden, it’s okay.” Benny whispered. “Do you want to go home?” Benny asked. Aiden shook his head. 

“Gotta say goodbye.” 

* * *

 

“Shit,” Benny cursed as he pulled to the side of the road. Dean jumped out and looked at the flat tire. “No cell service… god fucking damn it.” He murmured. A car pulled up behind them and a couple things happened. A gunshot rang out and Benny fell to the ground. Dean felt the air forced from his lungs as a fist connected with his abdomen before a bag was pulled over his head. He heard Aiden scream as he was forced into a car. 

“Aiden!” 

“Quiet!” And then he was out. 

* * *

 

Benny’s eyes flickered open, he was groggy, couldn’t really take much in aside from someone standing near him. 

“Mr. Lafitte, glad to see you’re awake.” Benny tried to shake away the fog but only succeeded in giving himself a headache. A bad headache. What happened? Where was he? Why did his head ache so bad? 

“What?” He tried for it to only come out sounding like a gurgle from in his throat. He cleared it and tried again. “What happened?” His voice was hoarse, his throat felt like sand paper each time he swallowed. He closed his eyes, at least being able to make certain things out without the use of his cloudy vision. There were needles in his arms, electrodes on his chest, machines creating a series of beeping noises that sounded too loud for their own good. He smelled the antiseptic and bleach. He was in a hospital. He opened his eyes again this time blinding pain coursing through his skull, making his vision darken significantly. 

“Don’t strain yourself,” the voice was slightly familiar but he couldn’t touch on it. He tried to call on every distant memory he had of this voice and with sudden horror he realized who it belonged to. He was a doctor in the ICU of Maine Medical center in Portland, a doctor who he had heard called “Death” by quite a few of the other staff in ICU when Andrea was brought there before… he was an old school doctor in some places. Dark slacks, dress shoes, black shirt/vests and a cane. The thing that garnered the nickname when Benny had asked about it was that he had a reputation of helping patients in ICU who weren’t predicted to pull through. His mind buzzed with a thousand different questions. What had happened? Why did his head hurt so bad? But the one that finally from his lips was the one that concerned him most. 

“Where are Dean and Aiden?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope this was worth the wait... And please just don't hate me for what I've done.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you guys think!


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